Love.

As I sit here and sort through the thoughts in my head, pertaining to the hurt and hate in the world, I can’t help but feel emotional and afraid. 

 

Often than not, as individual families, we get really caught up in what’s just happening with our own, in our own world. It becomes easier to shut out the terrible things happening around us, and we become our own prisoners, in our own homes, in our own minds and we forget how much everyone else matters.

 

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin or his background or his religion…” – Barack Obama, twitter – @BarackObama 

Photo retrieved from @BarackObama Twitter // link above

 

“I am afraid.”

I am afraid of how much our world is vastly deteriorating, with so much hate, and selfishness.
I am afraid of how our children will grow-up in a world, we’re purposely killing off.
I am afraid of how our children are being filled with hate, and discrimination, and close-minded ideas, because these same kids will co-exist in their future, only to relive the same in history.
I am afraid of the unsettling feeling I have being out and about with my children, because there is so many evil individuals out there, who prefer to hurt others.
I am afraid to live, because my one day will come, and I don’t want to leave my children alone. Alone in a world like this.

 

It is so easy to say be kind, so much harder to do, for some.
It is so easy to say be good, so much harder to do, for some.
It is so easy to say be helpful, so much harder to do, for some.

The problem is not that it’s hard, but rather that people have conditions, and expectations to get in return what they put out. 
The problem is not that it’s hard, but rather that people are selfish with their own “success” first, rather than everyone succeeding together. 
The problem is not that it’s hard, but it’s that no one wants to be on the same level as everyone else.
The problem is not that it’s hard, but because we as humans are egotistical, and conceited. 
The problem is not that it’s hard, but because NO ONE WANTS TO TRY.

 

Apollo

Cassiopeia

Artemis

 

My Open Letter To My Children 

I know the world feels like it’s fallen apart. What we’ve left you with seem so hard to fix. I know it seems what you’re left with is with how terrible humans before you have been. I know it seems like we didn’t care enough to think about how your world would be, after we are gone.
I know it seems like we’ve rooted hate in all of you. I know it seems we’ve taken advantage of nature, and left you with it’s pain. 

 

If there is anything I know deep down in my heart is that for every heart that keeps its purity in good, you can rebuild.

You can make a difference, bigger than you ever think you can.

 

One person, with kindness and love, will transcends in others, as long as you believe always, no matter the circumstance, no matter the failed attempts, there is good in everyone, some just did a very good job shielding it with evil, so that they can always keep a spark of good to continue to fuel them through this series of possession by evil in their hearts. Extend your hand for others, but be conscious of others who take advantage. Give first, always. Do not expect things in return, for it’s better to give than to get. No matter the measurement of success you may attain, nothing feels greater than to give joy to others.

 

Choose love, choose kindness, choose care, choose acceptance of others, choose understanding before judgement, choose intolerance for hate. 

 

Always keep yourselves safe, but in a way that keeps others safe as well. Always keep each other safe, always fight for what’s true and right in your heart. Do not let anyone’s negative and false views influence your thoughts, keep your heart and mind open, and learn from everything. Keep your heart free of hate, your consciousness clean, and always give love, above all else. 

It may seem a tiring road, to have to thread to sift through the bad, to find the good. But just like everything we’re blessed to have in life, there’s always a lesson to learn, and that lesson to be shared. It is always hard at first, but for every try chips away at that and eventually gets to its root and in it is the purest form you can influence.

 

BE KIND, BE GOOD, GIVE LOVE, ALWAYS!

 

 

 

 

MMH, out!

Why I have a Soft spot for Seniors and Why It Matters

For as long as I can remember, anytime I have ever come across and elderly person, I have always extended a hand or have sparked up a conversation with them; wether it was on the Toronto Transit Commission (public transit in Toronto), while walking on the street or anywhere I happened to see one, my heart would always feel a little more light-hearted.

I always wonder why this is, knowing how some elderly individuals can be quite grumpy and rude. I have come across some of those, but while it only affected me in those moments, it still has not changed my views and heart about elder people.

I’ll share with you something, that perhaps my limitless tenderness for elder people may root from.

 

 

When I was a child, growing up here in Canada, my father’s mother, was still present. She didn’t speak English, was not literate, because her life is a testimony all on its own about what it means to be a sibling, a daughter, and a mother. While all these small disadvantages were present, she was the best cook I have ever met. She was in her way, the most caring through the details of what she did for her family. I wasn’t able to speak to her about her past much, but what she was in rare moments able to share, had an impact in my life.

 

 

I recall as a child, I had stayed over at my cousins (my grandmother lived with my uncle), and we were playing outside when the ice cream truck came playing it’s nostalgic music down the street and soon, my cousin and me were running inside to ask my grandmother for change to buy cones. Oh those soft serve they sold, were the best. We had rushed inside, afraid to miss the ice cream truck and right away my cousin had asked my grandmother for change. She always change, never really knowing how much was what, she had my cousin choose. My cousin had only taken enough for herself, shy and uncomfortable I didn’t ask. I was new to Canada, I had yet to build my relationship with my grandmother. I DON’T think I ever did, make one, in time before her mind drifted and failed her. 

I remember feeling bad, I wasn’t able to get any and my cousin didn’t share. I was probably ten years old. I was, then again, always have been that kind of kid. I felt bad. It wasn’t my grandmother’s fault though. I didn’t expect her to love me as much as she did my cousin, she was after all there when she was born and helped raised her. 

 

 

My grandmother had kept a bowl of candies on her dresser. Candies, no one really touched and she would only distribute in moments where distraction was required. Like the time my cousin and I were fighting and she had separated us, and she had sat me on her bed, gave me candy and I thought “wow, she gave me one”. 
Those small memories of my moments with her, meant enough to me. Never had the experience of growing up with my own grandparents, the time I had with her was enough to know where my family roots from and how much I appreciated her with whatever, which way she raised her family. 

She’s long gone now, passed away several years ago. I still recall visiting her at the old age home, stroking her hair, helping her eat, bringing her flowers and sharing moments with her and my first born. How her face would light up seeing my toddler son, and how she would smile as soon as he came running through the door. She adored little kids. And those are the qualities of grandparents. Their love doesn’t end at their own children, but gets even more amazing when they have grandchildren.

So perhaps, these moments are what keeps my heart ever so forgiving with elder people.

 

 

It’s important we love them and care for them, because they have lived a life to give ours, and are the root of our family. 

 

Always thinking of YOU Nay, xo. 

 

 

MMH, out!

Does Taking a Mental Health Day help for Individuals With PPD & PPA?

I have been a ghost lately with writing, only keeping up with my social media platfoorms sharing specs of my day.

 

“I was merely taking a break and using my mental health day card.”

 

I can’t begin to tell you what it feels like to have fallen into the abyss. Like your soul stuck in the deep, half fighting to get out, looking for some kind of reason to save itself from falling time and time again. I had called it quits on writing, called it quits on connecting with others, networking with others, and just sharing how everything has been stirring in my pot of life.

The truth is, it started off as a ‘break’ and as time lapsed, it became harder and harder to find myself in the things I thought helped me with self-care. 

 

Then, life happened some more. J, had left for Mexico for another work trip lasting two and a half weeks. His return date was the weekend before our wedding. It made it that much harder to go back to my routine, when you have to be present for the kids ALL.THE.TIME. You get no breaks.

“No breaks to pee, no breaks to shower, no breaks to eat a full meal, no breaks!”

Thankfully, a couple of our friends came for Canada Day with their son, to help busy up my eldest, have some adult conversations for a weekend, and have some extra pair of hands for help. Oh was it helpful, indeed!

 

J, finally came home. He got half a day of rest and the next day we were off to Toronto, for our wedding. We would be spending nine days in total in Toronto, getting last minute stuff done, from baby shoes, to haircuts, to mani-pedi, to all the in-between; I lost energy to accomplish before the week of the wedding. The days before the weekend was spent hanging out with our best of friends, and soaking in the time we don’t usually have when we head back home to Toronto for a weekend. It was indeed a good time.

The day of the wedding came, it was beautiful in all of its glory. The ceremony had everyone in tears, including my middle-child who photobombed our kiss. But in all of its awesomeness, is the fact that J and I are officially married.

 

After the wedding, it was a quick jump to seeing houses to choose one to move to from our current. We went back to Toronto the weekend after our wedding to pick-up Apollo from his Grandparents house, since he insisted on staying after the wedding. That weekend, Artemis had been sick with a fever; cranky all weekend. We attended my cousins wedding, and it was back to Windsor. Artemis still cranky, eventually figuring out she has an ear infection, made it that much harder to get on with finding a new house.

The house we currently have is just absurdly huge for two short adults, and three midgets. J spends a lot of time away, leaving me to do the maintenance of the house and in it’s whole. Well it’s just too big to maintain alone, with three kids. Plus, the cost of our rent is up the bazooka. All the hard work J does makes it feel like more than half of what he takes home is rent. Obviously something had to give. So we ended up finding a big enough house to house our family of 5, but making it a little snug with visitors. It’s doable if you divide everyone per room, haha. So, the crazy of packing and moving slowly has commenced and were due to be out of our old rental and into the new one on Friday. The rush is only so we can make my brother-in-laws birthday this weekend, and because J leaves again on the 3rd. So moving on my own with three kids would be one that would send me to the looney bin.

My life seems to be on a serious roller coaster all the time. It’s become so consistent in falls, I’ve stopped getting that feeling you get in your tummy when you suddenly fall. I almost wish I was just stuck in between the fall and landing. Just sit there, as if I was waiting to be rescued from the technical issue.

 

“My one day mental health day, took a long ass daaay and let me tell you why.”

 

When you have PPD & PPA, it isn’t a matter of the moment you’re angry, or sad, or anxious and it goes away. You spend a long moment, sometimes lasting days feeling down, depressed, anxious, worried, in panic, angry and you cannot pin point the root of where it began and what triggered it. An easy day it seems, doesn’t feel that way internally. You lose all motivation in life, what makes you easily smile is crushed into a billion pieces, what wakes you in the morning is no longer appreciation for another day to live with your loved ones, but another day you dread because..well.. waking-up just hurts all of you. Your soul doesn’t feel bruised, it feels like it’s all jumbled-up and no one can take you out of this nasty ‘rut’ you feel.

The sad thing is, it’s all feelings brought up by your mental thoughts. You say, do affirmations, think positive, but it’s not that easy. Your mind, it takes charge, and it takes over every bit of you and controls you from your emotions. It’s on over drive.

 

“Days, weeks, a month has gone by and this ‘thing’ of a feeling has you on a choke-hold, barely allowing you to breathe, and you’ve accepted that drowning is easier than trying to save yourself. It’s all too hard to.”

 

 

 

MM, out!

7 Tips on Surviving Part-time Motherhood

J, is a project engineer for an automation company who supplies for the automotive industry. He works long hours, and spends very little time at home, aside from the weekend that flies by so quick. J also has to travel for work to oversee installations of their projects, provide tech support, and so forth. The trips away from home varies in length. One trip can be six days, the next, a few weeks with weekends at home or a month coming home just one weekend. 

What I know of this life is glamourized by the veterans who have gone, or is going through the same situation. They put out a picture of the perfect husband who provides from never being home and a housewife dressed to the tee, baking, getting homework done, clean home and well-behaved children. 

Let me tell you though.. that shit is a lie! 

I’m confused, obviously. Conflicted between being a supportive partner who wants her guy to be happy and to achieve goals for himself, and needy partner who can’t handle motherhood alone.

It’s pretty overwhelming to have to manage everything at the home front 24/7 and have absolutely not a minute to breathe. No there isn’t family or friends to depend on. We moved 3.5 hrs away from all of that to chase the dream. It’s so hard to find the balance between being supportive and bitter because really, only one of you are working towards your goals. It’s a bit hard to do it at the same time, when you’ve got three children, two of them under two. 

I spent the last three days drained. The crying, the whining, the fighting, the never ending demands of little midgets who rule every bit of you. I mean, who’s the adult here? I’m pretty sure that’s just a title..and whatever power you think you have over three children is laughed off by their evil little minds that are so clever and manipulative. You win some, you lose some. 

But in all the chaos of part-time single parenting, here is what I learned..

1. Forget Routine and Expectations, seriously 

No, you cannot have plans and not break them. No you cannot think you’ll clean after dinner, and get it done. No you cannot expect a toddler to not get up on her high chair 20 million times, while she’s eating. No you cannot expect your 1 yr old to sit in her high chair for every meal time and have that go smoothly. No you cannot go out to grab a few things are the market, without someone having a temper tantrum or spilling something, or Pooping, or puking. There is no point to scheduling. 

2. Take-out, for food 

I swear the last time J was gone, we ate nothing but take-out.. our garbage and recycling literally filled with Chinese food boxes from chicken wings, Tupperware of noodles, and pizza boxes. That’s all we ate at every meal. You cannot cook a nice meal with two children, under two. Are you crazy? How do you even? I cooked maybe once – it was taco. 

3. Take-up drinking

For someone who stopped drinking after having her first child, I’ve become a light-weight. But I feel like if I take it up again, my tolerance will get better right away because the amount of drinking I should be doing for the amount of craziness it is to get through one day equals to about $24 — three bottles of “girls night out” pink juice with a hint of alcohol for the weak tolerance, people. 

So $24×5=$120/week, 15 bottles/week..yes I’m finally an alcoholic! Perks of motherhood 😆

4. SCREW CLEANING

Your house will never actually be clean, because who has time to do that while you’re dying from every other chore of being a lone parent? So screw it. I should start using the dishwasher. We’ve lived here a year and like every other Asian mom out there, my dishwasher is merely for drying dishes and storing large pots. Shame! 

5. Small trips

Party city, Wal-Mart and The Superstore has become our go-to place during the weeknights. I swear, these places either save me from wanting to strangle myself from the stress, or it’s heaven on days where I can find something for distraction. 

6. Video chat 

Thank God for technology. Having to ability to video chat, allows for the mixed emotions to still be shared on the table. Crying, screaming and face time, like he never left. 

7. Zero fuc*s

You are absolutely out of your mind if you thought you’d still live your normal, while the other adult is gone. Nope! Everything is chaotic. You don’t get to be a responsible adult, and get shit done. Nope! You get to be a sloppy, teenager, babysitting little siblings, who eats noodles, for two meal times and miss breakfast because you’d rather sleep some more. All rules, all schedules, everything is literally out of whack. So just live it! 
Honestly at the end of the day, you kept your kids, alive and together. They’re probably traumatized from all the demonic screaming you did all day, but the peaceful quietness that come after they close their eyes, is the perfect feeling of worth it for the sacrifices you make as individuals in an adult relationship. 

MM, out! 

Here Comes Eleven!

Eleven Years, Happy for Eleven

In eleven days, J and I will take each other’s hands, look into each other’s eyes and profess to each other, just for each other what this new milestone in each of our lives mean.

Ten Years Together – 2017 Engagement

First Photo Together

 

In eleven days, it will be the eleventh year that we have said yes, everyday to each other. It will be eleven years that we have been in each other’s lives, helping one another through life. It will be eleven years of friendship. Eleven years of trial & error, learning, and understanding each other. 

 

We have gone through eleven years of fun, eating trips, shopping, movies, and down time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It took me twenty-nine years to find someone who I can call mine. Twenty-nine years, to find someone who can tolerate the imbalance of my nature. Twenty-nine years to find someone who loves me for who I am, and not what he chooses to love of me. Twenty-nine years, for me to realize that while it’s easy for me to give love, it is a lot harder to receive it. But when you have been with someone for eleven years, that person teaches you to love yourself so you can receive love.

 

 

 

Different Individuals, One in The Same

 

It has been a roller-coster ride with J. From becoming young parents at twenty-one and twenty-three, not knowing how to be together and raise another, to learning together how to be adults, how to be parents, and how see our differences and how it strengthens us, together.

 

 

It wasn’t all easy. 

As time went, we understood what it meant to be ourselves, and how that bonded us together. It allowed us to give freely to each other, provide limits, and to understand where we stood as individuals, to keep us grounded. It wasn’t all easy. But we said yes each time, anyway.

“We grew together. We experienced life on our own, together. We learned from one another, and found ways to push each other. “

What I Have Learned These Last Ten Years…

You won’t alnways see eye-to-eye in everything. You won’t always understand each other, in the exact moments you need to. Things won’t ever be perfect. You will be you, and he will be him. But however each of you make it in the end, is a testimony that your faith always led you back together.

We don’t agree on everything. We DO fight. We don’t make decisions alike, but we always know when to find each other. 

 

To more years of doing things together, loving one another, looking at each other with laughter, finding fun with each other, and raising three little rascals, together!

“Here’s to looking at you, kid!”

 

 

 

MM, out!

 

 

The 5 Things I Want My Sensitive Son To Know

My first born is a boy. Ever since he was a toddler, he has always been the sensitive type. This was a bit of a challenge for J and I because, we are both outspoken people. As Apollo got older, the more we realized how much he internalizes situations more than the next person. He understood more in situations, felt everything, and was easy to cry about arguments or misunderstandings.

 

J and I kept trying to build up Apollo. Strengthen his heart, make him braver, and less emotional. Why? Why did we do that? Why would we want to change our sweet boy?

There was a phase in his life at an old school where he was being bullied. Instead of teaching him to be kind nonetheless, we advised him to fight back. To never allow anyone to touch him the wrong way, and hurt him. But he couldn’t see things our way. He would cry when we teach him how to be physical. Yes, you’re all judging us right now, but who are you to judge? You parent your way, we parent our way. I’m not asking for your way, I’m openly sharing my experience with my son, because J and I have also learnt from this. Things are different now.

J and I were angry, at the fact that our child so kind and sweet, was physically being hurt because he couldn’t find it in his heart to justify physically hurting someone else for the wrong they’ve committed. Our son, so pure in heart. But we were hurting, and our way was to retaliate. This bully even had his father say mean things behind our son’s back and even about J. The child shared these rude comments with my son, and I felt so heartbroken and angry for my son. But in all of this, my son taught us that being kind has no limits, or has no condition. You are either kind, or not.

Apollo is brave, intelligent, kind, sweet, loving, generous, and thoughtful. 

 

 

The 5 Things I Want My Sensitive Son To Know

1. Be Who You Are, No Matter WhatIn a world that is constantly changing, and not for the better. We need more kind-hearted individuals like you. Who you are, and how you treat others, is what makes this world a little better. We don’t need you to change for us, or for others. Stay as you are, and protect the good in you.
2. Choose Kindness, AlwaysBeing kind, is the most wonderful thing in this world. When you share kindness with others, it sends a ripple affect and one of those people you shared your kind heart with, will eventually share it with someone else. Always be kind, in all you do and say.
3. Never Let Anyone Hurt You As much as we value your kindness, we would never, ever want anyone to hurt you physically or emotionally. If you feel that this is something you cannot deal with on your own, Daddy and I will always be here to help you through it. Don’t ever let anyone hurt you, in any way. We will be your crutch, we will be your shield. While we cannot always physically be there, talk to us, ask us.
4. Love With All of YouLove won’t always be pretty, nor easy. But in real Love is always something good. Love with all of you. Love hard. Love like you want, because there is nothing better in this world, than to love.
5. Respect & Honesty Go Hand-in-HandRespect yourself and respect others. Always remember that what you put out into the world, comes back to you. Just as being kind is important, so is being respectful. No matter the circumstances, the words and actions we let go of, have consequences. Always be honest with yourself, be truthful with others. It wont always be easy to tell someone the truth, they wont always want to hear it, they wont always understand. But if there’s anything good you can do for someone is to tell the truth. In time, they will understand.

 

Life is not easy my son. Life is full of surprises and challenges. What we do with these challenges is what helps us grow. I promise that while it isn’t easy, daddy and I are always here. No matter the distance, the time, the circumstance, we will always be here for you. 

 

 

 

 

 

MM, out!

Sunshine Blogger Award

I was nominated by Kayla from Adventures of a Young Mother!

I met Kayla in the blogging world. Her story of being a Young mother and taking on motherhood with poise is quite inspiring and if I may add has a super duper adorable little boy who just makes you squeal from his cute photos Kayla posts on Instagram. I am so happy to have met her, even online because she reminds me a lot of myself, becoming a mom at 21. Thank you, Kayla!

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WHAT’S SUNSHINE BLOGGER AWARD?

“It’s an award made for bloggers who are creative, positive, and always aim to be inspiring.“

Rules For Sunshine Blogger Award

• Thank the blogger who nominated them and link it back to their blog.
• Answer the 11 questions asked by the blogger who nominated them.
• Nominate 11 other blogs and give them 11 new questions to answer.
• Notify your nominees and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post.

 

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 YOUR FAVOURITE THING ABOUT BLOGGING? 

I have always loved writing since I was a child. It was my way to write down the experiences I had then and to be able to track my progress as I grew-up. A lot of why I wrote had to do with feeling unwanted and needing to prove myself -worth. As I go back to my entries in my diaries and now through my precious private blogs, I see better how I’ve grown and changed throughout the years. It helps better who I am.

I ALSO, got into blogging because I wanted the dirty details of motherhood to be up front and center for anyone online looking to relate their experience in motherhood and along with a sprinkle of my personal growth that can sometimes serve as a hilarious comic. I MEAN, half the shit that life throws at you is absolutely normal and with that said, it’s not necessarily something we should take with a smile. It’s not always pretty or easy and being able to share the raw aspect of what it means to experience life as a human being is one we all share as strangers just trying to live each day, one shitty story or one inspiring story at a time.

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WHAT DO YOU WANT READERS TO TAKE FROM YOUR BLOG? 

I WANT my readers to cry, I want them to get angry, I want them to feel scared, I want them to feel inspired and motivated and maybe shit them themselves from laughter (lol). I want my readers to take my posts as it is and share the emotions as they read on. TO FEEL captured by the truth of my life and to really FEEL what it makes them feel. Every story is only truly understood when you allow it to capture your heart.

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WHAT’S THE BEST BLOGGING ADVICE YOU’VE BEEN GIVEN? 

I have yet to get any advice on blogging, but what I have always believed in as a writer is, writing from your heart. To write when you feel inspired. To write for yourself before anyone else. The more honest you are, the more people can relate. The more you can, possibly, change love and inspire good in people.

 

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HOW MANY CHILDREN DO YOU HAVE? HOW OLD ARE YOUR LO’S?

 

 

 

I have three children. APOLLO, a boy who’s eight. ARTEMIS, a girl who’s two. CASSIOPEIA, a girl who’s one. 

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WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPIEST AS A MOTHER?

 

Having never met my mother or know anything about her, created a lot of chaos in me as a child. I made a vow to myself that if ever God wanted children in my lifetime, that I would do everything in my power to love that child(ren) with all of me. Being a mother in itself, makes me the happiest. Being a mother completes me, it makes me feel loved, the way I always yearned for. I love having my own family and being able to get that unconditional love from my children is the greatest blessing I have ever received from above. 

 

 

 

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WHAT IS THE BIGGEST STRUGGLE YOU’VE ENCOUNTERED AS A MOTHER? 

 

The biggest struggle I have as a mother right now is having Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety & OCD. The challenge in taking myself out of the depths of the symptoms that come with Postpartum Depression. It’s not always easy to get yourself up and out of bed to tackle the days requirements as a mother. It’s hard to deal with as a person, and even harder as a mother and everything in between that come with this illness. It’s a struggle all on it’s own. The internal struggles only I can fix and deal with. An illness that affects those that surround me on the daily.

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WHAT DO YOU DO FOR ME TIME? 

I’m honestly terrible at self-care. It’s hard for me to pin point what I do for “me-time” because honestly, between my husband gone all day (till dinner) or away for work travels, I don’t have “me-time”. I don’t do babysitters nor do I have family close by to help (we moved to another city a year ago). But bedtime is usually my “me-time” where I can shower and focus on my skin-care. I also take trips to Starbucks with the kids in tow throughout the day to enjoy a beverage I can share with my kids because yes, moms don’t get to eat or drink without sharing. 

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WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIE?

I have a ton of favourites, from ‘Casablanca’ to, ‘My Best Friends Wedding’ to, ‘Run Away Bride’ and so on. But if I had to choose one to watch over and over again, my ultimate go-to is, ‘The Godfather’ series. I love everything from that movie. The way they love family, to the way their idea of justice works to the underlying, manipulative perspective of kindness. Haha, I’m a sucker for gangster movies.

 

 

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WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE DATE NIGHT? 

I love food! A date to a new restaurant or one of our favourite go-to restaurants is an awesome date night for me. Keep me full and fed, I would be the happiest person ever, until the next time I get to eat again. LOL

 

 

 

 

 

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WHAT DID YOU GET FOR MOTHER’S DAY? 

 

 

I honestly didn’t expect anything because I didn’t really say what I wanted, but I got spoiled! My son surprised me with a painting he made at school on a canvas and a card from scratch that included a poem 💘. My husband surprised me with a two necklaces. One, a heart engraved with my children’s initials, with a ‘mom’ attachment. The other, three intertwined hearts to represent my three children. 💝 I also got a mug that says, ‘Best Mom ❤ (ever)’ and a manicure & pedicure the day before, and some new kicks in my favourite colour (green). 

 

 

 

I hope you enjoyed getting to know more about me! 

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MY NOMINEES

1. Robin ➡️ The Mama Playbook
   
2. Tina ➡️ No, You Need To Calm Down 
3. Tifanny ➡️ Short Sweet Mom
4. Jasmine ➡️ Love, Life, Laugh, Motherhood
5. Elizabeth ➡️ Bettys Battleground
6. Delia ➡️ Punk To Pacifiers
7. Elizabeth ➡️ Worth Writing For 
8. Ant ➡️ Our Cookery
9. Archie ➡️ Presentfullmama
10. Caitlin ➡️ Rogers Party of 5
11. Sirri ➡️ Super Sirrious Mom 

 

All these amazing bloggers spew out creativity in all the awesome contents they share with others. Not only do they share their lives, but they support others through it. They inspire through their own stories, capturing everyone’s hearts one sentence at a time. The positive support they consistently promote within the community of bloggers and mothers is one that creates a world united by strength and powerful women. So congratulations to each and everyone who has been recognized for this award. Keep sharing the love!

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QUESTIONS FOR MY NOMINEES: 

1. If you could tell your past self something about motherhood, what would it be?
2. What are your two “mom guilt” you often think about?
3. If you could advocate for children, what would you advocate for?
4. What’s one bad habit you have as a mom?
5. If you could be in charge of your child(ren)’s future career, what would it be?
6. What is your recent mom fail?
7. What would you have been, or be if you weren’t a mom?
8. What’s one advice you’d like to share with a soon-to-be mom or new mom?
9. Who’s your hero?
10. What would you describe yourself as, as a mom?
11. What’s your biggest fear as a mom?

 

Update on My Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety & OCD (A month after)

 

It’s been a little bit over a month, since I seen the doctor for the initial diagnosis of my postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety & OCD. I had met with him again just last Tuesday to see how the medication he’s prescribed is working for me. I had to refill that prescription for the second time, before seeing him again, since the month after visit went a bit over a month to get an appointment with him.

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Here’s my update

• I still get a lot of down days
• I still get overwhelmed easily
• My anger is still uncontrollable
• My head still feels foggy
• I still have a hard time focusing
• I have a hard time remembering things
• I still can’t sleep at night
• My eating habbits are still outta whack (lost 10 lbs)
• Days when I feel super down, It’s really hard to snap out of it
• I feel unmotivated 50% of the time

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But…

• I don’t cry as often
• I push myself harder to get out of bed, and actually get out of bed
• I’m learning to control being angry all the time
• I’m able to leave the house and run errands more than before
• I’m okay with seeing people again – just not for long periods of time
• I’ve learned to slow down on doing things and not finding it a burden to have to do it there and then
• I’m taking breaks
• I’m noticing better, when I’m burnt out
• My relationship with my son, is slowly getting better 

 

The doctor has increased the dosage of the same medication he previously prescribed and advised me that in a month, if it still appears to not be working then he’ll either raise the dosage again, or change the medication.

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Here’s thing about going through postpartum depression of any levels, it doesn’t matter what medication you take it will not get rid of it but just help you deal with it “better”. The professionals on this topic also advises to take some type of counselling. Whats happened in your past, is most likely a contributor to this sickness. All the pent-up emotions you did so well to hide, is what’s actually creeping out and attacking you. So talking to a professional counselor helps you determine part of the root of the problems that linger, that you’re not dealing with, but it doesn’t get rid of postpartum depression, or any other level of ppd. It takes time, it requires work, it requires motivation to get better, it requires for you, the individual itself to want to get better. It’s a journey. It’s a battle. It’s an experience, but you don’t have to become it. You can choose everything after it.

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♥

Thank you for following my journey with Postpartum Depression/Anxiety & OCD. Your support has been wonderful. I am here for you, just as you are for me. Remember that it’s better to go through this with someone, than alone.

If you know anyone who appears to be going through something that sounds like postpartum depression, please listen. Please do not judge. Please be kind. If you need help, ask. If you don’t know what’s wrong, see your physician.

♥

MM, out!

In The Shade of Grey

My heart feels heavy.. the way it does when you feel at a loss. These days feel confusing, uncertain of whether or not it’s my own feelings or postpartum depression seeping in. I feel sad, the way you do when you’ve lost a pet or maybe your favourite shirt. The feeling of unsettling prying at you. Again, I cannot tell you why. I don’t know why.

My mind seems to never retain anything these days. From reading, to small reminders, I cannot for the life of me, remember! My mind feels lost..like it’s not there. My thoughts all jumbled up.. weary of what I should be remembering, but don’t.

 

 

I have no motivation for anything. Not inspired on my own but with everything else. Does that make sense to you? It doesn’t to me. I don’t know what I want. I used to. I used to be so sure. I knew how to go about it. I knew how to get it. I knew how hard I’d need to work for it. But I knew what I wanted..and that I would get it. I’ve done it this way for as long as I can remember.. but now.. now, I feel nothing. No persistence, no efforts, no clue, nothing!

I keep telling myself this illness will pass. That it won’t be forever, that I’ll find my way again. But deep down, I’m afraid. I’m afraid for feeling imprisoned by this unsettling feeling of uncertainty. I’m afraid to feel so deep into this, that I don’t even know where to start to figure this illness out or fix it. No one else can do it for me. Medication merely makes it bearable, but who wants to just bear it? I want it gone.

I’m obviously not mentally strong enough, the way I thought I was.. to be able to mentally right this. The weight on my heart that makes it so hard to breathe. My constant anger repressed so that my children wouldn’t get the worst of it. I’m done letting this break my children. I’m made more efforts in fixing what I’ve already broken with my son..it’s working! I’m so glad for that. But deep down, the things I try so hard to control it’s heavy! It’s hard to! I’m slowly losing my grip.

 

It went from a really awesome Mother’s Day, to turning twenty-nine, to feeling absolutely lost!

I’m not prepared to battle this, I really am not. I don’t know the first step to. I don’t ever know how to shake it off. I feel like I’m drowning into the abyss of whatever this illness is.

I look at that photo of my children and me, and all I can think about is how much of that moment, I recall. Did I feel happy, genuinely? My smile.. it beams so effortlessly, it makes me feel like I was, happy.. in that moment. Then I look into my eyes, I see it stare right through me.

I don’t have any easy out in this post. I cannot leave you feeling settled or with a resolution.. all I have is a boundless feeling of shame and guilt. 

 

 

This is my struggle with postpartum depression.

 

 

 

 

MM, out!

Bug Bite Thing: Pre-Review

Do you suffer from mosquito or other bug/insect bites during the summer months? 

Living in Windsor, ON, Canada, this is a huge problem for my family and me. This is an issue that prevents me from allowing fire-pit nights, roasting marshmallows outside with my children, to avoid bug bites. Even with the layers of long sleeves, with sweaters, sweat pants and bug sprays, somehow the mosquitoes still find it through the fabric.

 

I recently received this god-sent tool from Bug Bite Thing. It’s an item parents are raving about, because it’s a tool you cannot live without when you have children mixed with the summer season filled with bugs and insects. 

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You’ll be able to find the answer to that annoying itch, discomfort, and swelling issues you have with mosquitoes and other bugs or insects.

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What is it? 

A suction that safely and instantly extracts insect venom in your skin from bug/insect bites. 

 

 

 

My Son’s Review:

Is it heavy?
“Not at all. It’s totally light, even a baby can hold it.”

Is it hard to use? 
“It’s pretty easy to use, not complicated or hard to pull.”

Does the pressure hurt?
“No, it doesn’t hurt. It’s just a sucking feeling on your skin.”

Would you use this?
“Yeah, I hate scratching my mosquito bites all night!”

 

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You can literally keep a bunch of these bad boys everywhere, from your backyard, to your purse, to your luggage for travel, and especially around the house. 

 

 

 

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Buy it as birthday gifts for anyone or as one of the house warming gifts for your family and friends. 

 

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Where can I find this? 

www.bugbitething.com

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 FAQ’s about “Bug Bite Thing”

• It is a suction pump that removes the poison beneath the skin’s surface to immediately reduce pain and itch from insect bites
• It requires no batteries
• No needles / No chemicals ↔ just suction
• Good for bug bites like: mosquitoes, bees, wasps, spiders, black flies, hornets, ants and more..
• Use it the first two minutes after the bite or sting (but it’ll still have effect even after use hours or days after).
• Kid friendly
• Pregnant friendly
• Use soapy water to clean and sanitize with alcohol wipes (avoid water in the pump portion)

MM, out!