Does Taking a Mental Health Day help for Individuals With PPD & PPA?

I have been a ghost lately with writing, only keeping up with my social media platfoorms sharing specs of my day.

 

“I was merely taking a break and using my mental health day card.”

 

I can’t begin to tell you what it feels like to have fallen into the abyss. Like your soul stuck in the deep, half fighting to get out, looking for some kind of reason to save itself from falling time and time again. I had called it quits on writing, called it quits on connecting with others, networking with others, and just sharing how everything has been stirring in my pot of life.

The truth is, it started off as a ‘break’ and as time lapsed, it became harder and harder to find myself in the things I thought helped me with self-care. 

 

Then, life happened some more. J, had left for Mexico for another work trip lasting two and a half weeks. His return date was the weekend before our wedding. It made it that much harder to go back to my routine, when you have to be present for the kids ALL.THE.TIME. You get no breaks.

“No breaks to pee, no breaks to shower, no breaks to eat a full meal, no breaks!”

Thankfully, a couple of our friends came for Canada Day with their son, to help busy up my eldest, have some adult conversations for a weekend, and have some extra pair of hands for help. Oh was it helpful, indeed!

 

J, finally came home. He got half a day of rest and the next day we were off to Toronto, for our wedding. We would be spending nine days in total in Toronto, getting last minute stuff done, from baby shoes, to haircuts, to mani-pedi, to all the in-between; I lost energy to accomplish before the week of the wedding. The days before the weekend was spent hanging out with our best of friends, and soaking in the time we don’t usually have when we head back home to Toronto for a weekend. It was indeed a good time.

The day of the wedding came, it was beautiful in all of its glory. The ceremony had everyone in tears, including my middle-child who photobombed our kiss. But in all of its awesomeness, is the fact that J and I are officially married.

 

After the wedding, it was a quick jump to seeing houses to choose one to move to from our current. We went back to Toronto the weekend after our wedding to pick-up Apollo from his Grandparents house, since he insisted on staying after the wedding. That weekend, Artemis had been sick with a fever; cranky all weekend. We attended my cousins wedding, and it was back to Windsor. Artemis still cranky, eventually figuring out she has an ear infection, made it that much harder to get on with finding a new house.

The house we currently have is just absurdly huge for two short adults, and three midgets. J spends a lot of time away, leaving me to do the maintenance of the house and in it’s whole. Well it’s just too big to maintain alone, with three kids. Plus, the cost of our rent is up the bazooka. All the hard work J does makes it feel like more than half of what he takes home is rent. Obviously something had to give. So we ended up finding a big enough house to house our family of 5, but making it a little snug with visitors. It’s doable if you divide everyone per room, haha. So, the crazy of packing and moving slowly has commenced and were due to be out of our old rental and into the new one on Friday. The rush is only so we can make my brother-in-laws birthday this weekend, and because J leaves again on the 3rd. So moving on my own with three kids would be one that would send me to the looney bin.

My life seems to be on a serious roller coaster all the time. It’s become so consistent in falls, I’ve stopped getting that feeling you get in your tummy when you suddenly fall. I almost wish I was just stuck in between the fall and landing. Just sit there, as if I was waiting to be rescued from the technical issue.

 

“My one day mental health day, took a long ass daaay and let me tell you why.”

 

When you have PPD & PPA, it isn’t a matter of the moment you’re angry, or sad, or anxious and it goes away. You spend a long moment, sometimes lasting days feeling down, depressed, anxious, worried, in panic, angry and you cannot pin point the root of where it began and what triggered it. An easy day it seems, doesn’t feel that way internally. You lose all motivation in life, what makes you easily smile is crushed into a billion pieces, what wakes you in the morning is no longer appreciation for another day to live with your loved ones, but another day you dread because..well.. waking-up just hurts all of you. Your soul doesn’t feel bruised, it feels like it’s all jumbled-up and no one can take you out of this nasty ‘rut’ you feel.

The sad thing is, it’s all feelings brought up by your mental thoughts. You say, do affirmations, think positive, but it’s not that easy. Your mind, it takes charge, and it takes over every bit of you and controls you from your emotions. It’s on over drive.

 

“Days, weeks, a month has gone by and this ‘thing’ of a feeling has you on a choke-hold, barely allowing you to breathe, and you’ve accepted that drowning is easier than trying to save yourself. It’s all too hard to.”

 

 

 

MM, out!

Belle River

Remember at the end of last year when I mentioned that, there are a ton of changes to happen this year?

The first of the amazing things to look forward to this year was the birth of our Third child, Cassiopeia. She was born this month, and boy is it amazing to have three children. It’s quite chaotic, and an adjustment on its own. I mean, having one child was an adjustment, then came the second, and that was even more of an adjustment because, the second time around we had a girl. For the last six years, we raised a boy. But we managed. We learned, we conquered, still conquering, and now, I think we’re doing okay raising Artemis who is now a one year old. It’s a lot to be alone with three kids. Getting one child ready for school, and then getting the other two ready to tag along was overwhelming the first time. What I have learned so far is that, there’s absolutely no such thing as being well prepared ahead of time. There’s no such thing as timing specific things so that it works out you’re on time. If J, and I managed to be on time for things with the first two children, having five people in our family definitely means, now, that we’ll be punctual in our definition of time. But the good of all of this is, the moments that make it all worth while. Just like the car ride is filled with laughter in the back seat because, Apollo and Artemis is now sitting beside each other, and the fun is great. I love how Arty constantly kisses her baby sister. Unlimited, slobbery, kisses for Cassi. There’s so much love. My home is filled with so much love, and it’s all I ever wanted. 

On to the next; 

J, recently accepted to team up with an automation company in Michigan, USA. That means, we’re required to move. While we have decided not to move to the USA for the job, because it’s just too much with a newborn, we have decided to relocate near the boarder. That means, Windsor, ON. We actually found a house fifteen minutes outside of Windsor, in Lakeshore, ON. It’s quite a nice place, in a nice neighbourhood, safe for the kids. This means, goodbye Toronto. The home, we grew-up in, the neighbourhood we only know to be home. It’s going to be quite a change. A scary one at that, since we don’t know much about being three and a half hours away. The move is scary, the transition is scary, but nothing is greater than knowing our lives continue to move forward. 

J, and I are goal oriented people. We do our best for our kids, and we work hard as a family. So, this next adventure is definitely one for the books. Now we don’t expect to be gone forever. We don’t expect to be over there forever, but we do expect to make that place our home for the next few years. 

This change is bittersweet. As much as I like to believe being far away is going to strengthen our bonds within our immediate family, it is going to be hard to be away from everyone we know; our family, our friends, our neighbourhood, the things we enjoy within our city, and the things that aK has grown up to know within his surrounding for the last seven years. This move isn’t just going to be a transition for us, but also for the kids, especially aK. aK’s been to two schools in the last three years of his academic life. He’s about to venture into another one, and rebuild again, in terms of his relationships with teachers, and peers. He’ll be leaving his best friend behind, and find a new one over there. I’m certain he’ll be fine, but the soft-heart mommy in me can’t help but worry he may struggle at first. But this is a struggle we’ll all be tackling together, as a family, and that’s all that matters. 

Anyway, this is all the time I have folks. I’ll be sure to update you with more great news soon! 

I’m hungry.