Does Taking a Mental Health Day help for Individuals With PPD & PPA?

I have been a ghost lately with writing, only keeping up with my social media platfoorms sharing specs of my day.

 

“I was merely taking a break and using my mental health day card.”

 

I can’t begin to tell you what it feels like to have fallen into the abyss. Like your soul stuck in the deep, half fighting to get out, looking for some kind of reason to save itself from falling time and time again. I had called it quits on writing, called it quits on connecting with others, networking with others, and just sharing how everything has been stirring in my pot of life.

The truth is, it started off as a ‘break’ and as time lapsed, it became harder and harder to find myself in the things I thought helped me with self-care. 

 

Then, life happened some more. J, had left for Mexico for another work trip lasting two and a half weeks. His return date was the weekend before our wedding. It made it that much harder to go back to my routine, when you have to be present for the kids ALL.THE.TIME. You get no breaks.

“No breaks to pee, no breaks to shower, no breaks to eat a full meal, no breaks!”

Thankfully, a couple of our friends came for Canada Day with their son, to help busy up my eldest, have some adult conversations for a weekend, and have some extra pair of hands for help. Oh was it helpful, indeed!

 

J, finally came home. He got half a day of rest and the next day we were off to Toronto, for our wedding. We would be spending nine days in total in Toronto, getting last minute stuff done, from baby shoes, to haircuts, to mani-pedi, to all the in-between; I lost energy to accomplish before the week of the wedding. The days before the weekend was spent hanging out with our best of friends, and soaking in the time we don’t usually have when we head back home to Toronto for a weekend. It was indeed a good time.

The day of the wedding came, it was beautiful in all of its glory. The ceremony had everyone in tears, including my middle-child who photobombed our kiss. But in all of its awesomeness, is the fact that J and I are officially married.

 

After the wedding, it was a quick jump to seeing houses to choose one to move to from our current. We went back to Toronto the weekend after our wedding to pick-up Apollo from his Grandparents house, since he insisted on staying after the wedding. That weekend, Artemis had been sick with a fever; cranky all weekend. We attended my cousins wedding, and it was back to Windsor. Artemis still cranky, eventually figuring out she has an ear infection, made it that much harder to get on with finding a new house.

The house we currently have is just absurdly huge for two short adults, and three midgets. J spends a lot of time away, leaving me to do the maintenance of the house and in it’s whole. Well it’s just too big to maintain alone, with three kids. Plus, the cost of our rent is up the bazooka. All the hard work J does makes it feel like more than half of what he takes home is rent. Obviously something had to give. So we ended up finding a big enough house to house our family of 5, but making it a little snug with visitors. It’s doable if you divide everyone per room, haha. So, the crazy of packing and moving slowly has commenced and were due to be out of our old rental and into the new one on Friday. The rush is only so we can make my brother-in-laws birthday this weekend, and because J leaves again on the 3rd. So moving on my own with three kids would be one that would send me to the looney bin.

My life seems to be on a serious roller coaster all the time. It’s become so consistent in falls, I’ve stopped getting that feeling you get in your tummy when you suddenly fall. I almost wish I was just stuck in between the fall and landing. Just sit there, as if I was waiting to be rescued from the technical issue.

 

“My one day mental health day, took a long ass daaay and let me tell you why.”

 

When you have PPD & PPA, it isn’t a matter of the moment you’re angry, or sad, or anxious and it goes away. You spend a long moment, sometimes lasting days feeling down, depressed, anxious, worried, in panic, angry and you cannot pin point the root of where it began and what triggered it. An easy day it seems, doesn’t feel that way internally. You lose all motivation in life, what makes you easily smile is crushed into a billion pieces, what wakes you in the morning is no longer appreciation for another day to live with your loved ones, but another day you dread because..well.. waking-up just hurts all of you. Your soul doesn’t feel bruised, it feels like it’s all jumbled-up and no one can take you out of this nasty ‘rut’ you feel.

The sad thing is, it’s all feelings brought up by your mental thoughts. You say, do affirmations, think positive, but it’s not that easy. Your mind, it takes charge, and it takes over every bit of you and controls you from your emotions. It’s on over drive.

 

“Days, weeks, a month has gone by and this ‘thing’ of a feeling has you on a choke-hold, barely allowing you to breathe, and you’ve accepted that drowning is easier than trying to save yourself. It’s all too hard to.”

 

 

 

MM, out!

7 Tips on Surviving Part-time Motherhood

J, is a project engineer for an automation company who supplies for the automotive industry. He works long hours, and spends very little time at home, aside from the weekend that flies by so quick. J also has to travel for work to oversee installations of their projects, provide tech support, and so forth. The trips away from home varies in length. One trip can be six days, the next, a few weeks with weekends at home or a month coming home just one weekend. 

What I know of this life is glamourized by the veterans who have gone, or is going through the same situation. They put out a picture of the perfect husband who provides from never being home and a housewife dressed to the tee, baking, getting homework done, clean home and well-behaved children. 

Let me tell you though.. that shit is a lie! 

I’m confused, obviously. Conflicted between being a supportive partner who wants her guy to be happy and to achieve goals for himself, and needy partner who can’t handle motherhood alone.

It’s pretty overwhelming to have to manage everything at the home front 24/7 and have absolutely not a minute to breathe. No there isn’t family or friends to depend on. We moved 3.5 hrs away from all of that to chase the dream. It’s so hard to find the balance between being supportive and bitter because really, only one of you are working towards your goals. It’s a bit hard to do it at the same time, when you’ve got three children, two of them under two. 

I spent the last three days drained. The crying, the whining, the fighting, the never ending demands of little midgets who rule every bit of you. I mean, who’s the adult here? I’m pretty sure that’s just a title..and whatever power you think you have over three children is laughed off by their evil little minds that are so clever and manipulative. You win some, you lose some. 

But in all the chaos of part-time single parenting, here is what I learned..

1. Forget Routine and Expectations, seriously 

No, you cannot have plans and not break them. No you cannot think you’ll clean after dinner, and get it done. No you cannot expect a toddler to not get up on her high chair 20 million times, while she’s eating. No you cannot expect your 1 yr old to sit in her high chair for every meal time and have that go smoothly. No you cannot go out to grab a few things are the market, without someone having a temper tantrum or spilling something, or Pooping, or puking. There is no point to scheduling. 

2. Take-out, for food 

I swear the last time J was gone, we ate nothing but take-out.. our garbage and recycling literally filled with Chinese food boxes from chicken wings, Tupperware of noodles, and pizza boxes. That’s all we ate at every meal. You cannot cook a nice meal with two children, under two. Are you crazy? How do you even? I cooked maybe once – it was taco. 

3. Take-up drinking

For someone who stopped drinking after having her first child, I’ve become a light-weight. But I feel like if I take it up again, my tolerance will get better right away because the amount of drinking I should be doing for the amount of craziness it is to get through one day equals to about $24 — three bottles of “girls night out” pink juice with a hint of alcohol for the weak tolerance, people. 

So $24×5=$120/week, 15 bottles/week..yes I’m finally an alcoholic! Perks of motherhood 😆

4. SCREW CLEANING

Your house will never actually be clean, because who has time to do that while you’re dying from every other chore of being a lone parent? So screw it. I should start using the dishwasher. We’ve lived here a year and like every other Asian mom out there, my dishwasher is merely for drying dishes and storing large pots. Shame! 

5. Small trips

Party city, Wal-Mart and The Superstore has become our go-to place during the weeknights. I swear, these places either save me from wanting to strangle myself from the stress, or it’s heaven on days where I can find something for distraction. 

6. Video chat 

Thank God for technology. Having to ability to video chat, allows for the mixed emotions to still be shared on the table. Crying, screaming and face time, like he never left. 

7. Zero fuc*s

You are absolutely out of your mind if you thought you’d still live your normal, while the other adult is gone. Nope! Everything is chaotic. You don’t get to be a responsible adult, and get shit done. Nope! You get to be a sloppy, teenager, babysitting little siblings, who eats noodles, for two meal times and miss breakfast because you’d rather sleep some more. All rules, all schedules, everything is literally out of whack. So just live it! 
Honestly at the end of the day, you kept your kids, alive and together. They’re probably traumatized from all the demonic screaming you did all day, but the peaceful quietness that come after they close their eyes, is the perfect feeling of worth it for the sacrifices you make as individuals in an adult relationship. 

MM, out! 

The 5 Things I Want My Sensitive Son To Know

My first born is a boy. Ever since he was a toddler, he has always been the sensitive type. This was a bit of a challenge for J and I because, we are both outspoken people. As Apollo got older, the more we realized how much he internalizes situations more than the next person. He understood more in situations, felt everything, and was easy to cry about arguments or misunderstandings.

 

J and I kept trying to build up Apollo. Strengthen his heart, make him braver, and less emotional. Why? Why did we do that? Why would we want to change our sweet boy?

There was a phase in his life at an old school where he was being bullied. Instead of teaching him to be kind nonetheless, we advised him to fight back. To never allow anyone to touch him the wrong way, and hurt him. But he couldn’t see things our way. He would cry when we teach him how to be physical. Yes, you’re all judging us right now, but who are you to judge? You parent your way, we parent our way. I’m not asking for your way, I’m openly sharing my experience with my son, because J and I have also learnt from this. Things are different now.

J and I were angry, at the fact that our child so kind and sweet, was physically being hurt because he couldn’t find it in his heart to justify physically hurting someone else for the wrong they’ve committed. Our son, so pure in heart. But we were hurting, and our way was to retaliate. This bully even had his father say mean things behind our son’s back and even about J. The child shared these rude comments with my son, and I felt so heartbroken and angry for my son. But in all of this, my son taught us that being kind has no limits, or has no condition. You are either kind, or not.

Apollo is brave, intelligent, kind, sweet, loving, generous, and thoughtful. 

 

 

The 5 Things I Want My Sensitive Son To Know

1. Be Who You Are, No Matter WhatIn a world that is constantly changing, and not for the better. We need more kind-hearted individuals like you. Who you are, and how you treat others, is what makes this world a little better. We don’t need you to change for us, or for others. Stay as you are, and protect the good in you.
2. Choose Kindness, AlwaysBeing kind, is the most wonderful thing in this world. When you share kindness with others, it sends a ripple affect and one of those people you shared your kind heart with, will eventually share it with someone else. Always be kind, in all you do and say.
3. Never Let Anyone Hurt You As much as we value your kindness, we would never, ever want anyone to hurt you physically or emotionally. If you feel that this is something you cannot deal with on your own, Daddy and I will always be here to help you through it. Don’t ever let anyone hurt you, in any way. We will be your crutch, we will be your shield. While we cannot always physically be there, talk to us, ask us.
4. Love With All of YouLove won’t always be pretty, nor easy. But in real Love is always something good. Love with all of you. Love hard. Love like you want, because there is nothing better in this world, than to love.
5. Respect & Honesty Go Hand-in-HandRespect yourself and respect others. Always remember that what you put out into the world, comes back to you. Just as being kind is important, so is being respectful. No matter the circumstances, the words and actions we let go of, have consequences. Always be honest with yourself, be truthful with others. It wont always be easy to tell someone the truth, they wont always want to hear it, they wont always understand. But if there’s anything good you can do for someone is to tell the truth. In time, they will understand.

 

Life is not easy my son. Life is full of surprises and challenges. What we do with these challenges is what helps us grow. I promise that while it isn’t easy, daddy and I are always here. No matter the distance, the time, the circumstance, we will always be here for you. 

 

 

 

 

 

MM, out!

Sunshine Blogger Award

I was nominated by Kayla from Adventures of a Young Mother!

I met Kayla in the blogging world. Her story of being a Young mother and taking on motherhood with poise is quite inspiring and if I may add has a super duper adorable little boy who just makes you squeal from his cute photos Kayla posts on Instagram. I am so happy to have met her, even online because she reminds me a lot of myself, becoming a mom at 21. Thank you, Kayla!

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WHAT’S SUNSHINE BLOGGER AWARD?

“It’s an award made for bloggers who are creative, positive, and always aim to be inspiring.“

Rules For Sunshine Blogger Award

• Thank the blogger who nominated them and link it back to their blog.
• Answer the 11 questions asked by the blogger who nominated them.
• Nominate 11 other blogs and give them 11 new questions to answer.
• Notify your nominees and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post.

 

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 YOUR FAVOURITE THING ABOUT BLOGGING? 

I have always loved writing since I was a child. It was my way to write down the experiences I had then and to be able to track my progress as I grew-up. A lot of why I wrote had to do with feeling unwanted and needing to prove myself -worth. As I go back to my entries in my diaries and now through my precious private blogs, I see better how I’ve grown and changed throughout the years. It helps better who I am.

I ALSO, got into blogging because I wanted the dirty details of motherhood to be up front and center for anyone online looking to relate their experience in motherhood and along with a sprinkle of my personal growth that can sometimes serve as a hilarious comic. I MEAN, half the shit that life throws at you is absolutely normal and with that said, it’s not necessarily something we should take with a smile. It’s not always pretty or easy and being able to share the raw aspect of what it means to experience life as a human being is one we all share as strangers just trying to live each day, one shitty story or one inspiring story at a time.

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WHAT DO YOU WANT READERS TO TAKE FROM YOUR BLOG? 

I WANT my readers to cry, I want them to get angry, I want them to feel scared, I want them to feel inspired and motivated and maybe shit them themselves from laughter (lol). I want my readers to take my posts as it is and share the emotions as they read on. TO FEEL captured by the truth of my life and to really FEEL what it makes them feel. Every story is only truly understood when you allow it to capture your heart.

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WHAT’S THE BEST BLOGGING ADVICE YOU’VE BEEN GIVEN? 

I have yet to get any advice on blogging, but what I have always believed in as a writer is, writing from your heart. To write when you feel inspired. To write for yourself before anyone else. The more honest you are, the more people can relate. The more you can, possibly, change love and inspire good in people.

 

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HOW MANY CHILDREN DO YOU HAVE? HOW OLD ARE YOUR LO’S?

 

 

 

I have three children. APOLLO, a boy who’s eight. ARTEMIS, a girl who’s two. CASSIOPEIA, a girl who’s one. 

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WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPIEST AS A MOTHER?

 

Having never met my mother or know anything about her, created a lot of chaos in me as a child. I made a vow to myself that if ever God wanted children in my lifetime, that I would do everything in my power to love that child(ren) with all of me. Being a mother in itself, makes me the happiest. Being a mother completes me, it makes me feel loved, the way I always yearned for. I love having my own family and being able to get that unconditional love from my children is the greatest blessing I have ever received from above. 

 

 

 

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WHAT IS THE BIGGEST STRUGGLE YOU’VE ENCOUNTERED AS A MOTHER? 

 

The biggest struggle I have as a mother right now is having Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety & OCD. The challenge in taking myself out of the depths of the symptoms that come with Postpartum Depression. It’s not always easy to get yourself up and out of bed to tackle the days requirements as a mother. It’s hard to deal with as a person, and even harder as a mother and everything in between that come with this illness. It’s a struggle all on it’s own. The internal struggles only I can fix and deal with. An illness that affects those that surround me on the daily.

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WHAT DO YOU DO FOR ME TIME? 

I’m honestly terrible at self-care. It’s hard for me to pin point what I do for “me-time” because honestly, between my husband gone all day (till dinner) or away for work travels, I don’t have “me-time”. I don’t do babysitters nor do I have family close by to help (we moved to another city a year ago). But bedtime is usually my “me-time” where I can shower and focus on my skin-care. I also take trips to Starbucks with the kids in tow throughout the day to enjoy a beverage I can share with my kids because yes, moms don’t get to eat or drink without sharing. 

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WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIE?

I have a ton of favourites, from ‘Casablanca’ to, ‘My Best Friends Wedding’ to, ‘Run Away Bride’ and so on. But if I had to choose one to watch over and over again, my ultimate go-to is, ‘The Godfather’ series. I love everything from that movie. The way they love family, to the way their idea of justice works to the underlying, manipulative perspective of kindness. Haha, I’m a sucker for gangster movies.

 

 

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WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE DATE NIGHT? 

I love food! A date to a new restaurant or one of our favourite go-to restaurants is an awesome date night for me. Keep me full and fed, I would be the happiest person ever, until the next time I get to eat again. LOL

 

 

 

 

 

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WHAT DID YOU GET FOR MOTHER’S DAY? 

 

 

I honestly didn’t expect anything because I didn’t really say what I wanted, but I got spoiled! My son surprised me with a painting he made at school on a canvas and a card from scratch that included a poem 💘. My husband surprised me with a two necklaces. One, a heart engraved with my children’s initials, with a ‘mom’ attachment. The other, three intertwined hearts to represent my three children. 💝 I also got a mug that says, ‘Best Mom ❤ (ever)’ and a manicure & pedicure the day before, and some new kicks in my favourite colour (green). 

 

 

 

I hope you enjoyed getting to know more about me! 

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MY NOMINEES

1. Robin ➡️ The Mama Playbook
   
2. Tina ➡️ No, You Need To Calm Down 
3. Tifanny ➡️ Short Sweet Mom
4. Jasmine ➡️ Love, Life, Laugh, Motherhood
5. Elizabeth ➡️ Bettys Battleground
6. Delia ➡️ Punk To Pacifiers
7. Elizabeth ➡️ Worth Writing For 
8. Ant ➡️ Our Cookery
9. Archie ➡️ Presentfullmama
10. Caitlin ➡️ Rogers Party of 5
11. Sirri ➡️ Super Sirrious Mom 

 

All these amazing bloggers spew out creativity in all the awesome contents they share with others. Not only do they share their lives, but they support others through it. They inspire through their own stories, capturing everyone’s hearts one sentence at a time. The positive support they consistently promote within the community of bloggers and mothers is one that creates a world united by strength and powerful women. So congratulations to each and everyone who has been recognized for this award. Keep sharing the love!

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QUESTIONS FOR MY NOMINEES: 

1. If you could tell your past self something about motherhood, what would it be?
2. What are your two “mom guilt” you often think about?
3. If you could advocate for children, what would you advocate for?
4. What’s one bad habit you have as a mom?
5. If you could be in charge of your child(ren)’s future career, what would it be?
6. What is your recent mom fail?
7. What would you have been, or be if you weren’t a mom?
8. What’s one advice you’d like to share with a soon-to-be mom or new mom?
9. Who’s your hero?
10. What would you describe yourself as, as a mom?
11. What’s your biggest fear as a mom?

 

Update on My Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety & OCD (A month after)

 

It’s been a little bit over a month, since I seen the doctor for the initial diagnosis of my postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety & OCD. I had met with him again just last Tuesday to see how the medication he’s prescribed is working for me. I had to refill that prescription for the second time, before seeing him again, since the month after visit went a bit over a month to get an appointment with him.

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Here’s my update

• I still get a lot of down days
• I still get overwhelmed easily
• My anger is still uncontrollable
• My head still feels foggy
• I still have a hard time focusing
• I have a hard time remembering things
• I still can’t sleep at night
• My eating habbits are still outta whack (lost 10 lbs)
• Days when I feel super down, It’s really hard to snap out of it
• I feel unmotivated 50% of the time

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But…

• I don’t cry as often
• I push myself harder to get out of bed, and actually get out of bed
• I’m learning to control being angry all the time
• I’m able to leave the house and run errands more than before
• I’m okay with seeing people again – just not for long periods of time
• I’ve learned to slow down on doing things and not finding it a burden to have to do it there and then
• I’m taking breaks
• I’m noticing better, when I’m burnt out
• My relationship with my son, is slowly getting better 

 

The doctor has increased the dosage of the same medication he previously prescribed and advised me that in a month, if it still appears to not be working then he’ll either raise the dosage again, or change the medication.

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Here’s thing about going through postpartum depression of any levels, it doesn’t matter what medication you take it will not get rid of it but just help you deal with it “better”. The professionals on this topic also advises to take some type of counselling. Whats happened in your past, is most likely a contributor to this sickness. All the pent-up emotions you did so well to hide, is what’s actually creeping out and attacking you. So talking to a professional counselor helps you determine part of the root of the problems that linger, that you’re not dealing with, but it doesn’t get rid of postpartum depression, or any other level of ppd. It takes time, it requires work, it requires motivation to get better, it requires for you, the individual itself to want to get better. It’s a journey. It’s a battle. It’s an experience, but you don’t have to become it. You can choose everything after it.

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♥

Thank you for following my journey with Postpartum Depression/Anxiety & OCD. Your support has been wonderful. I am here for you, just as you are for me. Remember that it’s better to go through this with someone, than alone.

If you know anyone who appears to be going through something that sounds like postpartum depression, please listen. Please do not judge. Please be kind. If you need help, ask. If you don’t know what’s wrong, see your physician.

♥

MM, out!

In The Shade of Grey

My heart feels heavy.. the way it does when you feel at a loss. These days feel confusing, uncertain of whether or not it’s my own feelings or postpartum depression seeping in. I feel sad, the way you do when you’ve lost a pet or maybe your favourite shirt. The feeling of unsettling prying at you. Again, I cannot tell you why. I don’t know why.

My mind seems to never retain anything these days. From reading, to small reminders, I cannot for the life of me, remember! My mind feels lost..like it’s not there. My thoughts all jumbled up.. weary of what I should be remembering, but don’t.

 

 

I have no motivation for anything. Not inspired on my own but with everything else. Does that make sense to you? It doesn’t to me. I don’t know what I want. I used to. I used to be so sure. I knew how to go about it. I knew how to get it. I knew how hard I’d need to work for it. But I knew what I wanted..and that I would get it. I’ve done it this way for as long as I can remember.. but now.. now, I feel nothing. No persistence, no efforts, no clue, nothing!

I keep telling myself this illness will pass. That it won’t be forever, that I’ll find my way again. But deep down, I’m afraid. I’m afraid for feeling imprisoned by this unsettling feeling of uncertainty. I’m afraid to feel so deep into this, that I don’t even know where to start to figure this illness out or fix it. No one else can do it for me. Medication merely makes it bearable, but who wants to just bear it? I want it gone.

I’m obviously not mentally strong enough, the way I thought I was.. to be able to mentally right this. The weight on my heart that makes it so hard to breathe. My constant anger repressed so that my children wouldn’t get the worst of it. I’m done letting this break my children. I’m made more efforts in fixing what I’ve already broken with my son..it’s working! I’m so glad for that. But deep down, the things I try so hard to control it’s heavy! It’s hard to! I’m slowly losing my grip.

 

It went from a really awesome Mother’s Day, to turning twenty-nine, to feeling absolutely lost!

I’m not prepared to battle this, I really am not. I don’t know the first step to. I don’t ever know how to shake it off. I feel like I’m drowning into the abyss of whatever this illness is.

I look at that photo of my children and me, and all I can think about is how much of that moment, I recall. Did I feel happy, genuinely? My smile.. it beams so effortlessly, it makes me feel like I was, happy.. in that moment. Then I look into my eyes, I see it stare right through me.

I don’t have any easy out in this post. I cannot leave you feeling settled or with a resolution.. all I have is a boundless feeling of shame and guilt. 

 

 

This is my struggle with postpartum depression.

 

 

 

 

MM, out!

May: Mental Health Awareness Month

May is an observed month for Mental Health Awareness in the United States since 1949. 

 

Though I am not a citizen of America, I share the experience of Mental Illness with the whole world. And sharing my experience is an important point I’d like to advocate for on my blog. 

• Mental Health Awareness week is May 1st – May 7th in Canada.
• The statistics in Canada for women who reported going through postpartum depression is 7.5%.

 

 

 

 

If you are not a follower of my blog, I want you to know that I suffer from Postpartum Depression & Anxiety, OCD that I recently just discovered. The statistics in Canada for women who reported going through postpartum depression is 7.5%. That’s not a huge number in terms of reports of women having it. I say this because, it is not an illness that women/men openly talk about, but this is a very common and unexpected illness that most new parents and parents in general experience in first few years.

Having shared my initial experience of finding out I have it, was a struggle on its own but the outpouring support from the community of bloggers have mostly mentioned how this is not a common topic talked enough about. There isn’t much light being brought to raise awareness of this illness. Just like anyone would be concerned about cancer, this too is an illness that cannot be controlled and should gain the concern it requires.

 

Its an illness that that hides inside of the person and finds itself free to attack the person at any unexpected moment. 

 

What makes it even worse is the fact that it’s a mental health illness. Just say mental health in your head again, and what comes to mind? A person with an unstable mind? A person who is capable of bad things because they’re not all there, up there? A person who cannot perform their usual duties as a citizen or an individual because their brain cannot function like a ‘normal person’? That’s the stigma talking. That’s also the stigma stuck in my head when I first thought about what it would be like to share this with others.

FEAR!

Individuals who experience some sort of Mental Illness, struggle internally to share in words that would allow the receiver to understand.  The truth is, most individuals who experience mental illness cannot always find the words to say without sounding like they are ‘crazy’. Your mind plays tricks on you. You’re not really sure why you’re thinking, what you’re thinking–why you’re irrational, emotional and absolutely out of character.  Well it’s a chemical imbalance. Your emotions are all out of whack, even though the issue is with your brain that’s mostly, usually realistic, rational, and stern; with mental illness, none of that is how it’s supposed to be.

 

Mental illness is not something anyone just fixes for the person suffering. It is not an illness that the individual can just brush off and everything returns to ‘normal’.
It is an illness that cannot be helped (I repeat this because for those who don’t know this is a common misconception). 

There are a lot of people who choose to be ignorant about mental illness. Those people who have never experienced it with someone they love or for themselves.  People who don’t care enough about the importance of why this illness matters enough to be talked about. Sure back then (40’s, 50’s, maybe early 60’s) this isn’t a thing to be sharing with the world. It means you got sent to an institution because they didn’t have a solution for this. And what they did have for it was more pain. 

“Well, here’s the thing..you have to really think outside of your ass in order to really understand this. You’re not going to find it in there. This is just as important to understand as anything else that threatens the value of life.”

 

Mental illness doesn’t just affect the person who has it but also those dearest to their heart. It affects families. The challenges of this illness takes a tole on each individual members of a family. The tole of this illness is the very thing that makes the feeling of guilt ever so present in motherhood.

HAVING CHILDREN IS NOT THE MAIN CAUSE OF THIS ILLNESS! 

There are several factors to why an individual finds themselves with this illness. The majority of women I have been able to connect with who suffer from this illness has openly shared the traces of their sickness reaching back to before they even had children. Having children is one of the factors that contributes at a later time in life, but it is an illness that roots from past experiences. Yes it can be from the sudden change of life experiences, in motherhood but for the most part this illness is traced from what’s already happened that the individual has fought to shove in a box, in the back of their minds. It can be hereditary. Something you didn’t know runs in your family bloodline. For someone who’s not aware of her roots, this is something I cannot trace back to roots. One thing I am certain of though is that, I’ve a lot of pent up anger that roots from my childhood that I kept in an box inside, far back that has now found its way creeping in on top of all the other stressor accompanying motherhood. 

If you know anyone who appears to be having a hard time emotionally, please offer to listen. Don’t judge or start diagnosing someone of what YOU THINK the problem is, but rather provide resources of different types of help they can seek professionally that may more helpful. 
There are a ton of people, communities who advocate for the awareness of this illness and mental illness in general. Please educate yourself if you’re uncertain of what mental illness is and how it affects a person. Don’t be ignorant. Don’t be judgemental because I can guarantee you, this is not my choice! No one wants to suffer emotionally and psychologically.

 

 

MM

Making Goals as SAHM : May

I made a post last month about making goals as a stay-at-home-mom for April. How this was an important component to keeping sane, and having goals that are achievable and to promotion of self-care in motherhood. 

I have an update on my April goals, and what I would like to do in May. It seems like April came and dipped. I swear the days are going so much faster now that I’m an adult and have children, compare to when I was a child and had no care in the world about #goals.

My Birthday  – May 2016

MAY 2017

• Work out 4x/week —> Work out 2x/week
  I realize how much harder it is to find the motivation to work-out when you’re dealing with Postpartum Depression.
• Write in my journal daily with affirmations, negatives to positives, memories, moments —> push yourself to write, even when it’s not much or specific.
• Continue to say one good thing about each family member
  ..to remind them why you love them, why they are awesome, why they are important..
• Give myself an hour each day – to write in peace —> Give myself 30 mins each day
  I don’t always want to write. I don’t always feel like doing anything. But at least, this 30 minutes is open to anything.
• Eat healthier meals and try not to skip meals
  This has been very hard. Since there are days when I can’t find it in me to cook. A symptom of Postpartum Depression is, Lost Appetite.
• SMOKE LESS
• Take a break daily
• Complete any wedding stuff on weekends
  I have done nothing else about my upcoming wedding. Next on the list is to retrieve our marriage license. 
• Start going on walks – a.m.  (with kids) and p.m. (by yourself)
• Spend time with each child – separately (again)
• Encourage yourself to be more active by engaging in outdoor activities with the kids
• CELEBRATE YOU each day this month
  This month is my birthday month, I hope to do something I love each day –even if it’s something small.

I will complete as many of these goals throughout the month of May, and whatever I don’t complete I will continue to add to the next month’s goal.

Thank you for following my journey on achieving goals. I hope you take from this, and encourage yourself to continue to work on yourself and love yourself!

Please share with me any goals you’ve achieved that are easy and to the point. Maybe I can try it as well!

MM, out!

Blogger Recognition Award

“In the moments when all I can round up is the women I have been blessed to find online, she would find herself to be one of those people who just reaches out to you and comforts you with wisdom.”

Ten days ago, I was completely floored when I read my messages. There I found an uplifting message from a fellow and friend blogger, Robin of The Mama Playbook an honest and funny blogger on motherhood and family. Robin is one of the few mom bloggers that I have been able to create a friendship with, even from a digital perspective. She has always extended her hand for more than being colleagues in the field of blogging, but also as moms and individuals. She has always provided me with sweet, and encouraging messages. In the moments when all I can round up is the women I have been blessed to find online, she would find herself to be one of those people who just reaches out to you with wisdom.

How My Blog Started

I had officially started blogging years ago. Never having it public. I’ve had a few accounts, from forgetting passwords or just creating a totally new blog from the different seasons in my life. About a year ago, the day after my birthday, I began writing. Writing about the things that weighed heavy in my heart. The limitless amount of thoughts that lingered in my head. All jumbled up, unable to shine and get the proper recognition of what it may be trying to get across. The more that I wrote, the more that I realize a lot of the things I’m writing about may be something someone else can relate to. The more that I wrote, the more that it dawned to me how much other moms out there were looking for a helping hand in sharing experiences.

Moms have it tough (not to say anyone else don’t). Moms in general are selfless, worry worms, with a memory bank of forever. They have so much to say, but can’t because well they mostly have just their children to talk to. If you needed to know, it would require a baby translator to even, in the slightest bit have a intelligent conversation with. Babies have a lot of good things to say, it’s just that nobody can friggin’ understand them. I should know, my one year old literally yells at me from frustration, trying to tell me how her ducky attacked her while sitting on the ducks face.  

Aside from the fact that I wanted to be able to share my thoughts and have other women find comfort in it–that they aren’t alone. I wanted to jot down all the things I couldn’t remember after a day. I realize now, that it was because I suffered from Postpartum Depression. Writing allows me to keep some kind of tabs on my experience. It allows me to reflect on my journey in motherhood and to be able to have a place with all my thoughts, available in the future (I save them). Hand written some.

“When experiencing Postpartum Depression, a lot of the times your mind tends to be foggy. You have a difficult time remembering. You struggle to keep track of the simplest tasks you had just thought of doing ten minutes ago, but now all of a sudden you can’t remember for the life of you what it was.”

Two Piece of Advice I Would Give to New Bloggers

1. Write For You, first. Know WHY you’re writing first of all. Know what your purpose is behind blogging. Is it to make money? Is it to get across your views out there to share with other same minded people? Is it to remember these moments for yourself because we all get older, and we can’t recall everything. When you write, write for yourself. Write something you’d be happy with, to read over and over again, and not something you feel would bring traffic to your blog. You want to be able to capture your readers. Have them take something from it.
2. DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF OR YOUR BLOG WITH Veteran Bloggers. There are tons of bloggers that have been doing this years before you. They have learned all the tools they need to share their blogs accordingly. What they have on their site, the numbers of followers, readers, shares, or any of that they built themselves with time. You are a new blogger, who will eventually get there. Do not compare your start with someone who’s already been on a journey. It will not help your blog serve its purpose.

The 15 Bloggers – Nomination for Bloggers Recognition Award

1. Our Cookery by Ant
2. Short Sweet Mom by Tiffany
3. The Gifted Gabber by Amy
4. The Messy Bun Mama by Morgan
5. Blooming Brilliant by Christine
6. Adventures At Home – Dedreanna
7. This Cool Mom Blog by Jaime
8. Everyones Sleeping But Mom by Kristyn
9. Little Bit of Learning by Laura
10. Pretty Loved by Kristin
11. Bettys Battleground by Elizabeth
12. U Ready Teddy by Devon
13. No You Need to Calm Down by Tina
14. Glossy Babe by Jennifer
15. Home Bound But Hopeful by Kate

These women, not only have provided a safe place online to provide other women with resources and beautiful art that they willingly share, but their journey that help so many one way or another. Each one of these women, have made an impact in my experience as a blogger and most specially as a person. Thank you, ladies!

Thank you again, Robin!♥

The Bloggers Recognition Award – Rules for Participating

• Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog
• Write a post to show your award
• Give a brief story of how your blog started
• Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers
• Select 15 other bloggers you want to give this award to
• Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them and provide the link to the post you created.

Thanks for reading! I hope you check out these wonderful bloggers and share in their journey with plenty of helpful resources for you to read!

MM, out!

My Interview with @BettysBattleGround

I had met Elizabeth Bricco (@bettysbattleground) through my blogging community on twitter.  Her website name intrigued me and I remember visiting her page and skimming through her posts. She is an advocate for mental illness. How she delivers content to educate and share other people’s experience with mental illness. She is a consistent and helpful soul with delivering raw content. Even in the midst of the chaos that linger in her own mind, she has the heart to share with her readers and the world about the importance of knowledge with mental illness. 

‘The hurt she shares, I found comfort in.’

She had tweeted that she is looking for anyone who wanted to share their experiences with mental illness, through an interview that she would share with her readers and followers.

I thought about the extent of me sharing my experience. A few weeks back when I shared that I am struggling with Postpartum Depression with family and friends, it was the scariest thing for me to do and my husband had to do the talking for me. But eventually, sharing it made me a little braver. It made me comfortable enough to share with my viewers through my post “28, Three Kids and Postpartum Depression”.

 

 

‘The Support that came Pouring in’

 

After posting about how I came to find out that I suffer from Postpartum Depression mixed with Anxiety and OCD, the amount of support I received from my blogging community and my readers was amazing. I realized how important it was that I shared it. Aside from the fear of sharing it, a huge part of me wanted the world to know how hard it was to battle with mental illness, alone. Because that’s what it is. No matter the amount of people who are by your side, this is a battle you face on your own, with your own mind. Your experience is extended to those you love the most, and it’s heart breaking.

 

 

What I have gathered from all the comments, I was left with is that..

..this is still an illness that not a lot of people care to educate themselves on, unless they themselves are dealing with it or someone they love. Most people are ignorant about it and thats what causes the stigma. People don’t care to know what it means to struggle with mental illness, and they view you as mentally weak and crazy. 

 

Please check out my interview with Elizabeth Bricco @ http://www.bettysbattleground.com/2017/04/17/parenting-mental-illness-maria/

So I shared 

Sharing my experience is important. Individuals who struggle with mental illness need support, encouragement, friendships, and understanding. They need to be able to access help and feel free to do so, without the fear of being judged. I have yet to access all avenues of help, except medication because well, I don’t have a lot of options financially. But Elizabeth surprised me with a YouCaring fundraiser to help with the cost (totally amazing of her). I thought she would just share my story, and this would be enough to help others. But what she does is she gives more, and that in its own tells you that no matter who you are, even with mental illness, it doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person who was mean mentally or emotionally. It is an illness that takes over you, yes. But it is an illness we did not choose or want. It is an illness that brings itself out from the depths of your soul, from the darkness you thought you’ve managed to store away.

 

Thank you

Sweet Elizabeth Bricco, thank you for allowing me to share my story. Thank you for your support, and help through this part of my life. I am grateful for opening a conversation with you and for your voice for advocating for such an important message. Thank you for allowing me to utilize your social platform to share and educate with others who may be going through postpartum depression or other mental illness. Thank you for providing comfort and being another helping force to help those struggling with mental illness! You have a kind heart. We’re together in this. 

 

Please visit http://www.bettysbattleground.com/2017/04/17/parenting-mental-illness-maria/ to read my interview with her and for the YouCaring fundraiser she’s set up for me on her page, to help. 

 

MM, out!