The 5 Things I Want My Sensitive Son To Know

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My first born is a boy. Ever since he was a toddler, he has always been the sensitive type. This was a bit of a challenge for J and I because, we are both outspoken people. As Apollo got older, the more we realized how much he internalizes situations more than the next person. He understood more in situations, felt everything, and was easy to cry about arguments or misunderstandings.

 

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J and I kept trying to build up Apollo. Strengthen his heart, make him braver, and less emotional. Why? Why did we do that? Why would we want to change our sweet boy?


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There was a phase in his life at an old school where he was being bullied. Instead of teaching him to be kind nonetheless, we advised him to fight back. To never allow anyone to touch him the wrong way, and hurt him. But he couldn’t see things our way. He would cry when we teach him how to be physical. Yes, you’re all judging us right now, but who are you to judge? You parent your way, we parent our way. I’m not asking for your way, I’m openly sharing my experience with my son, because J and I have also learnt from this. Things are different now.

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J and I were angry, at the fact that our child so kind and sweet, was physically being hurt because he couldn’t find it in his heart to justify physically hurting someone else for the wrong they’ve committed. Our son, so pure in heart. But we were hurting, and our way was to retaliate. This bully even had his father say mean things behind our son’s back and even about J. The child shared these rude comments with my son, and I felt so heartbroken and angry for my son. But in all of this, my son taught us that being kind has no limits, or has no condition. You are either kind, or not.

Apollo is brave, intelligent, kind, sweet, loving, generous, and thoughtful. 

 

 

The 5 Things I Want My Sensitive Son To Know

  1. Be Who You Are, No Matter WhatIn a world that is constantly changing, and not for the better. We need more kind-hearted individuals like you. Who you are, and how you treat others, is what makes this world a little better. We don’t need you to change for us, or for others. Stay as you are, and protect the good in you.
  2. Choose Kindness, AlwaysBeing kind, is the most wonderful thing in this world. When you share kindness with others, it sends a ripple affect and one of those people you shared your kind heart with, will eventually share it with someone else. Always be kind, in all you do and say.
  3. Never Let Anyone Hurt You As much as we value your kindness, we would never, ever want anyone to hurt you physically or emotionally. If you feel that this is something you cannot deal with on your own, Daddy and I will always be here to help you through it. Don’t ever let anyone hurt you, in any way. We will be your crutch, we will be your shield. While we cannot always physically be there, talk to us, ask us.
  4. Love With All of YouLove won’t always be pretty, nor easy. But in real Love is always something good. Love with all of you. Love hard. Love like you want, because there is nothing better in this world, than to love.
  5. Respect & Honesty Go Hand-in-HandRespect yourself and respect others. Always remember that what you put out into the world, comes back to you. Just as being kind is important, so is being respectful. No matter the circumstances, the words and actions we let go of, have consequences. Always be honest with yourself, be truthful with others. It wont always be easy to tell someone the truth, they wont always want to hear it, they wont always understand. But if there’s anything good you can do for someone is to tell the truth. In time, they will understand.

 

Life is not easy my son. Life is full of surprises and challenges. What we do with these challenges is what helps us grow. I promise that while it isn’t easy, daddy and I are always here. No matter the distance, the time, the circumstance, we will always be here for you. 

 

 

 

 

 

MM, out!

When blood is not thicker than water.

Have you ever heard of that saying within the family, “Blood is thicker than water”?
How often in families does that line fail? This line means nothing to me. My adoptive family, literally sticks to this saying. Being adopted, this doesn’t apply to me. But the funny thing is, it’s a two-way street with this line. So I’m going to say, this line is absolutely nonsense.

I realized, as I got older how much the word FAMILY, applies to anyone willing to treat you, and take you into their lives. Family doesn’t mean, just the same blood that runs through your veins. Family is whoever is willing to include you in their lives. Who’s willing to understand where you are in your life. What you have in common, so that getting through life is a little bit easier, together. Family are the friends you make. Family are the people who you meet, and become close to. Family isn’t just blood.

I often think about how sad I am, with those I’ve lost through the years. Whether it be we drifted, or we no longer had our lives aligned. But the thing with that is, you learn from those experiences. You learn that as much as they were a part of your family at one point, time, experience, and life itself finds a way to diminish what used to be. When one becomes too comfortable in their relationships, there’s no longer that light that kindles your relationships. and soars to greatness. It becomes stale. It becomes predictable. It all becomes boring, and eventually it falls apart. I’m not saying being comfortable is a bad thing. But, I am saying when one relies on having their relationships flourish through comfortability, it becomes repetitive.

I’m thankful for the relationships I’ve managed to have through the years. I don’t expect to keep my family small. I know that as time passes, as I get older, more people will come into my life. They will dance, they will drink, they will play a part in my life. I also know that, through time, I will have moments when letting go is important. When those people have given and taken from me, they will move-on and provide that definition of “Family” to someone else. It’s all a cycle, you see.

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Define Family

Anyway, I need a snack..

“Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who LOVE YOU no matter what.”

In the end of last year, I realize I needed to reassess the people I had in my life. Throughout the years, I’ve managed to distant myself from people who, I felt, were toxic in my life. So far, that has done me good. It has made my life redirect in a more, positive direction, and has taught me to take charge of myself for the things I really needed in my life. 
This has taught me to really take the time to figure out what I wanted for myself; what I wanted for my life; what I wanted for my kids; what I wanted out of being a parent; what I wanted out of being a wife. This has brought some peace, and some negative outcomes, but all-in-all, a good thing. 

This is my advice to you:

“In this life, we are bound to cross paths with others. Others who become family, good friends, and people who are meant to just be there for the moment that they are required to make, break, or change something in your life. What you do with that moment is up to you. But there comes a point, in all relationships that we have with others, where we have to move on. This is just the way life goes. We have to move on, because we have to grow. We have to move on, because we need them to grow. You have to focus on who you are, what your purpose is in this lifetime, what you are meant to be for yourself and then, others. It is not to be selfish, but to give your life meaning, and lessons. So give your time to those who need it, take it away from those who’s done with it, and keep building ON YOU, and YOUR DREAMS!”

My chance.

Life has a way with experiences. Most of them, one you must learn from. Which means, it sucks, half the time. I can’t lie that the struggle to figure out life’s purpose for me, is really frustrating, and difficult at times. But what’s great about having to go through all that, is being so lucky to have someone.

Someone once said to me, “you get ONE CHANCE to have someone who’s good, who will love you with honesty, who will fill your life with happiness. Hold on to that, don’t let it go.”

I never used to believe in chances. I thought chances were for losers who couldn’t get their shit right, and had to be given a new one everytime to correct themselves, was such a cheat.

But…

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I got my chance to have someone be there for me, be there for the struggles in life. For the times when I’m outta my wits, and I need someone to pick-me-up out my rut, he’s that person. He’s my person. He’s my best friend. He’s my spirit animal, he’s my better half!

I am so thankful to be able to say that this person has so much patience for me, so much understanding, so much heart, such generosity, and such perfect silence, in the right moments, he blows me away.

His love is so raw, so honest, so big, and filled with so much it even gives more to our children, in every pocket.

He’s the epitome of a man’s, man. The epitome of a true leader. The epitome of a great father, and the epitome of the perfect husband.

I am forever thankful to have someone like him. Thankful to go through life with someone like him. Thankful for such an awesome partner to go on the adventures of parenthood. He definitely fills my heart, and my life with so much love, happiness, and joy.

aK

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I don’t know why you, and I butt heads so often. Why I feel like the connection wire of our relationship seem to have some chewed-up marks. 

I feel so guilty for not having all the time in the world for you. Your requests are so simple, too. 

I don’t mean to use your sister as an excuse, but this whole ‘mommy’ thing with ‘two kids’.. I’m still trying to figure it all out. With the third one coming, I’ll probably get worse, before I get better. 

I need you to trust me, I need you to give me a chance, to give me the benefit of the doubt, that I’ll figure this thing out, with us.

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I’ve probably made all the mistakes with you, and now it seems like I’ve been unfair to you. But I promise you, my love for you then, now, tomorrow has been the same since you gave me the title, “MOM”. 

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You are so much like me, more than you want to be, more than you’ll ever be like you’re daddy. I’m sorry you’re more like me than your dad. Maybe we wouldn’t butt-heads so much. I appreciate you for all that you are. In times when it’s not chaos and arguments, you are everything amazing. 

You’re kind. You’re sweet. You’re thoughtful. You’re generous. You see things in ways, most people are too blind to notice. Your voice, speaks not just with volume but with character. Your heart is pure, and humble. You are everything, any parent would hope their child to be. I hope you never loose that, because of my shortcomings. 

You have the humour, the wit, the smile, the heart. 

Thank you for being so good to me, when I don’t deserve it. Thank you for ‘understanding’ me, even when you don’t, really. 

I hope, I don’t screw you up too much. 

xoxo, Mom.

Don’t cry for me

It seems that throughout the years, with all the half-wits of life, I’ve managed to stop feeling. Like I mean, just feeling emotions in general. It wasn’t until I buried myself on Netflix watching all ten seasons of ‘Greys Anatomy’ that tears, real heartfelt tears, would stream down my face like it does whenever I recall that part in ‘My Bestfriends Wedding’. You know the one where she confesses her feelings, and it didn’t go the way she wanted it to, and they go on this three-way chase, and she ends up being called worst than the fungi that grows on scum?!

I can’t exactly pin-point when, or where this cold feeling began. But ‘crying has never been my thing’. It shows too much vulnerability. When you show even the slightest bit of vulnerability, you end up looking weak. When you’re weak, you’re irrational, when you’re irrational, you look like a fool. When you look like a fool, the meaning in your life at that particular moment disappears, and well. .there goes a chip at who you are. Gone. Just gone. You don’t get it back.

While the whole world cries to Adele’s latest hit, and Gwen Stefani’s used to love you crap, I’m over here like…what feels?

These days, I can’t categorize anything. I’m usually good at that stuff. Then again, I’ve had a lot; been chipped off me. Then it gets tough to relate to anything. You kinda lose yourself. When you lose yourself, it gets hard to rebuild, coz you don’t know where to start.

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