7 Tips on Surviving Part-time Motherhood

J, is a project engineer for an automation company who supplies for the automotive industry. He works long hours, and spends very little time at home, aside from the weekend that flies by so quick. J also has to travel for work to oversee installations of their projects, provide tech support, and so forth. The trips away from home varies in length. One trip can be six days, the next, a few weeks with weekends at home or a month coming home just one weekend. 

What I know of this life is glamourized by the veterans who have gone, or is going through the same situation. They put out a picture of the perfect husband who provides from never being home and a housewife dressed to the tee, baking, getting homework done, clean home and well-behaved children. 

Let me tell you though.. that shit is a lie! 

I’m confused, obviously. Conflicted between being a supportive partner who wants her guy to be happy and to achieve goals for himself, and needy partner who can’t handle motherhood alone.

It’s pretty overwhelming to have to manage everything at the home front 24/7 and have absolutely not a minute to breathe. No there isn’t family or friends to depend on. We moved 3.5 hrs away from all of that to chase the dream. It’s so hard to find the balance between being supportive and bitter because really, only one of you are working towards your goals. It’s a bit hard to do it at the same time, when you’ve got three children, two of them under two. 

I spent the last three days drained. The crying, the whining, the fighting, the never ending demands of little midgets who rule every bit of you. I mean, who’s the adult here? I’m pretty sure that’s just a title..and whatever power you think you have over three children is laughed off by their evil little minds that are so clever and manipulative. You win some, you lose some. 

But in all the chaos of part-time single parenting, here is what I learned..

1. Forget Routine and Expectations, seriously 

No, you cannot have plans and not break them. No you cannot think you’ll clean after dinner, and get it done. No you cannot expect a toddler to not get up on her high chair 20 million times, while she’s eating. No you cannot expect your 1 yr old to sit in her high chair for every meal time and have that go smoothly. No you cannot go out to grab a few things are the market, without someone having a temper tantrum or spilling something, or Pooping, or puking. There is no point to scheduling. 

2. Take-out, for food 

I swear the last time J was gone, we ate nothing but take-out.. our garbage and recycling literally filled with Chinese food boxes from chicken wings, Tupperware of noodles, and pizza boxes. That’s all we ate at every meal. You cannot cook a nice meal with two children, under two. Are you crazy? How do you even? I cooked maybe once – it was taco. 

3. Take-up drinking

For someone who stopped drinking after having her first child, I’ve become a light-weight. But I feel like if I take it up again, my tolerance will get better right away because the amount of drinking I should be doing for the amount of craziness it is to get through one day equals to about $24 — three bottles of “girls night out” pink juice with a hint of alcohol for the weak tolerance, people. 

So $24×5=$120/week, 15 bottles/week..yes I’m finally an alcoholic! Perks of motherhood 😆

4. SCREW CLEANING

Your house will never actually be clean, because who has time to do that while you’re dying from every other chore of being a lone parent? So screw it. I should start using the dishwasher. We’ve lived here a year and like every other Asian mom out there, my dishwasher is merely for drying dishes and storing large pots. Shame! 

5. Small trips

Party city, Wal-Mart and The Superstore has become our go-to place during the weeknights. I swear, these places either save me from wanting to strangle myself from the stress, or it’s heaven on days where I can find something for distraction. 

6. Video chat 

Thank God for technology. Having to ability to video chat, allows for the mixed emotions to still be shared on the table. Crying, screaming and face time, like he never left. 

7. Zero fuc*s

You are absolutely out of your mind if you thought you’d still live your normal, while the other adult is gone. Nope! Everything is chaotic. You don’t get to be a responsible adult, and get shit done. Nope! You get to be a sloppy, teenager, babysitting little siblings, who eats noodles, for two meal times and miss breakfast because you’d rather sleep some more. All rules, all schedules, everything is literally out of whack. So just live it! 
Honestly at the end of the day, you kept your kids, alive and together. They’re probably traumatized from all the demonic screaming you did all day, but the peaceful quietness that come after they close their eyes, is the perfect feeling of worth it for the sacrifices you make as individuals in an adult relationship. 

MM, out! 

Update on My Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety & OCD (A month after)

 

It’s been a little bit over a month, since I seen the doctor for the initial diagnosis of my postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety & OCD. I had met with him again just last Tuesday to see how the medication he’s prescribed is working for me. I had to refill that prescription for the second time, before seeing him again, since the month after visit went a bit over a month to get an appointment with him.

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Here’s my update

• I still get a lot of down days
• I still get overwhelmed easily
• My anger is still uncontrollable
• My head still feels foggy
• I still have a hard time focusing
• I have a hard time remembering things
• I still can’t sleep at night
• My eating habbits are still outta whack (lost 10 lbs)
• Days when I feel super down, It’s really hard to snap out of it
• I feel unmotivated 50% of the time

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But…

• I don’t cry as often
• I push myself harder to get out of bed, and actually get out of bed
• I’m learning to control being angry all the time
• I’m able to leave the house and run errands more than before
• I’m okay with seeing people again – just not for long periods of time
• I’ve learned to slow down on doing things and not finding it a burden to have to do it there and then
• I’m taking breaks
• I’m noticing better, when I’m burnt out
• My relationship with my son, is slowly getting better 

 

The doctor has increased the dosage of the same medication he previously prescribed and advised me that in a month, if it still appears to not be working then he’ll either raise the dosage again, or change the medication.

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Here’s thing about going through postpartum depression of any levels, it doesn’t matter what medication you take it will not get rid of it but just help you deal with it “better”. The professionals on this topic also advises to take some type of counselling. Whats happened in your past, is most likely a contributor to this sickness. All the pent-up emotions you did so well to hide, is what’s actually creeping out and attacking you. So talking to a professional counselor helps you determine part of the root of the problems that linger, that you’re not dealing with, but it doesn’t get rid of postpartum depression, or any other level of ppd. It takes time, it requires work, it requires motivation to get better, it requires for you, the individual itself to want to get better. It’s a journey. It’s a battle. It’s an experience, but you don’t have to become it. You can choose everything after it.

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♥

Thank you for following my journey with Postpartum Depression/Anxiety & OCD. Your support has been wonderful. I am here for you, just as you are for me. Remember that it’s better to go through this with someone, than alone.

If you know anyone who appears to be going through something that sounds like postpartum depression, please listen. Please do not judge. Please be kind. If you need help, ask. If you don’t know what’s wrong, see your physician.

♥

MM, out!

Mothering without a Mom

I had spent the last few days contemplating on writing about this. A topic I rarely find easy to share about. I didn’t want to time it where it was close to Mother’s Day and ruin it for anyone else.

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“I know this may not be the same story for everyone but it is something I struggle with every Mother’s Day.”

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As a child, I spent a lot of time with extended families who babysat me for my Dad. Aunts, friends, and neighbours. I spent much of my childhood having to move around and never really being in one place. I was raised by my aunt (my dad’s sister-in-law), from the age of three to nine. She did end up leaving to come to Canada when I was seven. Her oldest son who was left behind, his wife and their baby would end up taking over. It would be another two years before I would leave to Canada. I was nine years old.

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What I have learned from studying in the field of education with children is that, the first six years of a child’s life is the most critical for parents to invest the time in. It’s so important for their development, and what that time contributes to who they’re becoming.

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I remember as a child thinking my aunt was my mom. I fought for her attention, fought with my cousins that I was no different from them. I did things to gain her love. I wanted to be hers, and I wanted to be claimed, someones. When she left, I was devastated. Like a piece of my soul chipped at, for losing someone closest to a mom. I was so excited to see her again when I came to Canada, but her view of me would change. There would be a wall between us, that separated me from her. She had her own family, I wasn’t hers. I couldn’t have her. A few years down the line, that broken line would have her betray me. I trusted her, I thought she cared about me, and she would out me like a bad story. The part of me who loved her is now gone. It still makes me sad.

Don’t go chasing something that was never meant to be yours.

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I would later on try to build bonds with my dad’s women friends, the moms of my friends, and every other moms I would later on meet. The heartbreak it came with, was so overwhelming. To constantly fail at being someones. I tried so hard to be wanted. I just wanted what everyone had. I wanted that nurturing love, that love that’s there when your world is crumbling down, when your heart is hurting so bad, that love that comes so unconditionally because, YOU ARE HERS.

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All my failures at finding HER in others, eventually made me feel numb. I stopped looking. I stopped wanting that. I stopped caring. It would eventually sit in the back burner where a ton of my experiences have been sitting and burning away.

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JUST LET GO…

Here I am, a mother of three. The most wonderful accomplishment in my life. The chance I never got to have for me, but now I’m giving to my three beautiful children. Every mother’s day, my heart hurts. It hurts for what I can’t fully celebrate. A day I don’t really care for. But also a day that brings me so much pride. I am a Mother!

Apollo

Artemis

Cassiopeia

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Ryan Jon’s Mother’s Day Message

Wherever you are…

“Time has passed. I’ve mourn your loss. I wonder at times, if you’re okay. If you’re still alive. If you ever thought of me. The most painful thing for me is being angry with you. It affects me at any given moment. I wonder how it would have been if you were here. Do I have siblings? I would love that. Did you ever come looking for me? Did I mean much to you, even after you left? If you could have the chance to see me now, would you? Why did you give me away? Why didn’t you fight for me? Why wasn’t I enough? Does your heart hurt the way mine does, because we share one. If you could see me now, would you be proud? You’re a grandmother to three beautiful babies. I am everything, you never was. Sure you struggled. Sure you were alone. Why did he leave you? Does he even know about me? I don’t know anything about this part of me. I wish you had left me with something. I wish you had fought harder. I wish that the time I lost, is a struggle you battle each and every day. I am broken, I am hurt. I needed you. I wanted you. I just needed you to look back. This is something I will forever carry in my heart. As time lapse, I hope for one thing only, to let go of you and stop the heartbreak.
— Happy Mother’s Day, from the daughter you never had.–“

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HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL OF YOU!

To all the moms out there who grind each and every day for their little loved ones, to the ones who have lost theirs, to the ones who are trying to have just one, to the ones who had no choice but to give theirs up, to ones doing it all alone, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. You are most loved, no matter what!

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Apollo, Artemis & Cassiopeia

“I’m not always the mom you want me to be. But I will always be the mom, you need. I won’t always do things right, I won’t always give you everything you want. But I will always be here by your side, to hold your hand through anything and everything. I will always love you from the depths of my soul. For all the moments you feel defeated, know I am always cheering you on. I will always help you get up again. I will do things you won’t always understand, but know that in everything I do..I do it because I love you. I hope nothing but for you guys to grow up to be kind people. To love one another through everything and be there for each other, always. I pray for you that your life be full and blessed. I pray that your heart achieves all the things you want in this world. Even when time has gone, remember always that Mom loves you forever.”

♥

MM, out!

May: Mental Health Awareness Month

May is an observed month for Mental Health Awareness in the United States since 1949. 

 

Though I am not a citizen of America, I share the experience of Mental Illness with the whole world. And sharing my experience is an important point I’d like to advocate for on my blog. 

• Mental Health Awareness week is May 1st – May 7th in Canada.
• The statistics in Canada for women who reported going through postpartum depression is 7.5%.

 

 

 

 

If you are not a follower of my blog, I want you to know that I suffer from Postpartum Depression & Anxiety, OCD that I recently just discovered. The statistics in Canada for women who reported going through postpartum depression is 7.5%. That’s not a huge number in terms of reports of women having it. I say this because, it is not an illness that women/men openly talk about, but this is a very common and unexpected illness that most new parents and parents in general experience in first few years.

Having shared my initial experience of finding out I have it, was a struggle on its own but the outpouring support from the community of bloggers have mostly mentioned how this is not a common topic talked enough about. There isn’t much light being brought to raise awareness of this illness. Just like anyone would be concerned about cancer, this too is an illness that cannot be controlled and should gain the concern it requires.

 

Its an illness that that hides inside of the person and finds itself free to attack the person at any unexpected moment. 

 

What makes it even worse is the fact that it’s a mental health illness. Just say mental health in your head again, and what comes to mind? A person with an unstable mind? A person who is capable of bad things because they’re not all there, up there? A person who cannot perform their usual duties as a citizen or an individual because their brain cannot function like a ‘normal person’? That’s the stigma talking. That’s also the stigma stuck in my head when I first thought about what it would be like to share this with others.

FEAR!

Individuals who experience some sort of Mental Illness, struggle internally to share in words that would allow the receiver to understand.  The truth is, most individuals who experience mental illness cannot always find the words to say without sounding like they are ‘crazy’. Your mind plays tricks on you. You’re not really sure why you’re thinking, what you’re thinking–why you’re irrational, emotional and absolutely out of character.  Well it’s a chemical imbalance. Your emotions are all out of whack, even though the issue is with your brain that’s mostly, usually realistic, rational, and stern; with mental illness, none of that is how it’s supposed to be.

 

Mental illness is not something anyone just fixes for the person suffering. It is not an illness that the individual can just brush off and everything returns to ‘normal’.
It is an illness that cannot be helped (I repeat this because for those who don’t know this is a common misconception). 

There are a lot of people who choose to be ignorant about mental illness. Those people who have never experienced it with someone they love or for themselves.  People who don’t care enough about the importance of why this illness matters enough to be talked about. Sure back then (40’s, 50’s, maybe early 60’s) this isn’t a thing to be sharing with the world. It means you got sent to an institution because they didn’t have a solution for this. And what they did have for it was more pain. 

“Well, here’s the thing..you have to really think outside of your ass in order to really understand this. You’re not going to find it in there. This is just as important to understand as anything else that threatens the value of life.”

 

Mental illness doesn’t just affect the person who has it but also those dearest to their heart. It affects families. The challenges of this illness takes a tole on each individual members of a family. The tole of this illness is the very thing that makes the feeling of guilt ever so present in motherhood.

HAVING CHILDREN IS NOT THE MAIN CAUSE OF THIS ILLNESS! 

There are several factors to why an individual finds themselves with this illness. The majority of women I have been able to connect with who suffer from this illness has openly shared the traces of their sickness reaching back to before they even had children. Having children is one of the factors that contributes at a later time in life, but it is an illness that roots from past experiences. Yes it can be from the sudden change of life experiences, in motherhood but for the most part this illness is traced from what’s already happened that the individual has fought to shove in a box, in the back of their minds. It can be hereditary. Something you didn’t know runs in your family bloodline. For someone who’s not aware of her roots, this is something I cannot trace back to roots. One thing I am certain of though is that, I’ve a lot of pent up anger that roots from my childhood that I kept in an box inside, far back that has now found its way creeping in on top of all the other stressor accompanying motherhood. 

If you know anyone who appears to be having a hard time emotionally, please offer to listen. Don’t judge or start diagnosing someone of what YOU THINK the problem is, but rather provide resources of different types of help they can seek professionally that may more helpful. 
There are a ton of people, communities who advocate for the awareness of this illness and mental illness in general. Please educate yourself if you’re uncertain of what mental illness is and how it affects a person. Don’t be ignorant. Don’t be judgemental because I can guarantee you, this is not my choice! No one wants to suffer emotionally and psychologically.

 

 

MM

Making Goals as SAHM

I had recently read a blog by a fellow blogger (Shann Eva’s Blog) on her March Goals. She’s incorporated the goals she has yet to achieve with new ones she’s made, and the included short-term and long-term goals.

 

I find as a Stay-at-home-mom it’s so crucial to make goals for oneself. It’s so important to have something to work towards, because lord knows if you didn’t you’d just do this motherhood thing front, back, side, and front again. AND LETS BE HONEST, you can’t possibly just MAAAAAAAM all day, everyday, for as long as you’re living. I mean, it can’t all just be that! It doesn’t make you bad at motherhood or a bad mom at that, for wanting more! It doesn’t mean you can’t have other accomplishments,  other than birthing children (although that pretty much tops it all).

As moms, we accomplish tens and thousands of tasks all day. Well most of those tasks are not of ours. Not of anything we really want to do or want to be doing. It’s insane how much of us we pour into the lives that rely on us. I get it, we’re moms, I get it we’re supposed to because how else do we profess our eternal love for our children who is supposed to be our world and nothing else. Well, it makes me a rebellious mom, perhaps. I do what I want, on my own terms, based on my own ideas and understanding of motherhood.

 

 

I’m making monthly goals. That’s all!

Because March is almost done, and I’d rather start them at the beginning of the month, I’ll write this for April 2017.

 

April 2017

• work-out 4 times a week, for 40 mins a day.
• write in my journal daily with affirmations, negatives to positives, memories, moments, and fill a page at least (thorughout the day)
• say at least one good thing that I love about each member of my family-to them, everyday
• give myself an hour each day, to write in my journal in peace
• eat healthier meals and try not to skip eating
• try and smoke less
• learn some breathing excercises
• do one kind thing for someone, anyone, small, or big
• Take a few hours on the weekend to dedicate to writing scheduled blog posts
• Dedicate a time during the night to complete tasks for my blog page on facebook & for my blog site.
• TAKE A BREAK, daily
• Complete any wedding stuff every weekend

 

I will complete as many of these goals throughout the month, and whatever I don’t complete, I will add on to my next month’s monthly goal post. Let’s make each other accountable for what we want to achieve for ourselves!

I know it seems like another long list of tasks for you to complete, but this is for you. I promise it will make you feel good!

 

It will make [YOU] feel good!!

MM, out!

Tips on surviving March Break (Staycation)

Sunday is half-way done, and we’re leading into a full-week of screaming children, trying to figure out when time starts and ends in one day. If you’re like me who’s taking on a staycation instead of a fun trip outside the country, then you’re going to need some tips on how to get through the week without spending a ton, just to make it fun.

In case you’re not a frequent visitor on my blog, I have three children, Apollo (8), Artemis (2), and Cassiopeia (1). The ages of my kids, will probably determine the type of activity I’m going to engage in throughout the week, because my husband doesn’t get March Break off. He also cannot take the time off to invest into some planned trips within our city, because he’s swamped with a list of “finish me now” deadlines. So I’m truckin’ through March Break, alone. THAT’S OK though. The husband fill figure some night time activities with the kids.

Remember one thing: while March Break is usually for kids to take a load off from school, it’s also a week you’re taking off to take a break! So no pressure on having to pressure yourself on doing crazy, tiring adventures-unless you’re into that!

 

 

Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner

It’s inexpensive to eat at home, since you’re already home and not staying at a 4-5 star hotel outside of your country. Take that opportunity to save on meals. Take the kids on a trip to the grocery with you and pick-up items they want to incorporate into their meals. Come up with meals that require them to participate in the process. They’ll love the process, love what they’ve made and it’ll taste delicious for your wallet, with all that cash you’ll be saving on eating.

I understand not everyone want to make the trip to the grocery store with children in tow, but honestly if you have one of those groceries with tiny, training carts, it won’t be as bad. Allow them to create a list for themselves, and one-by-one check it off with them through the aisles. This may take a bit longer than usual, but again this fun experience goes under fun times during march break.

Allow a couple or few meals to be planned outside of home. Perhaps, two days of the week you go out for lunch at your local soup and sandwich joint you haven’t tried before, or their favourite restaurant. A few nights can be at your favourite dinner restaurant. Go out as little as you want, and do it on a budget you set right from the beginning of the week.

 

Invite Family over

Yes, some of you may be scoffing at your computer or mobile right now, thinking are you nuts? That’s more work for me and march break is for me to take a break. Wait a minute..I promise I’m into something here.

 

The grandparents are coming towards the end of the weekday. They’ll be coming over from three hours away, for four days. A little more than half of the week they’ll come spend some time with the grandbabies. They’ve set-up excursions to the indoor waterpark we have in Windsor, and that means a pass for march break for unlimited, exhausting swimming for the “boy-child” ™.

Do you see what I did there? Having family over wont be the end of the world for your march break, break. They’ll come to give you a break, and gain their points on best grandparents ever! You’ll only really conjure up energy for breakfast, dinner, and hang-out time before bed. You can use your pass for breakfast and dinner at a restaurant instead of cooking yourself.

 

Local fun – mall, skyzone, frozen yogurt, etc..

• In between the days when you can’t send off your kids with the family, take them to your local favourite places. Apollo loves the only major mall in Windsor, Devonshire. I don’t know why, but he loves heading to that place more than the outlet mall. Perhaps, it’s the cinnabon store they have, or the tiny vendor for mini-donoughts that they have. Either way, it’s a few hours spent straining your eyes on checking out items you don’t necessarily need to buy. Go shopping for some spring/summer outfits for the kids. Great time to get it out of the way before the rush of season of-shoppers.
• We have a trampoline and go-kart place here called, Skyzone. An hour there, will surely tire out the kids, in time for a nap at home. Or maybe they wont make it pass the parking lot.
• After dinner dates to your local frozen yogurt joint, like Menchies, is always a fun drive to do for dessert!

 

 

 

 

 

At-home planned fun

It’s still quite cold in Windsor, ON (Canada), so we’re going to keep the fun indoors.

• Movie nights with popcorn and other snacks
• bedtime in a tent (playroom set-up or basement)
• game boards
• forts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Party – your kid’s close friends who’s also on a staycation

Invite the parents. Make it into a party where the kids can hang out, entertain themselves, and make it into a pot lock. Pot-lock allows for less meals made or bought by you, and if you have yet to meet the other parents (like us), this is the best time to. It doesn’t suggest, leave your kids and come back. Buy a case of beer, a few bottles of cheap wine and you’re good for a night of partying with your kids. It’ll be loud, and probably get a little messy with a few kids, but that’s ok just for one day of the week. Remember you’re not inviting the whole class!

In the end, you’re entitled to create a week of whatever you’d like to do for March break. These tips are merely for your kids to survive a possible boring week, without losing your mind. Creating a chill, and inexpensive week is always awesome in my books.

Are you on a staycation for March break? What are you doing? Hit me up in the comments to share your tips!

 

Thanks for stopping by!

 

MM, out!

 

My top 3 Transitional Toys (from Babies to Early School-age)

There are those toys as moms that we keep during every spring cleaning fest we have. Toys we just can’t get rid of because our different aged children ranging from babies to early school-age (7 yo) still continue to play with.

My top 3 transitional toys:

Blocks

I have had these blocks, since Apollo was a toddler. I have kept them, year after year, and he continues to play with them even know at eight. We ended up adding to the set, for Artemis. She got a few sets as gifts on her first birthday, and her first Christmas. There is a bin (old art bin) full of blocks, and  an original bag that Apollo’s blocks came in. All I do is wash it once a month, with part water, and a few tablespoon of bleach. I wash it with warm water and soap first, and sanitize it with the water and bleach mix. I let it dry overnight, and make sure that there are no water left in the slots. Blocks are so versatile, that they can be utilized in different aspects of learning. 

Blocks can be used for sorting, counting, and colours, which encourages learning math. Blocks can also be incorporated with our toys like, toy soldiers who used them as structures to jump from, seats for dolls, tables for miniature toys, etc..

Blocks are great at any age! 

Pretend Toys – Food & Kitchen Utensils

Pretend play is a very big part of play in children. Children love to pretend-play with all sorts of toys, but one common toy that is used for every kind of pretend-play from baker and chef, to mommy and daddy picnics, to imitation of feeding babies are, food toys and kitchen utensils. It doesn’t get old. It continues to be played with, on a regular. Sometimes the kids even go through my drawers to use actual utensils, cups, plastic plates they use for eating. Food toys also contribute to school-age children in teaching them the types of food and what food family they belong in. I know having a picky eater, helps me in connecting the food he eats, with the toys he’s seen. Most of the time, after the food is cooked, and the kids weren’t part of the process, they wonder why the outcome looks so weird. Well utilizing the food toys as tangible examples (especially the ones that cut in half with pretend knives) makes it a little bit comforting for them. 

It’s definitely an awesome keep! 

Balls

We all know balls are universal. Anyone and everyone can keep them as long as they haven’t deflated. The collection of balls we have from the time Apollo could learn to just hold them, has tripled if not, more. From tennis balls, to soccer balls, to basketballs, to volleyballs, to balls that collect water for summer, to light-weight balls co-used with other toys, playing with balls are just great fun (back it up, you know what I meant), anytime.

Artemis is now into kicking it around, and she gets all these ideas and sees all these moves from her older brother, so having balls around are so perfect for gross-motor skills and active play. Artemis is learning to push the ball to Cassiopeia, where Cassiopeia then learns to stop it and picks it up or even chases it. These are all part of learning. From baby to school-age, balls provide learning for every step in their milestones. 

Children are able to utilize their motor skills according to the size of the ball, the weight of the ball, and eventually categorize the type of ball that it is. Promoting learning through physical activity. 

So, yes, I keep them as long as they’re in good condition.

There are a ton of other toys my kids love, and I’m sure your kids as well. The most important thing is keeping the ones that can grow with them and utilizing them regulary by incorporating them with other toys, and different types of play. 

 

What are some of the toys you keep on every big cleaning session, you do?

 

MM, out!

 

 

 

 

Lets Get it, TOGETHER!

Alright, alright, settle down..

The kids are all finally asleep..im writing this from my phone so bear with me if it doesn’t come out esthetically correct (c’mon you’re here for more than that)…

Its been an exhausting three days, sort of half way through the week..but when you’re a stay-at-home-mom, the week ending and the weekend finally being here doesn’t really make much of a difference in my books. The only thing that gets a break is the drop-off, pick-up errand, everything else stays the same and more things get added on, like laundry!

Ugh, lots of friggin’ laundry! What in the heavens, did they strike a deal with the laundry god and he’s all bitter about some next dryer lover who broke his heart and now he punishes us moms with a mountain of laundry on a weekly basis? I personally am not the type to do a load a day..i feel like it drives me nuts, having to remember and forget the damn loads. So i prefer the weekends to dedicate to laundry..however many I get done on whatever day. All i know is it gets done. 

I also do major grocery shopping on the weekend..for all necessary lunches, meals, and whatever I’ve forgotten on my short-runs throughout the week. I go out during the week for small purchases like milk, eggs, bread, and produce. So the weekend is nice for stocked fridge! 

I have feel feeling extra beat this week, maybe because we had two of my kids birthday over the weekend, and the in-laws were over. I mean one night, almost 2 days is really not that long but its exhausting! I think because I’ve only ever fancied having people at my house, now that we could house extended persons, I’m not used to it. I mean my hands were nonestop under running faucet, and at the end of Saturday night, they were dry and hurting I couldn’t open a gatorade bottle. So leading into this week, i was already done before it could even start! 

So obviously you’re kinda seeing through my rant that this leads to a question someone else asked…

I am part of a few mom groups on facebook (yes, yes i am. Let me know if you want in *insert nose rub here*). I am because being a sahm is lonely at times and the only other adult conversations i have are done with my fingers (wait a second don’t take that the wrong way), even laughing because being able to share experiences, relate, get advice is all that easy and hard at the same time. 

So one of the members post: 

“I am a stay at home mom, in your opinion should the home maintenance load be shared with your husband if he’s working full time? Or should i take it all as my responsibility since i dont work? My husband is great at picking up after himself but thats usually all he does”

Some of the response in the first few were all summed-up to, “well my husband works 50-60 hr work weeks, and he plays with the kids” or “we made a deal before the baby that I’d stay home and he’d work” or “he works really long hours, so i do most of it and thats fine”…ok back it up for a second. I know that i’m as guilty as some of these women, defending my husband-to-be, enabling the idea that because he works that many hours a week, he’s exhausted and im the one who halfly volunteered to stay home because, i just had the baby but, it does not mean he is cut-off from all other responsibilities. 

I am one person, who wears many hats. Yes hunny, i understans your 11 hrs-12 hr shifts a day are super exhausting and draining. It all is in the type of job too..but i work 24hrs a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, with no benefits, no pay, no bonus, no paid time off, no vacation days. So I hope to god, you’ll find extra strength in you to help me around the house and with the kids after you get home. Of course, only if you love me enough. If not well i guess you’re just in this for insurance money. 

I disapprove of us women having to always defend our partners because we love them and our status in the workforce is “big heart, keep taking, i will always love you”. Please, do yourself a favour..love yourself first, understand to a degree that just because you’re the one already home it doesn’t mean everything else should fall on you! This is a partnership between two people who before kids, were considerate of each other, made sure they were ok emotionally, physically, and everything in between. 

If we as women do not fight for this as their ‘better half’ then we falter in our roles. We falter in our care for ourselves, because we burn out faster. We falter in our ability to lead with love and not resentment. We falter to forget our relationship and the bond that binds it because well at the end of everyday what is left of you, is the tiny spec on the wall that wasn’t covered by god knows what. That spec, thats tired, thats drained, that smell, thats lonely. There has to be a balance between the people who run a family. I’m not a single mom, i am in a relationship that nurtures my ability to love. Then if all the gods, in heaven agree, i must take care of those abilities by not grinding it down to the ground. 

I get it, we’re all entitled to view this sahm differently..but i have to put it out there. This is a partnership, whether it is i am the one at home full-time or vice versa. If working moms could still half-ass manage home too, then so can dads. Its the effort. Its the that part of the working individuals who have a family that remembers to fight for that still because this is not the cot damn 50’s! 

MM, out

Every Piece of You

There is without a doubt that motherhood takes a tole on everything that is you!
From your health, to your physical standing, to your emotional state, to your eating habits, to your washroom routine, to your sleeping routine, to everything else in between.

I don’t know how many times I’ve had carpal tunnel from the repetitive work of motherhood.

I don’t know how many times, I’ve missed meals from making sure my kids are fed, and whatever I have decided to eat instead..made it into their tummies and I’m not even mad about it. Sometimes, I sneak it into the bathroom by the kitchen because I don’t have a walk-in pantry that I can lock and my bathroom in my room, doesn’t lock..just so i can take a quick min to eat something. When i say quick, i mean quick before they noticed you’re gone. 

I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten sick from the germs they bring home, only to not get any rest time because, that’s not what motherhood is about (Am I right, or am I right moms)!

I don’t know how many times, I’ve had to sort of “forget” my emotions, or at least I think I’m forgetting it, only to seep in on times I’d rather not have it. AND I LOSE IT, every single time! 

I don’t ever take my washroom breaks seriously, because I always have a full audience, mischievously going through my monthly stacked of pads, make-up, and other things I store in a washroom/bathroom.

Don’t even get me started on sleeping. What is that? Who does this? 

Amidst all this that seem so hard to sacrifice on days when I literally wish I can just be alone for the rest of my life, my precious children who drive me nuts on the daily, are everything I can ever ask for in life. The blessing, to be their mother, their friend, their provider, their protector, the teacher of love, understanding, care, and everything we moms are responsible for on the daily, is everything I could ever want out of my life.

I am always grateful, and thankful for being able to be a mom and have the opportunity to have my own little mini-me’s to live life and to be my legacies, if nothing more.

 

MM

 

Becoming MRS

Most of the ones who know J and I, know we’re merely Common Law partners. We have been together for the last ten years. In ten years, we’ve managed to complete goals together like post-secondary while have a toddler, and then another within that five year. In ten years, we’ve also been blessed with three kids. Above all, we’ve gone through and have surpassed most of the challenges that life has thrown at us.

We are anything but a typical couple, from the way we show we care and love each other, to how we allow others to perceive us as individuals and as partners through this life. We didn’t always think of marriage. The marriage talk didn’t come until much later in our relationship. It wasn’t because we didn’t think it was important or something we’d ever do. It was just something we didn’t feel was right for us, as soon as we had our first child. I guess you could say we’re a bit backwards with life’s events.

He recently proposed to me a couple of months ago, with Wonder Woman’s tiara from Mcdonalds, as he laid on the floor of the playroom, and our two younger ones circling around us. It was perfect in it’s own way. A much subtle proposal as I had asked of him. I didn’t want a huge, extravagant, extra kind of proposal. I am not the type of girl that dreamed of this one day, or played dress-up imagining my wedding day with my prince charming. It was perfect in all of it’s way!

July is the big day, and I am as excited as someone who marriage is the first step into being adult. I am excited because we finally get to explore this chapter of our relationship where I become Mrs, and he my legal husband.

We will be having a civil wedding, with 33 guests, along with our three beautiful children. I am so happy that my children get to be part of this day.

It’s crazy how life rolls on through. Being one who never saw this coming, it gives me such an amazing feeling to become his wife, even though we’ve got ten years, and three kids under our belt already.

Anyone else, was, is, in the future, in the same position?

MM