Does Taking a Mental Health Day help for Individuals With PPD & PPA? 

I have been a ghost lately with writing, only keeping up with my social media platfoorms sharing specs of my day.

 

“I was merely taking a break and using my mental health day card.”

 

I can’t begin to tell you what it feels like to have fallen into the abyss. Like your soul stuck in the deep, half fighting to get out, looking for some kind of reason to save itself from falling time and time again. I had called it quits on writing, called it quits on connecting with others, networking with others, and just sharing how everything has been stirring in my pot of life.

The truth is, it started off as a ‘break’ and as time lapsed, it became harder and harder to find myself in the things I thought helped me with self-care. 

 

Then, life happened some more. J, had left for Mexico for another work trip lasting two and a half weeks. His return date was the weekend before our wedding. It made it that much harder to go back to my routine, when you have to be present for the kids ALL.THE.TIME. You get no breaks.

“No breaks to pee, no breaks to shower, no breaks to eat a full meal, no breaks!”

Thankfully, a couple of our friends came for Canada Day with their son, to help busy up my eldest, have some adult conversations for a weekend, and have some extra pair of hands for help. Oh was it helpful, indeed!

 

J, finally came home. He got half a day of rest and the next day we were off to Toronto, for our wedding. We would be spending nine days in total in Toronto, getting last minute stuff done, from baby shoes, to haircuts, to mani-pedi, to all the in-between; I lost energy to accomplish before the week of the wedding. The days before the weekend was spent hanging out with our best of friends, and soaking in the time we don’t usually have when we head back home to Toronto for a weekend. It was indeed a good time.

The day of the wedding came, it was beautiful in all of its glory. The ceremony had everyone in tears, including my middle-child who photobombed our kiss. But in all of its awesomeness, is the fact that J and I are officially married.

 

After the wedding, it was a quick jump to seeing houses to choose one to move to from our current. We went back to Toronto the weekend after our wedding to pick-up Apollo from his Grandparents house, since he insisted on staying after the wedding. That weekend, Artemis had been sick with a fever; cranky all weekend. We attended my cousins wedding, and it was back to Windsor. Artemis still cranky, eventually figuring out she has an ear infection, made it that much harder to get on with finding a new house.

The house we currently have is just absurdly huge for two short adults, and three midgets. J spends a lot of time away, leaving me to do the maintenance of the house and in it’s whole. Well it’s just too big to maintain alone, with three kids. Plus, the cost of our rent is up the bazooka. All the hard work J does makes it feel like more than half of what he takes home is rent. Obviously something had to give. So we ended up finding a big enough house to house our family of 5, but making it a little snug with visitors. It’s doable if you divide everyone per room, haha. So, the crazy of packing and moving slowly has commenced and were due to be out of our old rental and into the new one on Friday. The rush is only so we can make my brother-in-laws birthday this weekend, and because J leaves again on the 3rd. So moving on my own with three kids would be one that would send me to the looney bin.

My life seems to be on a serious roller coaster all the time. It’s become so consistent in falls, I’ve stopped getting that feeling you get in your tummy when you suddenly fall. I almost wish I was just stuck in between the fall and landing. Just sit there, as if I was waiting to be rescued from the technical issue.

 

“My one day mental health day, took a long ass daaay and let me tell you why.”

 

When you have PPD & PPA, it isn’t a matter of the moment you’re angry, or sad, or anxious and it goes away. You spend a long moment, sometimes lasting days feeling down, depressed, anxious, worried, in panic, angry and you cannot pin point the root of where it began and what triggered it. An easy day it seems, doesn’t feel that way internally. You lose all motivation in life, what makes you easily smile is crushed into a billion pieces, what wakes you in the morning is no longer appreciation for another day to live with your loved ones, but another day you dread because..well.. waking-up just hurts all of you. Your soul doesn’t feel bruised, it feels like it’s all jumbled-up and no one can take you out of this nasty ‘rut’ you feel.

The sad thing is, it’s all feelings brought up by your mental thoughts. You say, do affirmations, think positive, but it’s not that easy. Your mind, it takes charge, and it takes over every bit of you and controls you from your emotions. It’s on over drive.

 

“Days, weeks, a month has gone by and this ‘thing’ of a feeling has you on a choke-hold, barely allowing you to breathe, and you’ve accepted that drowning is easier than trying to save yourself. It’s all too hard to.”

 

 

 

MM, out!

7 Tips on Surviving Part-time Motherhood 

J, is a project engineer for an automation company who supplies for the automotive industry. He works long hours, and spends very little time at home, aside from the weekend that flies by so quick. J also has to travel for work to oversee installations of their projects, provide tech support, and so forth. The trips away from home varies in length. One trip can be six days, the next, a few weeks with weekends at home or a month coming home just one weekend. 

What I know of this life is glamourized by the veterans who have gone, or is going through the same situation. They put out a picture of the perfect husband who provides from never being home and a housewife dressed to the tee, baking, getting homework done, clean home and well-behaved children. 

Let me tell you though.. that shit is a lie! 

I’m confused, obviously. Conflicted between being a supportive partner who wants her guy to be happy and to achieve goals for himself, and needy partner who can’t handle motherhood alone.

It’s pretty overwhelming to have to manage everything at the home front 24/7 and have absolutely not a minute to breathe. No there isn’t family or friends to depend on. We moved 3.5 hrs away from all of that to chase the dream. It’s so hard to find the balance between being supportive and bitter because really, only one of you are working towards your goals. It’s a bit hard to do it at the same time, when you’ve got three children, two of them under two. 

I spent the last three days drained. The crying, the whining, the fighting, the never ending demands of little midgets who rule every bit of you. I mean, who’s the adult here? I’m pretty sure that’s just a title..and whatever power you think you have over three children is laughed off by their evil little minds that are so clever and manipulative. You win some, you lose some. 

But in all the chaos of part-time single parenting, here is what I learned..

1. Forget Routine and Expectations, seriously 

No, you cannot have plans and not break them. No you cannot think you’ll clean after dinner, and get it done. No you cannot expect a toddler to not get up on her high chair 20 million times, while she’s eating. No you cannot expect your 1 yr old to sit in her high chair for every meal time and have that go smoothly. No you cannot go out to grab a few things are the market, without someone having a temper tantrum or spilling something, or Pooping, or puking. There is no point to scheduling. 

2. Take-out, for food 

I swear the last time J was gone, we ate nothing but take-out.. our garbage and recycling literally filled with Chinese food boxes from chicken wings, Tupperware of noodles, and pizza boxes. That’s all we ate at every meal. You cannot cook a nice meal with two children, under two. Are you crazy? How do you even? I cooked maybe once – it was taco. 

3. Take-up drinking

For someone who stopped drinking after having her first child, I’ve become a light-weight. But I feel like if I take it up again, my tolerance will get better right away because the amount of drinking I should be doing for the amount of craziness it is to get through one day equals to about $24 — three bottles of “girls night out” pink juice with a hint of alcohol for the weak tolerance, people. 

So $24×5=$120/week, 15 bottles/week..yes I’m finally an alcoholic! Perks of motherhood 😆

4. SCREW CLEANING

Your house will never actually be clean, because who has time to do that while you’re dying from every other chore of being a lone parent? So screw it. I should start using the dishwasher. We’ve lived here a year and like every other Asian mom out there, my dishwasher is merely for drying dishes and storing large pots. Shame! 

5. Small trips

Party city, Wal-Mart and The Superstore has become our go-to place during the weeknights. I swear, these places either save me from wanting to strangle myself from the stress, or it’s heaven on days where I can find something for distraction. 

6. Video chat 

Thank God for technology. Having to ability to video chat, allows for the mixed emotions to still be shared on the table. Crying, screaming and face time, like he never left. 

7. Zero fuc*s

You are absolutely out of your mind if you thought you’d still live your normal, while the other adult is gone. Nope! Everything is chaotic. You don’t get to be a responsible adult, and get shit done. Nope! You get to be a sloppy, teenager, babysitting little siblings, who eats noodles, for two meal times and miss breakfast because you’d rather sleep some more. All rules, all schedules, everything is literally out of whack. So just live it! 
Honestly at the end of the day, you kept your kids, alive and together. They’re probably traumatized from all the demonic screaming you did all day, but the peaceful quietness that come after they close their eyes, is the perfect feeling of worth it for the sacrifices you make as individuals in an adult relationship. 

MM, out! 

Mothering without a Mom

I had spent the last few days contemplating on writing about this. A topic I rarely find easy to share about. I didn’t want to time it where it was close to Mother’s Day and ruin it for anyone else.


“I know this may not be the same story for everyone but it is something I struggle with every Mother’s Day.”


As a child, I spent a lot of time with extended families who babysat me for my Dad. Aunts, friends, and neighbours. I spent much of my childhood having to move around and never really being in one place. I was raised by my aunt (my dad’s sister-in-law), from the age of three to nine. She did end up leaving to come to Canada when I was seven. Her oldest son who was left behind, his wife and their baby would end up taking over. It would be another two years before I would leave to Canada. I was nine years old.


What I have learned from studying in the field of education with children is that, the first six years of a child’s life is the most critical for parents to invest the time in. It’s so important for their development, and what that time contributes to who they’re becoming.


I remember as a child thinking my aunt was my mom. I fought for her attention, fought with my cousins that I was no different from them. I did things to gain her love. I wanted to be hers, and I wanted to be claimed, someones. When she left, I was devastated. Like a piece of my soul chipped at, for losing someone closest to a mom. I was so excited to see her again when I came to Canada, but her view of me would change. There would be a wall between us, that separated me from her. She had her own family, I wasn’t hers. I couldn’t have her. A few years down the line, that broken line would have her betray me. I trusted her, I thought she cared about me, and she would out me like a bad story. The part of me who loved her is now gone. It still makes me sad.

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Don’t go chasing something that was never meant to be yours.


I would later on try to build bonds with my dad’s women friends, the moms of my friends, and every other moms I would later on meet. The heartbreak it came with, was so overwhelming. To constantly fail at being someones. I tried so hard to be wanted. I just wanted what everyone had. I wanted that nurturing love, that love that’s there when your world is crumbling down, when your heart is hurting so bad, that love that comes so unconditionally because, YOU ARE HERS.


All my failures at finding HER in others, eventually made me feel numb. I stopped looking. I stopped wanting that. I stopped caring. It would eventually sit in the back burner where a ton of my experiences have been sitting and burning away.


JUST LET GO…

Here I am, a mother of three. The most wonderful accomplishment in my life. The chance I never got to have for me, but now I’m giving to my three beautiful children. Every mother’s day, my heart hurts. It hurts for what I can’t fully celebrate. A day I don’t really care for. But also a day that brings me so much pride. I am a Mother!


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Ryan Jon’s Mother’s Day Message

Wherever you are…

Time has passed. I’ve mourn your loss. I wonder at times, if you’re okay. If you’re still alive. If you ever thought of me. The most painful thing for me is being angry with you. It affects me at any given moment. I wonder how it would have been if you were here. Do I have siblings? I would love that. Did you ever come looking for me? Did I mean much to you, even after you left? If you could have the chance to see me now, would you? Why did you give me away? Why didn’t you fight for me? Why wasn’t I enough? Does your heart hurt the way mine does, because we share one. If you could see me now, would you be proud? You’re a grandmother to three beautiful babies. I am everything, you never was. Sure you struggled. Sure you were alone. Why did he leave you? Does he even know about me? I don’t know anything about this part of me. I wish you had left me with something. I wish you had fought harder. I wish that the time I lost, is a struggle you battle each and every day. I am broken, I am hurt. I needed you. I wanted you. I just needed you to look back. This is something I will forever carry in my heart. As time lapse, I hope for one thing only, to let go of you and stop the heartbreak.
— Happy Mother’s Day, from the daughter you never had.–“


HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL OF YOU!

To all the moms out there who grind each and every day for their little loved ones, to the ones who have lost theirs, to the ones who are trying to have just one, to the ones who had no choice but to give theirs up, to ones doing it all alone, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. You are most loved, no matter what!


Apollo, Artemis & Cassiopeia

“I’m not always the mom you want me to be. But I will always be the mom, you need. I won’t always do things right, I won’t always give you everything you want. But I will always be here by your side, to hold your hand through anything and everything. I will always love you from the depths of my soul. For all the moments you feel defeated, know I am always cheering you on. I will always help you get up again. I will do things you won’t always understand, but know that in everything I do..I do it because I love you. I hope nothing but for you guys to grow up to be kind people. To love one another through everything and be there for each other, always. I pray for you that your life be full and blessed. I pray that your heart achieves all the things you want in this world. Even when time has gone, remember always that Mom loves you forever.”

MM, out!

May: Mental Health Awareness Month 

May is an observed month for Mental Health Awareness in the United States since 1949. 

 

Though I am not a citizen of America, I share the experience of Mental Illness with the whole world. And sharing my experience is an important point I’d like to advocate for on my blog. 

 

 

 

 

If you are not a follower of my blog, I want you to know that I suffer from Postpartum Depression & Anxiety, OCD that I recently just discovered. The statistics in Canada for women who reported going through postpartum depression is 7.5%. That’s not a huge number in terms of reports of women having it. I say this because, it is not an illness that women/men openly talk about, but this is a very common and unexpected illness that most new parents and parents in general experience in first few years.

Having shared my initial experience of finding out I have it, was a struggle on its own but the outpouring support from the community of bloggers have mostly mentioned how this is not a common topic talked enough about. There isn’t much light being brought to raise awareness of this illness. Just like anyone would be concerned about cancer, this too is an illness that cannot be controlled and should gain the concern it requires.

 

Its an illness that that hides inside of the person and finds itself free to attack the person at any unexpected moment. 

 

What makes it even worse is the fact that it’s a mental health illness. Just say mental health in your head again, and what comes to mind? A person with an unstable mind? A person who is capable of bad things because they’re not all there, up there? A person who cannot perform their usual duties as a citizen or an individual because their brain cannot function like a ‘normal person’? That’s the stigma talking. That’s also the stigma stuck in my head when I first thought about what it would be like to share this with others.


FEAR!

Individuals who experience some sort of Mental Illness, struggle internally to share in words that would allow the receiver to understand.  The truth is, most individuals who experience mental illness cannot always find the words to say without sounding like they are ‘crazy’. Your mind plays tricks on you. You’re not really sure why you’re thinking, what you’re thinking–why you’re irrational, emotional and absolutely out of character.  Well it’s a chemical imbalance. Your emotions are all out of whack, even though the issue is with your brain that’s mostly, usually realistic, rational, and stern; with mental illness, none of that is how it’s supposed to be.

 

Mental illness is not something anyone just fixes for the person suffering. It is not an illness that the individual can just brush off and everything returns to ‘normal’.
It is an illness that cannot be helped (I repeat this because for those who don’t know this is a common misconception). 


There are a lot of people who choose to be ignorant about mental illness. Those people who have never experienced it with someone they love or for themselves.  People who don’t care enough about the importance of why this illness matters enough to be talked about. Sure back then (40’s, 50’s, maybe early 60’s) this isn’t a thing to be sharing with the world. It means you got sent to an institution because they didn’t have a solution for this. And what they did have for it was more pain. 


“Well, here’s the thing..you have to really think outside of your ass in order to really understand this. You’re not going to find it in there. This is just as important to understand as anything else that threatens the value of life.”

 

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Mental illness doesn’t just affect the person who has it but also those dearest to their heart. It affects families. The challenges of this illness takes a tole on each individual members of a family. The tole of this illness is the very thing that makes the feeling of guilt ever so present in motherhood.



HAVING CHILDREN IS NOT THE MAIN CAUSE OF THIS ILLNESS! 

There are several factors to why an individual finds themselves with this illness. The majority of women I have been able to connect with who suffer from this illness has openly shared the traces of their sickness reaching back to before they even had children. Having children is one of the factors that contributes at a later time in life, but it is an illness that roots from past experiences. Yes it can be from the sudden change of life experiences, in motherhood but for the most part this illness is traced from what’s already happened that the individual has fought to shove in a box, in the back of their minds. It can be hereditary. Something you didn’t know runs in your family bloodline. For someone who’s not aware of her roots, this is something I cannot trace back to roots. One thing I am certain of though is that, I’ve a lot of pent up anger that roots from my childhood that I kept in an box inside, far back that has now found its way creeping in on top of all the other stressor accompanying motherhood. 


If you know anyone who appears to be having a hard time emotionally, please offer to listen. Don’t judge or start diagnosing someone of what YOU THINK the problem is, but rather provide resources of different types of help they can seek professionally that may more helpful. 
There are a ton of people, communities who advocate for the awareness of this illness and mental illness in general. Please educate yourself if you’re uncertain of what mental illness is and how it affects a person. Don’t be ignorant. Don’t be judgemental because I can guarantee you, this is not my choice! No one wants to suffer emotionally and psychologically.

 

 

MM

How My Postpartum Depression Affects My Son

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This post is probably going to make you feel all sorts of things. It’s probably going to make you want to judge me on how cruel or mean I am as a mom. Maybe you’ll find it in your heart to understand how this is a struggle for me, something that breaks my heart on the daily, something I have felt so guilty and have cried an ocean about. But I’m going to share this with you, because I don’t think many people understand the extent or the vastness of Postpartum Depression and how it effects the actual person and the people she loves the most. 

 

My Son

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My son is eight. When I first had him, I was twenty-one. I remember the day I went into labour, and feeling afraid. Apollo being my first child, I was afraid of how it was all going to happen. If I could do it. If I was prepared to give birth to a baby. If I was prepared to have a child. All the things you’re supposed to have thought about prior, came flooding in and all I could think about was, “WHY DIDN’T I READ THOSE BABY BOOKS?!” As if I was gonna find the drugs to ease the pain from labour, or get the doctor who needs to administer the epidural out of the operation room faster, because by the time I opted for epidural I was already exhausted from the contractions.

This isn’t a birth story, so lets fast forward to after he was finally sucked out of my hoo-ha to help me get him out, because I sure was not going to have a c-section. I made sure of that, I’m pretty sure I yelled that to the doctor! “Get this baby out of my vagina, however you need to, as long as it comes out from down there and not my stomach!”

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He ended up having a fever after he came out, he didn’t even cry. Such a brave boy! I didn’t even know he was out, until my mother-in-law said, “Why are you still crying, he’s already over there!” I had felt so exhausted from it all, I couldn’t deal with how I felt about the guilt that my child ended up with a cone head because of the vacuums’ suction, or the fact that he has a fever now, because I ended up getting a fever towards the end of my delivery. How my weakness transferred to my son, and how he was going to spend the rest of his life having this bad trait from me.

Apollo Kai

“As Bright as The Sun and as Deep as The Ocean”

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The focus of this post is to share with you how my postpartum depression experience has effected Apollo the most, in comparison to his sisters who are too young to understand or to allow the effects to consume them. It isn’t to say that it hasn’t effected anyone in my house less, but I feel like my postpartum depression has effected my relationship with Apollo the most, since it began before he had any siblings.

 

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Apollo is the sweetest boy, he is kind, gentle-hearted, loving, fun, rambunctious, hyper, helpful, sensitive, and likes to keep his emotions to himself.

 

It has been super hard coping with postpartum depression, even with the medication the doctor has prescribed (It has yet to work, or not working at all), one in which I can only take when there is another adult to watch the kids because it makes me super sleepy and tired. Well I don’t ever get to use that one because I am never with another adult until around six in the evening or later. So during the day when my anxiety is high and unmanageable, I cannot take anything to help me take the edge off. We have no family and friends around to help because they are all three and a half hours away.

Before I acknowledged or even figured out something was wrong with me, I had spent the last few years feeling like I hated my son, because of the way I treated him. I was easy to anger, easy to yell, every little thing upset me. My OCD effected the way I mothered him, constantly on him for every little thing. “Pick-up your sweater!” “Stop jumping all over the place!” “Calm down!” And slowly it would make us drift.

 

“Do I not love him the same, anymore?”

 

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Slowly our relationship struggled. I was always upset with him. He was always in trouble at school from not being able to socially align his personality (he’s medically assessed to be a gifted child) with the way other children are. I was always yelling at him for everything!

I wasn’t doing any better being the way I was with him. I could recall how I would cry and stand up for him when we were having trouble at school when he was in Kindergarten. I remember I would remind him how he wasn’t the problem and that the school was. Then that shifted a bit before Arty (my second child) was born.

 

I would cry every time I lost it with him. The guilt would over power me and I would drift into this hole, that even I can’t figure a way out of. I hated myself. I hated that I wasn’t the mom I used to be. I hated that the way I loved him changed. I hate that every little thing was so hard. I hated that I could no longer connect with my son.

“I hated that I was a terrible mother!”

 

I love him more than anything in this world! This, I know! This, I feel. But it feels like however Postpartum Depression is effecting me, it’s making my love for Apollo weak. Weak enough, that I am not the mom he used to adore! I am no longer the mom that would give him the benefit of the doubt first, who would never second-guess him, who never had an ounce of distrust! I stood up for him, no matter what! I cried for him, when he was sad, and he felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

 

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NOW…
It feels like, he’s drifted from me. It feels like he doesn’t have to talk to me about anything at all because I won’t listen, or I’m always too busy, or I’m always upset. He no longer sits with me and cuddles me, because he feels like I’m so cold to him. He no longer hugs me with sincerity because he feels I’ve changed. He no longer gives me kisses, because kisses mean you have a connection.

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Postpartum Depression is the worst thing I have ever experienced as a mother. It effects every bit of you. You cannot control it. You cannot just make it go away. AS MUCH, as you tell yourself to get yourself together and stop it, YOU CAN’T! It effects you emotionally and physically. It effects the people you love the most. It effects your decision making, it effects your mood, it effects your happiness, IT EFFECTS WHO YOU ARE! I don’t know how else to explain how Postpartum Depression has changed me. Or how much it has effected my family, especially my son. 

But, What I do know is this…
I will get through this. Postpartum Depression will not have me, forever. Postpartum Depression will not take me away from my son, no matter how much it tears me apart. Postpartum Depression will not break my relationship(s) to point, where I cannot get them back. I will fight with all of me, to get better and beat this thing! I will do whatever it takes to fix my relationship with my son, with so much love, that this thing cannot find a loop hole in. I will fight this! I will take my soul back!

 

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I.LOVE.YOU. MORE THAN IT SEEMS, MORE THAN IT WEIGHS, MORE THAN MY LIFE.  I WILL GET US BACK!

 

 

 

MM, out!

#RockingMotherhood be like…

Thank you to one of my favourite mommy bloggers Tina from (No, You Need to Calm Down), for tagging me in #rockingmotherhood!

 

It’s literally taken me a week to get this going. I took about a week off blogging, to deal with coping with my Postpartum Depression. Last weekend was my youngest daughter’s baptism. We had her godparents, and my husband’s family over for the weekend. It went well, but perhaps, I was exhausted from all of it and ended up feeling unmotivated and in postpartum depression mode. I don’t really know how to explain that to you, but I just didn’t feel like myself, nor did I feel upbeat enough to continue on with my blogging to-do’s. 

I have been trying to figure out, how I have been #rockingmotherhood. It’s a lot harder to find things you do so good that you’re rocking this role called, motherhood. Most of the time, we get so caught up with picking-at the bad stuff we do, we are mostly filled with guilt rather than accomplishments.

 

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I am going to try my best to come up with a few things to share with you how I am #rockingmotherhood, but please bear with me.


  1. I, mother 3!

    For most of the day, I take care of all three of my children. All day, everyday. I find this as impressive as someone who can juggle. If you’re new to my blog, then you probably don’t know that we moved three and a half hours away from home (Toronto, ON), because my husband found work over the border in Michigan, USA as a project engineer. He works for an automation company, so this means he spends endless hours working on projects and meeting deadlines. This also means, while he spends endless hours at work, I spend endless hours at home taking care of our three babies and everything else in between. I don’t know about you but having children in general is hard and then you add two more and I can guarantee you, you’ll lose your mind trying to figure out how to do just that.
  2. Queen of Unhealthy Snacks

    I contemplated on writing this, but I am definitely my children’s bestfriend when it comes to getting snacks. All day, my two year old asks for snacks, unless she’s sleeping. So having a crazy amount of snacks in my house is as important as changing your underwear every single day. I also don’t have all healthy snacks (don’t judge me). I grew up not really having all the snacks I wanted for school. So I told myself that when I grow up, I will buy and have all the snacks I want. This also means, I send my son stuff to school I never got like: Lunchables, brownies, cakes, dunkaroos, cookies, fake juice, and the list goes on (I know all the healthy mamas reading this are probably shaking their heads at me). There’s surely a sprinkle of healthier snacks in there, that I just don’t care to mention, but my children aren’t always high on sugar, I promise. Having these “snacks” allow me to miss out on most tantrums about the kinds of snacks they want when we grocery shop. While I didn’t start them on healthy eating, I do try to encourage them to eat healthier most of the time. Those snacks are also not free-for-all, whenever, wherever. These are snacks they have to ask for and not expect to just have.
  3. Lesson in Everything
    I am the strict one, between my husband and I. I usually make all the rules, while my husband sometimes try to bend them for the kids. I constantly use moments and situations as a learning tool. Experiences are so big with my eight year old right now. I encourage him to always take them for what it is, after exerting all possible solutions. When we’ve got none, then we resort to “what can we learn from this”. I teach all my kids the same thing; for every action comes consequence. This applies more to my son, because he’s the oldest and he’s in school, so he has more experience with social experiences. It’s tough for him at times, and I wish I could just bear it all for him, and deal with it all for him. But he is a growing boy, and there are things he has to learn for himself. Whether that means, dealing with it the best way he thinks at the time and still having it be a mistake. Then we deal with it, as it comes. It’s tough being a teacher about life, when you’ve had such a different upbringing.
  4. Treats: Anyday
    I don’t have a strict routine on taking adventures or going out. I usually just go when I want to go. This means, I take my kids with me. Most of the time these sporadic trips are really more for them than me, but it makes me happy. For example, yesterday I was overwhelmed and not feeling too well. Apollo had gone to a birthday party, which J drove him to. The girls and I stayed home. The girls were supposed to have been napping. Only one of them did. So the other, watched t.v. with me. She was of course miserable after missing that nap. Well soon after, Apollo and J returned. Apollo obviously had a loot bag, and my two year old would obviously become jealous for having cool stuff in a bag. So I decided to take her to Party City, on a shopping spree of 0.40c toys and candies she can fit in their little tiny baskets. She was super happy, and excited. She listened the whole time we were in the store! Oh and when I said, “not that one” or “that one is too expensive”, she calmly responded, “Okay mom”. That experience meant to me more than the fact that I was spoiling her. That she had to have a loot bag, even though she didn’t go to a birthday party. But she got her siblings something too, which I thought was sweet! So these moments, call for no appointments in my calendar. I usually just go whenever I feel like my kids deserve a small joys. It could be a trip to the dollarstore, for one item each. The smiles in those moments, make my heart flutter and it’s the best weakness I have for my kids.
  5. I Always Know Where it is
    I’m pretty sure all moms have this in common, we are always the ones who are supposed to keep track of everything, for everyone. It can get pretty challenging and annoying having to be the go-to person for everything.

    “I don’t actually always know where it is, but I think I’ve seen it”, is my motto.

    I have a photographic memory of everything in my house. I can recall where an item is, by memory even though I don’t need to know. Ok, I don’t spend all day trying to memorize things, I just sort of store it in my head and when someone is looking for something, I can direct them easily to it. It’s a gift, it’s a curse, whichever, I always know where it is!

 

We all have things we’re really good at that helps everyone in our little family to get the ball going, we all #RockMotherhood!

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I’d like to nominate these awesome mommies who also happen to be my other favourite bloggers, so they can too share how they’re #RockingMotherhood:

Tiffany (Shortsweetmom), Kristin (PrettyLoved), Ant (Ourcookery), and Dedreanna (Adventures at Home).

 

MM, out!

H.K., CO 

I have recently in the last couple of months made a conscious decision to participate in groups on facebook. There are a ton of communities that form on there on the daily, to help you in so many ways.

I opted to join a mommy group where all moms in the world gather to share their feelings, struggles, jokes, videos, life, experieces, and so forth. It allows women from all walks of life to meet, help one another digitally, and even get to know other women from the same location as them. 


I had posted a comment on the group wall, to share my struggle with my mom doubts. To keep it short, I received a ton of good suggestions, advice and even some that were downright judgemental and rude. But like everything in life, you take it with a grain of salt. 
I am writing today to let you know that in these experiences we choose to take-on digitally, you sometimes find a person or two who epitomizes the definition of humble, sweet, loving, and kind. 

I am sharing with you about a woman I met over this mommy group who I’ll call, H.K. In the last few weeks that I have gotten to know her (yes, we added each other as friends), she has proved to be more of a friend to me than a random person you stumbled upon in person.

 

It’s strange to see how friendships can be made online with people you’ve never met.


But she is so open, so kind in all she says, that it would have been an opportunity lost in making long-distance friendships (i dont know if she thinks we’re friends now), but i certainly feel she’s a good person to be digitally friends with and if ever in person. 

You all probably think I’m crazy for being so trusting. But the thing is, in the time we live in, everyone fends for themselves. Everyone jumps in a cage full of beasts that attack the minute you step-in. There are reasons we all have why we seek communities as such. It’s been a huge thing in the last several years to connect with people from all over the world. So what’s the fear?

 

No one ever trusts anyone, anymore. 

H.K., participates in this mommy group full-time. I see her comments on most of the post on there and she is nothing but always kind. She stands up for people. She isn’t afraid to lead with kindness above all things. She spews out love in all her comments, support, and understanding. And she shares the most uplifting experiences of motherhood.

I often see inconsistency in the commentators on there who participate full-time. Sometimes they’re positive, sometimes they’re judgemental. Well, not H.K.

I share this because this is the type of values we should share in the world. For women to have each others back NO MATTER WHAT! It is hard enough already to go through motherhood, without a book. But to find other women who will take on this journey with you with support, kindness, love, makes this journey a little bit easier. It allows one mother to bounce off ideas, doubts, and concerns with another and find common ground to help each other, even if it’s just emotionally. 

Is that not amazing? 

Have any of you connected with other moms out there? 

MM, out! 

Making Goals as SAHM

I had recently read a blog by a fellow blogger (Shann Eva’s Blog) on her March Goals. She’s incorporated the goals she has yet to achieve with new ones she’s made, and the included short-term and long-term goals.

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I find as a Stay-at-home-mom it’s so crucial to make goals for oneself. It’s so important to have something to work towards, because lord knows if you didn’t you’d just do this motherhood thing front, back, side, and front again. AND LETS BE HONEST, you can’t possibly just MAAAAAAAM all day, everyday, for as long as you’re living. I mean, it can’t all just be that! It doesn’t make you bad at motherhood or a bad mom at that, for wanting more! It doesn’t mean you can’t have other accomplishments,  other than birthing children (although that pretty much tops it all).

As moms, we accomplish tens and thousands of tasks all day. Well most of those tasks are not of ours. Not of anything we really want to do or want to be doing. It’s insane how much of us we pour into the lives that rely on us. I get it, we’re moms, I get it we’re supposed to because how else do we profess our eternal love for our children who is supposed to be our world and nothing else. Well, it makes me a rebellious mom, perhaps. I do what I want, on my own terms, based on my own ideas and understanding of motherhood.

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I’m making monthly goals. That’s all!

Because March is almost done, and I’d rather start them at the beginning of the month, I’ll write this for April 2017.

 

April 2017

  • work-out 4 times a week, for 40 mins a day.
  • write in my journal daily with affirmations, negatives to positives, memories, moments, and fill a page at least (thorughout the day)
  • say at least one good thing that I love about each member of my family-to them, everyday
  • give myself an hour each day, to write in my journal in peace
  • eat healthier meals and try not to skip eating
  • try and smoke less
  • learn some breathing excercises
  • do one kind thing for someone, anyone, small, or big
  • Take a few hours on the weekend to dedicate to writing scheduled blog posts
  • Dedicate a time during the night to complete tasks for my blog page on facebook & for my blog site.
  • TAKE A BREAK, daily
  • Complete any wedding stuff every weekend

 

I will complete as many of these goals throughout the month, and whatever I don’t complete, I will add on to my next month’s monthly goal post. Let’s make each other accountable for what we want to achieve for ourselves!

I know it seems like another long list of tasks for you to complete, but this is for you. I promise it will make you feel good!

 

It will make [YOU] feel good!!

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MM, out!

Tips on surviving March Break (Staycation)

Sunday is half-way done, and we’re leading into a full-week of screaming children, trying to figure out when time starts and ends in one day. If you’re like me who’s taking on a staycation instead of a fun trip outside the country, then you’re going to need some tips on how to get through the week without spending a ton, just to make it fun.

In case you’re not a frequent visitor on my blog, I have three children, Apollo (8), Artemis (2), and Cassiopeia (1). The ages of my kids, will probably determine the type of activity I’m going to engage in throughout the week, because my husband doesn’t get March Break off. He also cannot take the time off to invest into some planned trips within our city, because he’s swamped with a list of “finish me now” deadlines. So I’m truckin’ through March Break, alone. THAT’S OK though. The husband fill figure some night time activities with the kids.

Remember one thing: while March Break is usually for kids to take a load off from school, it’s also a week you’re taking off to take a break! So no pressure on having to pressure yourself on doing crazy, tiring adventures-unless you’re into that!

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Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner

It’s inexpensive to eat at home, since you’re already home and not staying at a 4-5 star hotel outside of your country. Take that opportunity to save on meals. Take the kids on a trip to the grocery with you and pick-up items they want to incorporate into their meals. Come up with meals that require them to participate in the process. They’ll love the process, love what they’ve made and it’ll taste delicious for your wallet, with all that cash you’ll be saving on eating.

I understand not everyone want to make the trip to the grocery store with children in tow, but honestly if you have one of those groceries with tiny, training carts, it won’t be as bad. Allow them to create a list for themselves, and one-by-one check it off with them through the aisles. This may take a bit longer than usual, but again this fun experience goes under fun times during march break.

Allow a couple or few meals to be planned outside of home. Perhaps, two days of the week you go out for lunch at your local soup and sandwich joint you haven’t tried before, or their favourite restaurant. A few nights can be at your favourite dinner restaurant. Go out as little as you want, and do it on a budget you set right from the beginning of the week.

 

Invite Family over

Yes, some of you may be scoffing at your computer or mobile right now, thinking are you nuts? That’s more work for me and march break is for me to take a break. Wait a minute..I promise I’m into something here.

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The grandparents are coming towards the end of the weekday. They’ll be coming over from three hours away, for four days. A little more than half of the week they’ll come spend some time with the grandbabies. They’ve set-up excursions to the indoor waterpark we have in Windsor, and that means a pass for march break for unlimited, exhausting swimming for the “boy-child” ™.

Do you see what I did there? Having family over wont be the end of the world for your march break, break. They’ll come to give you a break, and gain their points on best grandparents ever! You’ll only really conjure up energy for breakfast, dinner, and hang-out time before bed. You can use your pass for breakfast and dinner at a restaurant instead of cooking yourself.

 

Local funmall, skyzone, frozen yogurt, etc..

  • In between the days when you can’t send off your kids with the family, take them to your local favourite places. Apollo loves the only major mall in Windsor, Devonshire. I don’t know why, but he loves heading to that place more than the outlet mall. Perhaps, it’s the cinnabon store they have, or the tiny vendor for mini-donoughts that they have. Either way, it’s a few hours spent straining your eyes on checking out items you don’t necessarily need to buy. Go shopping for some spring/summer outfits for the kids. Great time to get it out of the way before the rush of season of-shoppers.
  • We have a trampoline and go-kart place here called, Skyzone. An hour there, will surely tire out the kids, in time for a nap at home. Or maybe they wont make it pass the parking lot.
  • After dinner dates to your local frozen yogurt joint, like Menchies, is always a fun drive to do for dessert!

 

 

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At-home planned fun

It’s still quite cold in Windsor, ON (Canada), so we’re going to keep the fun indoors.

  • Movie nights with popcorn and other snacks
  • bedtime in a tent (playroom set-up or basement)
  • game boards
  • forts

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Party – your kid’s close friends who’s also on a staycation

Invite the parents. Make it into a party where the kids can hang out, entertain themselves, and make it into a pot lock. Pot-lock allows for less meals made or bought by you, and if you have yet to meet the other parents (like us), this is the best time to. It doesn’t suggest, leave your kids and come back. Buy a case of beer, a few bottles of cheap wine and you’re good for a night of partying with your kids. It’ll be loud, and probably get a little messy with a few kids, but that’s ok just for one day of the week. Remember you’re not inviting the whole class!

In the end, you’re entitled to create a week of whatever you’d like to do for March break. These tips are merely for your kids to survive a possible boring week, without losing your mind. Creating a chill, and inexpensive week is always awesome in my books.

Are you on a staycation for March break? What are you doing? Hit me up in the comments to share your tips!

 

Thanks for stopping by!

 

MM, out!

 

On the Daily w. Mars

As I sit here and try and conjure up a list of things I do throughout the day, as to why I’m so exhausted all the time, I realized the importance of LITTLE THINGS. You see a day in the life of any moms, a stay at home one at that is often misconceived for doing absolutely nothing. So I thought I’d share with you what I do on the daily.

4:15 a.m. 

My alarm goes off to encourage J to get up and not miss his alarm set for fifteen minutes later. While J, usually gets himself up with or without my alarm (though sometimes from exhaustion, he misses his two set time). But as a wife, these are the small things we do for them. In the last few weeks, from being super tired due to being up throughout the night to feed my now one year old, Cassiopeia who still cries for milk at least twice during the night. Lately, Artemis has also been whining for milk at least once during the night. I don’t know why Artemis has started with this, because after she was born she only spent a few months doing this. Then as soon as she learned to sleep through, she was great. Perhaps, more and more as a two year old, her sleep gets disturbed by her baby sisters cries and the only way she knows to get back to sleep is the soothing coolness of milk. With that said, when you go to be past 12 a.m. most nights, and rarely due to the kids, and more because of your brain being incredibly annoying and keeping you up with unbearable thoughts of everything and nothing at the hours of rest-it proves the theory of moms being sleep deprived.

7:10 a.m. 

This is my second alarm for Apollo, the now eight year old who is by law required to go to school like most children. I’ve started giving him the responsibility of waking up with an alarm and helping himself get ready and fix a breakfast he’d rather enjoy. I’ve accepted that my versions of breakfast, as half-fancy as they are, is not something he likes and almost, always, would rather suggest to me what’s better than what I’ve got. Usually Nutella wins. Because nuts aren’t ever allowed these days to school, I often allow it for his once a day intake of all that hazel-nutty goodness. I used to have it for lunch at times as a child. There are tons of good lunches I used to have as a child and not necessarily healthy for you but with the times we live in, everyone is either organic based foods, or something But that’s not really for me to elaborate on, as each parent is entitled to those choices for their family.

Most of the time, Apollo misses his alarm, or will get up, turn it off, turn the lights on in the bathroom, and run the faucet. It racks up my bill for water and hydro by the way, because he’s actually gone to bed to go back to sleep when he does this. Ugh, it makes me so mad. I’d always find myself up there waking him up, and upset at the fact that he’s wasting so much energy and water. But really, it’s because my 8 year old who was just seven before Saturday that just passed, managed to trick me! He’ll spend about 20 minutes brushing his teeth, in between playing and staring at himself in the mirror. He’ll receive another reminder to hurry and that’s usually when he decides to finish pretending to brush his teeth. He’ll then take another 10 minutes getting dress, in between playing with toys or reading a book, because when your kids have no concept of time, or care for time, this is usually how the drill goes. He’ll finally make it downstairs, where his breakfast is waiting, a Nutella sandwich, with a cup of milk, 2 gummy vitamins, and a 1/4 cup of vitamin c. On the off chance that I get him to eat anything else, I’ll offer him, waffles, cereal, or muffins (you probably think how unhealthy). Well that’s all he’d really say yes to, unless i had about two hours to fight him throughout the whole meal time on eating and forcing him to eat what I view as healthy. He’d be late for school, or never make it!

8:45 a.m. 

We leave the house, considering I’ve strapped on Cassi in her car seat, had the middle one dressed in outdoor gear, and we’re moving along out the door, without any fuss. Most morning, the idea of going out the door, into the car is a good thing for my kids. So it’s not always tears, and fighting, and screaming. We get to his school in 3-4 minutes driving to, but if we had to walk like we did last summer, it takes about 25 minutes to get to, and from. So there goes almost an hour of exercise you say.

8:55 a.m. 

We’ve usually returned from dropping off Apollo to school.
I rarely take the girls with me for any types of errands, because it’s either I didn’t have enough time to take with me a diaper bag, or I’d rather feed them breakfast at home and having to get ready again to go out and run errands is just too greatly in exhaustion. I’ve accepted I’m weak, alone, during mornings. That I don’t have the patience to get through the crying, or the need to run around the grocery store chasing a two year old with a baby in a double-stroller. Trust me, I’ve tried the giving them responsibilities and including them in the process. But why?! Why can’t I just grocery in peace. Thus, mos of the time I wait on J to get home from work to do all the errands I require to do. Aside from doctor appointments, or anything else that needs me to do it in the day.

I make the usual eggs, and spam (ham), for Artemis. She’s not a picky eater. She’ll usually want to opt for a Nutella sandwich like her brother, but I’m usually at good at redirecting her wants through voice changes (haha-winning). She’ll have a choice of oatmeal, eggs and spam, or something of left overs she’s filipino enough to have without overthinking the idea of it’s breakfast, these are not breakfast foods.

I then clean up.
I sweep the floor, wash the dishes from the morning, the bottles from the night before, and put away dishes.

9:15 a.m.

The girls take some time to play.
They do this, while I multitask on social media. Whether that means, I check notifications, emails, comments, write, or just browse.

10:30 – 11:30 a.m.

I get the girls to nap. Usually it takes only 15 minutes to get them to sleep, on a good day. If not, it does take the hour to.

11:30 a.m.

I continue finishing up my stuff. Blogs, emails, etc..
I usually tidy up the house, take some time for myself, if I didn’t end up napping with the girls.

1:30 p.m.

Lunch. Clean-up, sweep, and ready to get their older brother from school.

2:30 p.m. 

We head to the school to wait for about an hour, because parking by the fence is easier with the girls without having to take them out of the car to get him from the confinement of the school. It’s hard to get parking by the fence, if you’ve come past 3 p.m.

3:30 p.m.

Apollo is out. We head home and they have snack. Apollo does homework. Nap for the girls.

4:00 p.m. – 5:30 p.m.

I begin making dinner. Prep, cook, and feed the kids. Apollo showers.

5:30 p.m. 

We relax. Well the kids relax.

6:30 p.m. – bedtime

J gets home, and he has dinner. Then it’s time with their dad. If I need to go run errands, I leave after everyone has eaten dinner and is just taking some time to relax. It could be a hockey game watching time, while the girls play, while Apollo gets an hour of screen time. by 7:30 p.m. he gets ready for bed. By 8:00 p.m. he’s in bed. This may be time for tag in terms of him coming out of his room, going back, until he finally falls asleep.

After getting back, I usually do all the dishes that were left after cooking, and eating. I put away any groceries I might have bought. I put a load or two in the wash. I tidy up the kitchen, the play area, get the girls ready for bed and all the bottles ready for the night.

Everyone on most nights is in bed and asleep by 11:00p.m. I take the time after to shower, read through contents online to influence or help me with my blog. I either write, or email back, or anything else I want to do for myself.

12:30 a.m. or 1:00 a.m. 

When I go to sleep.

 

In between these times, there are obviously diaper changes. Somebody at some point was sick. Someone at some point, exploded out of their diapers and I’m washing them up, their pooped-on clothes, and everything in between. There’s the constant fighting, tugging between each other for toys, and everything you can imagine above all the needs and have to’s. 16299789_10154809117160619_2981849759241851080_o

 

 

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