May: Mental Health Awareness Month

May is an observed month for Mental Health Awareness in the United States since 1949. 

 

Though I am not a citizen of America, I share the experience of Mental Illness with the whole world. And sharing my experience is an important point I’d like to advocate for on my blog. 

• Mental Health Awareness week is May 1st – May 7th in Canada.
• The statistics in Canada for women who reported going through postpartum depression is 7.5%.

 

 

 

 

If you are not a follower of my blog, I want you to know that I suffer from Postpartum Depression & Anxiety, OCD that I recently just discovered. The statistics in Canada for women who reported going through postpartum depression is 7.5%. That’s not a huge number in terms of reports of women having it. I say this because, it is not an illness that women/men openly talk about, but this is a very common and unexpected illness that most new parents and parents in general experience in first few years.

Having shared my initial experience of finding out I have it, was a struggle on its own but the outpouring support from the community of bloggers have mostly mentioned how this is not a common topic talked enough about. There isn’t much light being brought to raise awareness of this illness. Just like anyone would be concerned about cancer, this too is an illness that cannot be controlled and should gain the concern it requires.

 

Its an illness that that hides inside of the person and finds itself free to attack the person at any unexpected moment. 

 

What makes it even worse is the fact that it’s a mental health illness. Just say mental health in your head again, and what comes to mind? A person with an unstable mind? A person who is capable of bad things because they’re not all there, up there? A person who cannot perform their usual duties as a citizen or an individual because their brain cannot function like a ‘normal person’? That’s the stigma talking. That’s also the stigma stuck in my head when I first thought about what it would be like to share this with others.

FEAR!

Individuals who experience some sort of Mental Illness, struggle internally to share in words that would allow the receiver to understand.  The truth is, most individuals who experience mental illness cannot always find the words to say without sounding like they are ‘crazy’. Your mind plays tricks on you. You’re not really sure why you’re thinking, what you’re thinking–why you’re irrational, emotional and absolutely out of character.  Well it’s a chemical imbalance. Your emotions are all out of whack, even though the issue is with your brain that’s mostly, usually realistic, rational, and stern; with mental illness, none of that is how it’s supposed to be.

 

Mental illness is not something anyone just fixes for the person suffering. It is not an illness that the individual can just brush off and everything returns to ‘normal’.
It is an illness that cannot be helped (I repeat this because for those who don’t know this is a common misconception). 

There are a lot of people who choose to be ignorant about mental illness. Those people who have never experienced it with someone they love or for themselves.  People who don’t care enough about the importance of why this illness matters enough to be talked about. Sure back then (40’s, 50’s, maybe early 60’s) this isn’t a thing to be sharing with the world. It means you got sent to an institution because they didn’t have a solution for this. And what they did have for it was more pain. 

“Well, here’s the thing..you have to really think outside of your ass in order to really understand this. You’re not going to find it in there. This is just as important to understand as anything else that threatens the value of life.”

 

Mental illness doesn’t just affect the person who has it but also those dearest to their heart. It affects families. The challenges of this illness takes a tole on each individual members of a family. The tole of this illness is the very thing that makes the feeling of guilt ever so present in motherhood.

HAVING CHILDREN IS NOT THE MAIN CAUSE OF THIS ILLNESS! 

There are several factors to why an individual finds themselves with this illness. The majority of women I have been able to connect with who suffer from this illness has openly shared the traces of their sickness reaching back to before they even had children. Having children is one of the factors that contributes at a later time in life, but it is an illness that roots from past experiences. Yes it can be from the sudden change of life experiences, in motherhood but for the most part this illness is traced from what’s already happened that the individual has fought to shove in a box, in the back of their minds. It can be hereditary. Something you didn’t know runs in your family bloodline. For someone who’s not aware of her roots, this is something I cannot trace back to roots. One thing I am certain of though is that, I’ve a lot of pent up anger that roots from my childhood that I kept in an box inside, far back that has now found its way creeping in on top of all the other stressor accompanying motherhood. 

If you know anyone who appears to be having a hard time emotionally, please offer to listen. Don’t judge or start diagnosing someone of what YOU THINK the problem is, but rather provide resources of different types of help they can seek professionally that may more helpful. 
There are a ton of people, communities who advocate for the awareness of this illness and mental illness in general. Please educate yourself if you’re uncertain of what mental illness is and how it affects a person. Don’t be ignorant. Don’t be judgemental because I can guarantee you, this is not my choice! No one wants to suffer emotionally and psychologically.

 

 

MM

How My Postpartum Depression Affects My Son

 

This post is probably going to make you feel all sorts of things. It’s probably going to make you want to judge me on how cruel or mean I am as a mom. Maybe you’ll find it in your heart to understand how this is a struggle for me, something that breaks my heart on the daily, something I have felt so guilty and have cried an ocean about. But I’m going to share this with you, because I don’t think many people understand the extent or the vastness of Postpartum Depression and how it effects the actual person and the people she loves the most. 

 

My Son

 

My son is eight. When I first had him, I was twenty-one. I remember the day I went into labour, and feeling afraid. Apollo being my first child, I was afraid of how it was all going to happen. If I could do it. If I was prepared to give birth to a baby. If I was prepared to have a child. All the things you’re supposed to have thought about prior, came flooding in and all I could think about was, “WHY DIDN’T I READ THOSE BABY BOOKS?!” As if I was gonna find the drugs to ease the pain from labour, or get the doctor who needs to administer the epidural out of the operation room faster, because by the time I opted for epidural I was already exhausted from the contractions.

This isn’t a birth story, so lets fast forward to after he was finally sucked out of my hoo-ha to help me get him out, because I sure was not going to have a c-section. I made sure of that, I’m pretty sure I yelled that to the doctor! “Get this baby out of my vagina, however you need to, as long as it comes out from down there and not my stomach!”

He ended up having a fever after he came out, he didn’t even cry. Such a brave boy! I didn’t even know he was out, until my mother-in-law said, “Why are you still crying, he’s already over there!” I had felt so exhausted from it all, I couldn’t deal with how I felt about the guilt that my child ended up with a cone head because of the vacuums’ suction, or the fact that he has a fever now, because I ended up getting a fever towards the end of my delivery. How my weakness transferred to my son, and how he was going to spend the rest of his life having this bad trait from me.

Apollo Kai

“As Bright as The Sun and as Deep as The Ocean”

The focus of this post is to share with you how my postpartum depression experience has effected Apollo the most, in comparison to his sisters who are too young to understand or to allow the effects to consume them. It isn’t to say that it hasn’t effected anyone in my house less, but I feel like my postpartum depression has effected my relationship with Apollo the most, since it began before he had any siblings.

 

Apollo is the sweetest boy, he is kind, gentle-hearted, loving, fun, rambunctious, hyper, helpful, sensitive, and likes to keep his emotions to himself.

 

It has been super hard coping with postpartum depression, even with the medication the doctor has prescribed (It has yet to work, or not working at all), one in which I can only take when there is another adult to watch the kids because it makes me super sleepy and tired. Well I don’t ever get to use that one because I am never with another adult until around six in the evening or later. So during the day when my anxiety is high and unmanageable, I cannot take anything to help me take the edge off. We have no family and friends around to help because they are all three and a half hours away.

Before I acknowledged or even figured out something was wrong with me, I had spent the last few years feeling like I hated my son, because of the way I treated him. I was easy to anger, easy to yell, every little thing upset me. My OCD effected the way I mothered him, constantly on him for every little thing. “Pick-up your sweater!” “Stop jumping all over the place!” “Calm down!” And slowly it would make us drift.

 

“Do I not love him the same, anymore?”

 

Slowly our relationship struggled. I was always upset with him. He was always in trouble at school from not being able to socially align his personality (he’s medically assessed to be a gifted child) with the way other children are. I was always yelling at him for everything!

I wasn’t doing any better being the way I was with him. I could recall how I would cry and stand up for him when we were having trouble at school when he was in Kindergarten. I remember I would remind him how he wasn’t the problem and that the school was. Then that shifted a bit before Arty (my second child) was born.

 

I would cry every time I lost it with him. The guilt would over power me and I would drift into this hole, that even I can’t figure a way out of. I hated myself. I hated that I wasn’t the mom I used to be. I hated that the way I loved him changed. I hate that every little thing was so hard. I hated that I could no longer connect with my son.

“I hated that I was a terrible mother!”

 

I love him more than anything in this world! This, I know! This, I feel. But it feels like however Postpartum Depression is effecting me, it’s making my love for Apollo weak. Weak enough, that I am not the mom he used to adore! I am no longer the mom that would give him the benefit of the doubt first, who would never second-guess him, who never had an ounce of distrust! I stood up for him, no matter what! I cried for him, when he was sad, and he felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

 

NOW…
It feels like, he’s drifted from me. It feels like he doesn’t have to talk to me about anything at all because I won’t listen, or I’m always too busy, or I’m always upset. He no longer sits with me and cuddles me, because he feels like I’m so cold to him. He no longer hugs me with sincerity because he feels I’ve changed. He no longer gives me kisses, because kisses mean you have a connection.

Postpartum Depression is the worst thing I have ever experienced as a mother. It effects every bit of you. You cannot control it. You cannot just make it go away. AS MUCH, as you tell yourself to get yourself together and stop it, YOU CAN’T! It effects you emotionally and physically. It effects the people you love the most. It effects your decision making, it effects your mood, it effects your happiness, IT EFFECTS WHO YOU ARE! I don’t know how else to explain how Postpartum Depression has changed me. Or how much it has effected my family, especially my son. 

But, What I do know is this…
I will get through this. Postpartum Depression will not have me, forever. Postpartum Depression will not take me away from my son, no matter how much it tears me apart. Postpartum Depression will not break my relationship(s) to point, where I cannot get them back. I will fight with all of me, to get better and beat this thing! I will do whatever it takes to fix my relationship with my son, with so much love, that this thing cannot find a loop hole in. I will fight this! I will take my soul back!

 

I.LOVE.YOU. MORE THAN IT SEEMS, MORE THAN IT WEIGHS, MORE THAN MY LIFE.  I WILL GET US BACK!

 

 

 

MM, out!

My Open-letter to J <3

It has been very challenging for us lately. I don’t know if ‘challenging’ even comes close to expressing what we’re going through. The turbulence in our life as of late has us, struggling to figure our way through, but I know we’ll get through it because I have you. 

You have been my strength lately, the crutch that gets me through the day, the voice that sees me through the moments. You’re the creases that form my smile, the laughter in my sorrow. You’re the reassurance in my doubts, the comfort in my falls. You’re the one who heals my heart when its broken, and the life that continues to give when mine is low. 

Thank you for being there. Thank you for being silent when all is loud. Thank you for the constant reminder that in all of this, I always have you.

MM, out!

4 tips on Keeping your Significant other in The Loop

As a SAHM who has a very busy husband-to-be that spends more than 10 hrs away per day, it can sometimes be stressful to keep each other in the loop of what’s happening with our three kids, and each other. I dont mean if someone sneezed should he know or if someone pooped 3x in 2 hrs. 

Keeping each other updated on doctor appointments, events at school for our school-aged son, my doctor appointments, the hubbys travel for work schedule, visitors, extended family events, dental appointmentd, check-ups for the girls, organized sports, and everything in between.

This is what works for us

WhatsApp 

On the daily, I would usually video call him twice. Once in the morning for the girls to say hello (because they miss him and still don’t understant what ‘he’s at work’ means), and for me to mention whether or not the our son has gone to school. In this time I updated him on anything for that day that will be happening. It could be doctor appointments for check-ups for any of us or an event at school for the oldest. 
I video call him again in the afternoon to update on how appointments went, any important results that require immediate knowledge and for him to have a chat with the oldest about school and other stuff. 

We rely on whatsapp to call, text, or video call (which is btw a new feature). He works in the united states, and we live in Canada. He travels to and from daily over the border to work. While he does have an American cellphone..I don’t. So the cost to call him would be crazy. We don’t need a long distance plan because its not worth it for us. There are tons of apps that one can use with wifi or using your mobile data service. He still has a canadian phone obviously for being home during vacation, evenings and weekends. 

Google Calendar (shared)

My hubby to be is not really a paper and pen type of guy for reminders, and with the way the the digital and technology world is booming, he loves good calendar. We share the google account, which is a personal one where we update on the regular as the schedules pop-up. There we’ll update dates and times for appointments we have for the kids, ourselves, and extended family events. He also includes important work schedules I need to be aware of. Because, he travels for work at times, it’s important for us to be aware of the time he’ll be gone and what important, scheduled appointments he may miss. This way we’re able to create a plan accordingly. 

Loose Paper Reminders

There are always loose papers on the kitchen island for him to look at when he gets home. It could be lose papers from school that our son brought home, sports he’d like to join, or events where I know his attendance is required. At times there also love notes, and pictures the kids have made for him to guess or scribbles for him to read. Guess which types of loose papers we enjoy keeping? 

Verbal Communication 

While there are a ton of apps that can help with keeping each other on lock with our family appointments, the old verbal communication is still key (where you’re only limited to 50 characters), in keeping each other on top of things 😉. This allows us to take the time to communicate to each other the extended details of appointments scheduled in our calendar. Its always better and recommended. 

Life with kids can get super chaotic, and keeping each other leveled with important information stored in an accessible organizer is how we’re able to keep our shit together as parents and partners.

How do you keep your partner in the loop?

MM, out! 

Making Goals as SAHM

I had recently read a blog by a fellow blogger (Shann Eva’s Blog) on her March Goals. She’s incorporated the goals she has yet to achieve with new ones she’s made, and the included short-term and long-term goals.

 

I find as a Stay-at-home-mom it’s so crucial to make goals for oneself. It’s so important to have something to work towards, because lord knows if you didn’t you’d just do this motherhood thing front, back, side, and front again. AND LETS BE HONEST, you can’t possibly just MAAAAAAAM all day, everyday, for as long as you’re living. I mean, it can’t all just be that! It doesn’t make you bad at motherhood or a bad mom at that, for wanting more! It doesn’t mean you can’t have other accomplishments,  other than birthing children (although that pretty much tops it all).

As moms, we accomplish tens and thousands of tasks all day. Well most of those tasks are not of ours. Not of anything we really want to do or want to be doing. It’s insane how much of us we pour into the lives that rely on us. I get it, we’re moms, I get it we’re supposed to because how else do we profess our eternal love for our children who is supposed to be our world and nothing else. Well, it makes me a rebellious mom, perhaps. I do what I want, on my own terms, based on my own ideas and understanding of motherhood.

 

 

I’m making monthly goals. That’s all!

Because March is almost done, and I’d rather start them at the beginning of the month, I’ll write this for April 2017.

 

April 2017

• work-out 4 times a week, for 40 mins a day.
• write in my journal daily with affirmations, negatives to positives, memories, moments, and fill a page at least (thorughout the day)
• say at least one good thing that I love about each member of my family-to them, everyday
• give myself an hour each day, to write in my journal in peace
• eat healthier meals and try not to skip eating
• try and smoke less
• learn some breathing excercises
• do one kind thing for someone, anyone, small, or big
• Take a few hours on the weekend to dedicate to writing scheduled blog posts
• Dedicate a time during the night to complete tasks for my blog page on facebook & for my blog site.
• TAKE A BREAK, daily
• Complete any wedding stuff every weekend

 

I will complete as many of these goals throughout the month, and whatever I don’t complete, I will add on to my next month’s monthly goal post. Let’s make each other accountable for what we want to achieve for ourselves!

I know it seems like another long list of tasks for you to complete, but this is for you. I promise it will make you feel good!

 

It will make [YOU] feel good!!

MM, out!

My top 3 Transitional Toys (from Babies to Early School-age)

There are those toys as moms that we keep during every spring cleaning fest we have. Toys we just can’t get rid of because our different aged children ranging from babies to early school-age (7 yo) still continue to play with.

My top 3 transitional toys:

Blocks

I have had these blocks, since Apollo was a toddler. I have kept them, year after year, and he continues to play with them even know at eight. We ended up adding to the set, for Artemis. She got a few sets as gifts on her first birthday, and her first Christmas. There is a bin (old art bin) full of blocks, and  an original bag that Apollo’s blocks came in. All I do is wash it once a month, with part water, and a few tablespoon of bleach. I wash it with warm water and soap first, and sanitize it with the water and bleach mix. I let it dry overnight, and make sure that there are no water left in the slots. Blocks are so versatile, that they can be utilized in different aspects of learning. 

Blocks can be used for sorting, counting, and colours, which encourages learning math. Blocks can also be incorporated with our toys like, toy soldiers who used them as structures to jump from, seats for dolls, tables for miniature toys, etc..

Blocks are great at any age! 

Pretend Toys – Food & Kitchen Utensils

Pretend play is a very big part of play in children. Children love to pretend-play with all sorts of toys, but one common toy that is used for every kind of pretend-play from baker and chef, to mommy and daddy picnics, to imitation of feeding babies are, food toys and kitchen utensils. It doesn’t get old. It continues to be played with, on a regular. Sometimes the kids even go through my drawers to use actual utensils, cups, plastic plates they use for eating. Food toys also contribute to school-age children in teaching them the types of food and what food family they belong in. I know having a picky eater, helps me in connecting the food he eats, with the toys he’s seen. Most of the time, after the food is cooked, and the kids weren’t part of the process, they wonder why the outcome looks so weird. Well utilizing the food toys as tangible examples (especially the ones that cut in half with pretend knives) makes it a little bit comforting for them. 

It’s definitely an awesome keep! 

Balls

We all know balls are universal. Anyone and everyone can keep them as long as they haven’t deflated. The collection of balls we have from the time Apollo could learn to just hold them, has tripled if not, more. From tennis balls, to soccer balls, to basketballs, to volleyballs, to balls that collect water for summer, to light-weight balls co-used with other toys, playing with balls are just great fun (back it up, you know what I meant), anytime.

Artemis is now into kicking it around, and she gets all these ideas and sees all these moves from her older brother, so having balls around are so perfect for gross-motor skills and active play. Artemis is learning to push the ball to Cassiopeia, where Cassiopeia then learns to stop it and picks it up or even chases it. These are all part of learning. From baby to school-age, balls provide learning for every step in their milestones. 

Children are able to utilize their motor skills according to the size of the ball, the weight of the ball, and eventually categorize the type of ball that it is. Promoting learning through physical activity. 

So, yes, I keep them as long as they’re in good condition.

There are a ton of other toys my kids love, and I’m sure your kids as well. The most important thing is keeping the ones that can grow with them and utilizing them regulary by incorporating them with other toys, and different types of play. 

 

What are some of the toys you keep on every big cleaning session, you do?

 

MM, out!

 

 

 

 

Whats the struggle

Someone had posted to find out what’s the one thing they struggle with, either as a parent, or with oneself. 

Here’s one of my struggles:

I HAVE A HARD TIME ADMITTING, I NEED HELP.

 

I have a hard time with admitting I need help with anything. I could be struggling so hard, but instead of me asking for help, I wait until I’ve given all my strengths and eventually losing my shit.

I have always been this way. That means, it carries through with my kids, as their mom. Because I fear being judged, and looking incapable, I refuse to take that route right from the get-go.

As a child, I had to do a lot of things alone. I had to help myself. Figure things out on my own. This in turn, leads you through life thinking nobody will help you. That everyone is claimed and everyone is already called for. I on the other hand, being adopted and having to fend for myself had to figure a lot on my own. Go through life thinking if I wanted something, I had to get it. If I needed anything, I had to do it for myself.

The truth is, 

In this exact moment, I realize how wrong I am. How much moments would have been spared from my craziness, if I had just ASKED FOR HELP.

There will always be people who judge you. There will always be people who cannot be bothered to help you. But there are good people. There are strangers, there are people you know, who care, and are willing to help you.

The key?

ASK!

 

MM, out!

Lets Get it, TOGETHER!

Alright, alright, settle down..

The kids are all finally asleep..im writing this from my phone so bear with me if it doesn’t come out esthetically correct (c’mon you’re here for more than that)…

Its been an exhausting three days, sort of half way through the week..but when you’re a stay-at-home-mom, the week ending and the weekend finally being here doesn’t really make much of a difference in my books. The only thing that gets a break is the drop-off, pick-up errand, everything else stays the same and more things get added on, like laundry!

Ugh, lots of friggin’ laundry! What in the heavens, did they strike a deal with the laundry god and he’s all bitter about some next dryer lover who broke his heart and now he punishes us moms with a mountain of laundry on a weekly basis? I personally am not the type to do a load a day..i feel like it drives me nuts, having to remember and forget the damn loads. So i prefer the weekends to dedicate to laundry..however many I get done on whatever day. All i know is it gets done. 

I also do major grocery shopping on the weekend..for all necessary lunches, meals, and whatever I’ve forgotten on my short-runs throughout the week. I go out during the week for small purchases like milk, eggs, bread, and produce. So the weekend is nice for stocked fridge! 

I have feel feeling extra beat this week, maybe because we had two of my kids birthday over the weekend, and the in-laws were over. I mean one night, almost 2 days is really not that long but its exhausting! I think because I’ve only ever fancied having people at my house, now that we could house extended persons, I’m not used to it. I mean my hands were nonestop under running faucet, and at the end of Saturday night, they were dry and hurting I couldn’t open a gatorade bottle. So leading into this week, i was already done before it could even start! 

So obviously you’re kinda seeing through my rant that this leads to a question someone else asked…

I am part of a few mom groups on facebook (yes, yes i am. Let me know if you want in *insert nose rub here*). I am because being a sahm is lonely at times and the only other adult conversations i have are done with my fingers (wait a second don’t take that the wrong way), even laughing because being able to share experiences, relate, get advice is all that easy and hard at the same time. 

So one of the members post: 

“I am a stay at home mom, in your opinion should the home maintenance load be shared with your husband if he’s working full time? Or should i take it all as my responsibility since i dont work? My husband is great at picking up after himself but thats usually all he does”

Some of the response in the first few were all summed-up to, “well my husband works 50-60 hr work weeks, and he plays with the kids” or “we made a deal before the baby that I’d stay home and he’d work” or “he works really long hours, so i do most of it and thats fine”…ok back it up for a second. I know that i’m as guilty as some of these women, defending my husband-to-be, enabling the idea that because he works that many hours a week, he’s exhausted and im the one who halfly volunteered to stay home because, i just had the baby but, it does not mean he is cut-off from all other responsibilities. 

I am one person, who wears many hats. Yes hunny, i understans your 11 hrs-12 hr shifts a day are super exhausting and draining. It all is in the type of job too..but i work 24hrs a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, with no benefits, no pay, no bonus, no paid time off, no vacation days. So I hope to god, you’ll find extra strength in you to help me around the house and with the kids after you get home. Of course, only if you love me enough. If not well i guess you’re just in this for insurance money. 

I disapprove of us women having to always defend our partners because we love them and our status in the workforce is “big heart, keep taking, i will always love you”. Please, do yourself a favour..love yourself first, understand to a degree that just because you’re the one already home it doesn’t mean everything else should fall on you! This is a partnership between two people who before kids, were considerate of each other, made sure they were ok emotionally, physically, and everything in between. 

If we as women do not fight for this as their ‘better half’ then we falter in our roles. We falter in our care for ourselves, because we burn out faster. We falter in our ability to lead with love and not resentment. We falter to forget our relationship and the bond that binds it because well at the end of everyday what is left of you, is the tiny spec on the wall that wasn’t covered by god knows what. That spec, thats tired, thats drained, that smell, thats lonely. There has to be a balance between the people who run a family. I’m not a single mom, i am in a relationship that nurtures my ability to love. Then if all the gods, in heaven agree, i must take care of those abilities by not grinding it down to the ground. 

I get it, we’re all entitled to view this sahm differently..but i have to put it out there. This is a partnership, whether it is i am the one at home full-time or vice versa. If working moms could still half-ass manage home too, then so can dads. Its the effort. Its the that part of the working individuals who have a family that remembers to fight for that still because this is not the cot damn 50’s! 

MM, out

Every Piece of You

There is without a doubt that motherhood takes a tole on everything that is you!
From your health, to your physical standing, to your emotional state, to your eating habits, to your washroom routine, to your sleeping routine, to everything else in between.

I don’t know how many times I’ve had carpal tunnel from the repetitive work of motherhood.

I don’t know how many times, I’ve missed meals from making sure my kids are fed, and whatever I have decided to eat instead..made it into their tummies and I’m not even mad about it. Sometimes, I sneak it into the bathroom by the kitchen because I don’t have a walk-in pantry that I can lock and my bathroom in my room, doesn’t lock..just so i can take a quick min to eat something. When i say quick, i mean quick before they noticed you’re gone. 

I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten sick from the germs they bring home, only to not get any rest time because, that’s not what motherhood is about (Am I right, or am I right moms)!

I don’t know how many times, I’ve had to sort of “forget” my emotions, or at least I think I’m forgetting it, only to seep in on times I’d rather not have it. AND I LOSE IT, every single time! 

I don’t ever take my washroom breaks seriously, because I always have a full audience, mischievously going through my monthly stacked of pads, make-up, and other things I store in a washroom/bathroom.

Don’t even get me started on sleeping. What is that? Who does this? 

Amidst all this that seem so hard to sacrifice on days when I literally wish I can just be alone for the rest of my life, my precious children who drive me nuts on the daily, are everything I can ever ask for in life. The blessing, to be their mother, their friend, their provider, their protector, the teacher of love, understanding, care, and everything we moms are responsible for on the daily, is everything I could ever want out of my life.

I am always grateful, and thankful for being able to be a mom and have the opportunity to have my own little mini-me’s to live life and to be my legacies, if nothing more.

 

MM

 

Becoming MRS

Most of the ones who know J and I, know we’re merely Common Law partners. We have been together for the last ten years. In ten years, we’ve managed to complete goals together like post-secondary while have a toddler, and then another within that five year. In ten years, we’ve also been blessed with three kids. Above all, we’ve gone through and have surpassed most of the challenges that life has thrown at us.

We are anything but a typical couple, from the way we show we care and love each other, to how we allow others to perceive us as individuals and as partners through this life. We didn’t always think of marriage. The marriage talk didn’t come until much later in our relationship. It wasn’t because we didn’t think it was important or something we’d ever do. It was just something we didn’t feel was right for us, as soon as we had our first child. I guess you could say we’re a bit backwards with life’s events.

He recently proposed to me a couple of months ago, with Wonder Woman’s tiara from Mcdonalds, as he laid on the floor of the playroom, and our two younger ones circling around us. It was perfect in it’s own way. A much subtle proposal as I had asked of him. I didn’t want a huge, extravagant, extra kind of proposal. I am not the type of girl that dreamed of this one day, or played dress-up imagining my wedding day with my prince charming. It was perfect in all of it’s way!

July is the big day, and I am as excited as someone who marriage is the first step into being adult. I am excited because we finally get to explore this chapter of our relationship where I become Mrs, and he my legal husband.

We will be having a civil wedding, with 33 guests, along with our three beautiful children. I am so happy that my children get to be part of this day.

It’s crazy how life rolls on through. Being one who never saw this coming, it gives me such an amazing feeling to become his wife, even though we’ve got ten years, and three kids under our belt already.

Anyone else, was, is, in the future, in the same position?

MM