Here Comes Eleven!

Eleven Years, Happy for Eleven

In eleven days, J and I will take each other’s hands, look into each other’s eyes and profess to each other, just for each other what this new milestone in each of our lives mean.

Ten Years Together – 2017 Engagement

First Photo Together

 

In eleven days, it will be the eleventh year that we have said yes, everyday to each other. It will be eleven years that we have been in each other’s lives, helping one another through life. It will be eleven years of friendship. Eleven years of trial & error, learning, and understanding each other. 

 

We have gone through eleven years of fun, eating trips, shopping, movies, and down time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It took me twenty-nine years to find someone who I can call mine. Twenty-nine years, to find someone who can tolerate the imbalance of my nature. Twenty-nine years to find someone who loves me for who I am, and not what he chooses to love of me. Twenty-nine years, for me to realize that while it’s easy for me to give love, it is a lot harder to receive it. But when you have been with someone for eleven years, that person teaches you to love yourself so you can receive love.

 

 

 

Different Individuals, One in The Same

 

It has been a roller-coster ride with J. From becoming young parents at twenty-one and twenty-three, not knowing how to be together and raise another, to learning together how to be adults, how to be parents, and how see our differences and how it strengthens us, together.

 

 

It wasn’t all easy. 

As time went, we understood what it meant to be ourselves, and how that bonded us together. It allowed us to give freely to each other, provide limits, and to understand where we stood as individuals, to keep us grounded. It wasn’t all easy. But we said yes each time, anyway.

“We grew together. We experienced life on our own, together. We learned from one another, and found ways to push each other. “

What I Have Learned These Last Ten Years…

You won’t alnways see eye-to-eye in everything. You won’t always understand each other, in the exact moments you need to. Things won’t ever be perfect. You will be you, and he will be him. But however each of you make it in the end, is a testimony that your faith always led you back together.

We don’t agree on everything. We DO fight. We don’t make decisions alike, but we always know when to find each other. 

 

To more years of doing things together, loving one another, looking at each other with laughter, finding fun with each other, and raising three little rascals, together!

“Here’s to looking at you, kid!”

 

 

 

MM, out!

 

 

Lets Get it, TOGETHER!

Alright, alright, settle down..

The kids are all finally asleep..im writing this from my phone so bear with me if it doesn’t come out esthetically correct (c’mon you’re here for more than that)…

Its been an exhausting three days, sort of half way through the week..but when you’re a stay-at-home-mom, the week ending and the weekend finally being here doesn’t really make much of a difference in my books. The only thing that gets a break is the drop-off, pick-up errand, everything else stays the same and more things get added on, like laundry!

Ugh, lots of friggin’ laundry! What in the heavens, did they strike a deal with the laundry god and he’s all bitter about some next dryer lover who broke his heart and now he punishes us moms with a mountain of laundry on a weekly basis? I personally am not the type to do a load a day..i feel like it drives me nuts, having to remember and forget the damn loads. So i prefer the weekends to dedicate to laundry..however many I get done on whatever day. All i know is it gets done. 

I also do major grocery shopping on the weekend..for all necessary lunches, meals, and whatever I’ve forgotten on my short-runs throughout the week. I go out during the week for small purchases like milk, eggs, bread, and produce. So the weekend is nice for stocked fridge! 

I have feel feeling extra beat this week, maybe because we had two of my kids birthday over the weekend, and the in-laws were over. I mean one night, almost 2 days is really not that long but its exhausting! I think because I’ve only ever fancied having people at my house, now that we could house extended persons, I’m not used to it. I mean my hands were nonestop under running faucet, and at the end of Saturday night, they were dry and hurting I couldn’t open a gatorade bottle. So leading into this week, i was already done before it could even start! 

So obviously you’re kinda seeing through my rant that this leads to a question someone else asked…

I am part of a few mom groups on facebook (yes, yes i am. Let me know if you want in *insert nose rub here*). I am because being a sahm is lonely at times and the only other adult conversations i have are done with my fingers (wait a second don’t take that the wrong way), even laughing because being able to share experiences, relate, get advice is all that easy and hard at the same time. 

So one of the members post: 

“I am a stay at home mom, in your opinion should the home maintenance load be shared with your husband if he’s working full time? Or should i take it all as my responsibility since i dont work? My husband is great at picking up after himself but thats usually all he does”

Some of the response in the first few were all summed-up to, “well my husband works 50-60 hr work weeks, and he plays with the kids” or “we made a deal before the baby that I’d stay home and he’d work” or “he works really long hours, so i do most of it and thats fine”…ok back it up for a second. I know that i’m as guilty as some of these women, defending my husband-to-be, enabling the idea that because he works that many hours a week, he’s exhausted and im the one who halfly volunteered to stay home because, i just had the baby but, it does not mean he is cut-off from all other responsibilities. 

I am one person, who wears many hats. Yes hunny, i understans your 11 hrs-12 hr shifts a day are super exhausting and draining. It all is in the type of job too..but i work 24hrs a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, with no benefits, no pay, no bonus, no paid time off, no vacation days. So I hope to god, you’ll find extra strength in you to help me around the house and with the kids after you get home. Of course, only if you love me enough. If not well i guess you’re just in this for insurance money. 

I disapprove of us women having to always defend our partners because we love them and our status in the workforce is “big heart, keep taking, i will always love you”. Please, do yourself a favour..love yourself first, understand to a degree that just because you’re the one already home it doesn’t mean everything else should fall on you! This is a partnership between two people who before kids, were considerate of each other, made sure they were ok emotionally, physically, and everything in between. 

If we as women do not fight for this as their ‘better half’ then we falter in our roles. We falter in our care for ourselves, because we burn out faster. We falter in our ability to lead with love and not resentment. We falter to forget our relationship and the bond that binds it because well at the end of everyday what is left of you, is the tiny spec on the wall that wasn’t covered by god knows what. That spec, thats tired, thats drained, that smell, thats lonely. There has to be a balance between the people who run a family. I’m not a single mom, i am in a relationship that nurtures my ability to love. Then if all the gods, in heaven agree, i must take care of those abilities by not grinding it down to the ground. 

I get it, we’re all entitled to view this sahm differently..but i have to put it out there. This is a partnership, whether it is i am the one at home full-time or vice versa. If working moms could still half-ass manage home too, then so can dads. Its the effort. Its the that part of the working individuals who have a family that remembers to fight for that still because this is not the cot damn 50’s! 

MM, out

Every Piece of You

There is without a doubt that motherhood takes a tole on everything that is you!
From your health, to your physical standing, to your emotional state, to your eating habits, to your washroom routine, to your sleeping routine, to everything else in between.

I don’t know how many times I’ve had carpal tunnel from the repetitive work of motherhood.

I don’t know how many times, I’ve missed meals from making sure my kids are fed, and whatever I have decided to eat instead..made it into their tummies and I’m not even mad about it. Sometimes, I sneak it into the bathroom by the kitchen because I don’t have a walk-in pantry that I can lock and my bathroom in my room, doesn’t lock..just so i can take a quick min to eat something. When i say quick, i mean quick before they noticed you’re gone. 

I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten sick from the germs they bring home, only to not get any rest time because, that’s not what motherhood is about (Am I right, or am I right moms)!

I don’t know how many times, I’ve had to sort of “forget” my emotions, or at least I think I’m forgetting it, only to seep in on times I’d rather not have it. AND I LOSE IT, every single time! 

I don’t ever take my washroom breaks seriously, because I always have a full audience, mischievously going through my monthly stacked of pads, make-up, and other things I store in a washroom/bathroom.

Don’t even get me started on sleeping. What is that? Who does this? 

Amidst all this that seem so hard to sacrifice on days when I literally wish I can just be alone for the rest of my life, my precious children who drive me nuts on the daily, are everything I can ever ask for in life. The blessing, to be their mother, their friend, their provider, their protector, the teacher of love, understanding, care, and everything we moms are responsible for on the daily, is everything I could ever want out of my life.

I am always grateful, and thankful for being able to be a mom and have the opportunity to have my own little mini-me’s to live life and to be my legacies, if nothing more.

 

MM

 

When blood is not thicker than water.

Have you ever heard of that saying within the family, “Blood is thicker than water”?
How often in families does that line fail? This line means nothing to me. My adoptive family, literally sticks to this saying. Being adopted, this doesn’t apply to me. But the funny thing is, it’s a two-way street with this line. So I’m going to say, this line is absolutely nonsense.

I realized, as I got older how much the word FAMILY, applies to anyone willing to treat you, and take you into their lives. Family doesn’t mean, just the same blood that runs through your veins. Family is whoever is willing to include you in their lives. Who’s willing to understand where you are in your life. What you have in common, so that getting through life is a little bit easier, together. Family are the friends you make. Family are the people who you meet, and become close to. Family isn’t just blood.

I often think about how sad I am, with those I’ve lost through the years. Whether it be we drifted, or we no longer had our lives aligned. But the thing with that is, you learn from those experiences. You learn that as much as they were a part of your family at one point, time, experience, and life itself finds a way to diminish what used to be. When one becomes too comfortable in their relationships, there’s no longer that light that kindles your relationships. and soars to greatness. It becomes stale. It becomes predictable. It all becomes boring, and eventually it falls apart. I’m not saying being comfortable is a bad thing. But, I am saying when one relies on having their relationships flourish through comfortability, it becomes repetitive.

I’m thankful for the relationships I’ve managed to have through the years. I don’t expect to keep my family small. I know that as time passes, as I get older, more people will come into my life. They will dance, they will drink, they will play a part in my life. I also know that, through time, I will have moments when letting go is important. When those people have given and taken from me, they will move-on and provide that definition of “Family” to someone else. It’s all a cycle, you see.

Define Family

Anyway, I need a snack..

“Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who LOVE YOU no matter what.”

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Apollo // Artemis // Cassiopeia 

My everything, in one photo.

Tomorrows’ Sunshine.

For the sake of memories. For the sake of being able to scream, and daily, confess the love for the blessings of being a mom.

For as long as I can remember, I wasn’t a celebrated child. I didn’t have birthday parties, every year, nor had one because I meant a lot to someone. I had a couple that i recall; for the sake of photos that’ll eventually find its way to my adopted father, elsewhere in the world. I wasn’t treasured, the way you treasure someone, with tangible memories like photographs, or letters, or daily blogs of confessions about how much they are loved and cared for.

I celebrated everyone’s birthday, sang for them, showed up for them, and made them feel special. But the birthdays that were mine can be counted in one hand for the times anyone cared enough to feel special. 

I wasn’t fussed over. I wasn’t valued. I wasn’t worth enough, for anyone to claim me. I wasn’t enough, for someone to ‘keep’ me. No one cried for me. No one hurt for me. No one would have given their life for me, the way you do when you love someone so much.

Because of this…

I am one of those individuals, who flood your Facebook news feed, instagram, twitter, and tumblr, of photographs, status’, notes, and shared articles about my children; about having children; about being a mom; about the struggle of being a parent; about the chaos of marriage, and everything in between. I AM THAT INDIVIDUAL, because I want to be able to look back at the memories I’ve built with my family. I want my children to be able to find these memories when they’ve grown, and one day they’ll wonder what, who, how, why, they are who they are. It isn’t merely for the sake of bombarding others, or attempting to show I’m better than anyone, or that my family values are better than yours. I do this for me. I do this for the legacy of my family . I do this so that my children will remember to value what is most important in our family, each other. I do this so that they remember what it means to fight for those you love, to always give heart, to always be humble, to find meaning in real life, and so much more.

One day my children will have questions. One day they’ll wonder about all sorts, one day these memories will become reminders, it may bring us together when time is distant, or when our minds have found heart elsewhere. It will rekindle deeper appreciation for one another when that is lost or forgotten, it may be a light that helps redefine relationships in each of our lives, maybe it’ll help recall values, or find comfort, bring smiles, provide happy tears, but one thing for certain, it will always bind us together, always and forever.

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This Christmas marks Arty’s first one. First tree, first decorating tradition, first time putting the tree topper with J, first time seeing all the lights, and ornaments, first time marking one of the traditions we’ve always had in our family, for Arty.

It’s an amazing feeling.