It has been quite hard on J and me lately. We’ve found ourselves misunderstanding each other, and unable to find the string that connects us. It’s not rare for these moments to occur, especially when you’re parenting three kids, tending to life on the daily, and crossing off responsibilities on the constant. It’s very hard for J and me to have a moment alone. We don’t ever get the chance to go on dates, alone, or have a moment to hear ourselves converse. It gets tricky when you have children (I’m sure you can all relate to this).
Well? What happens when you’ve had just enough of parenting, and you try to find each other through the dirt, the mess, and the chaos of being parents? You sometimes don’t. So I guess, that’s what’s happening with us. We’re getting all our times mixed-up, and our priorities for each other lost.
I miss him. I see him everyday. We don’t ever get to cuddle anymore. The kids are always occupying the space between us. I wanna tell him secrets. The kids will hear. I miss holding him, as I fall asleep. Arty’s taken my spot, and the arm I used to cling to.
He mentioned we should get a babysitter or a nanny, so we could go out. I spent ten minutes after that telling him with anxiety how terrible I feel about it. I couldn’t imagine leaving my kids with a stranger, because I want a moment to myself. That’s the thing. I don’t know what I’m willing to give up. I feel like the juggle can only be done by me. The feeling of leaving the kids with a total stranger, just boggles my mind. I couldn’t. What if something happens to my babies? Why shouldn’t I be the first to be there, if they ever got hurt. What if that stranger is bad? Ugh. What am I willing to give up for a couple of ours of J & M-time?
My heart feels a little heavy lately. I can’t seem to find the string that connects J and me. It bothers me because we’re important too.
Any words of wisdom?
xo, MM
Author: mommyingmaars
Maria, author of Imommy blog. Maria has three children, Apollo (8), Artemis (2), and Cassiopeia (1). She is due to marry her best friend July 2017. Maria used to be a Registered Early Childhood Educator, before having her second child. She is now a SAHM, that is not paid for wearing many other professional hats. She is, and not limited to some of these professional positions: Doctor, Nurse, Nanny, Chef, Maid, Uber Driver, and so on.. When she isn't mothering or tending to all her other unlicensed professional positions, she loves writing and dancing. She is a previous ballroom and latin competitor. Some of her favourite "stuff" are, turtles/turtoises, the colour green (lime - forest), Laneige's Sleeping mask, make-up, and eating (food is her most favourite self-care aspect). Maria is also currently writing a book on her autobiography, which has been ongoing for the last few years, she's certain she'll eventually finish if she could just get over the hump of emotions attached to exploring oneself. As you read Maria's blogs, you'll get a feel of the true individual that she is, which can sometimes be a fine line of crazy and sweet, but not too sweet. Maria hopes you'll enjoy her blog as she does talking in her head to herself as her fingers skim through the letters on her keyboard.
A message from Maria;
I do not intend to use my writing to impose or tell you how motherhood should be done. I am no pro at this, and find as I share my wisdom from my experiences, that it shall uncover parts of your heart that find it relatable. My posts aren't always consistent in writing, but it is meant for you to to take in as it is. Find it humurous, sad, lonely, or helpful. Whatever it is you take from it, it only means one thing.. that I have found a place in your mind for those few minutes you dedicated to reading my crap. Thank you for being here, for giving me the chance to share my thoughts.
Please return, and remember all written materials and photos on this site, is not to be taken without permission.
xo, MM
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I,Mommy 
You need to put your marriage before your kids. HIRE A BABYSITTER! Your child will be fine without you for a couple of hours. I shed a few tears the first time I left my baby girl, but I knew she was in good hands. With that said, to help with anxiety, find a sitter you can trust. Ask for references and their experience. We only have 2 babysitters, both of which work in daycares, so they have tons of experience with babies, which made us comfortable leaving our daughter with them.
Next, take care of yourself, see a therapist. Therapy will help you figure out a balance in your life and will help with your anxiety.
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Oh this is so familiar. My husband and I had a big discussion about this the other day. The kids always end up in the space between us at night, and there is so much going on that even though I actually see him it’s not the same as spending time together. We are making a conscious effort to have a ‘date night’ in the house at least once a week. Wine and movie nights, or curry and a box set. We are also making the effort to hug and touch more, that might sound silly, but for me, an extra few hugs throughout the day make us feel much closer. I hope you find a way to connect soon. Knowing you want to makes a difference though I think, otherwise you just go through life like that and you don’t realise you’re growing apart. Sending you lots of good vibes! x
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I love this! Thank you for sharing! I totally agree ‘touch’ is so important to feel connected.
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Have you read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? It is incredible. Definitely a start.
Also personal counseling will make quite a difference in helping you through the anxiety.
Maybe quality time as a group with the kids will help, too. Away from phones and distractions.
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I constantly fight with the struggle of wanting to go out with my husband but not feeling guilty leaving my son behind on weekends. Those are the only days I am at home all day and I feel like a horrible mom for doing so. But with anything, we have to find balance. My husband and I will take little breaks every few weeks when we go get massages and then go to the store near by the spa … its about 2 hours but its glorious 2 hours haha.
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Thats really nice!
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My husband and I seem to go through ebbs and flows constantly where we’re great and then we’re not and then we’re awesome and then we are fighting. I work to try to really appreciate those times were good/great/awesome so I have them to fall back on when we’re going through a not so great time. I think it’s just a normal part of marriage!
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Ugh I’m so glad it’s not just me. I already feel like a failure of a mom most of the time.. and failing in my marriage is something that would break me. Thanks for sharing with me!
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it must be hard to feel like things have changed in your relationship. I hope you get some time alone soon and don’t forget that you do need your own time without the kids x
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I posted this a while back and things have improved. But I’m certain its always a ‘work in progress’ when you have kids.
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Stay strong, mama! Every couple goes through something like this, so you’re not alone. Having a baby puts a strain on even the best relationships. That’s why it’s so important to make time for each other. Even if it’s just an hour or so after baby goes to sleep.
But also don’t feel guilty about taking some time for yourself and your husband! Your relationship with him is just as important as taking care of your baby. ❤
When I was a first time mom, it was soooo hard for me to leave my daughter with anyone else. But if you can find a relative or friend you trust to watch her for just a few hours, take it! Your sanity and your marriage demands it! It's gonna be hard at first. You're going to be worrying every second you're away (I'm just being honest) but the important thing is that you do it for your man. You both need to remember where the love began 🙂
If you need ideas, check this out: http://kandyapplemama.com/love-language-dates/
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So true!! Thanks ill check it out. ☺
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