When Peanut Butter hits the fan

It has been quite hard on J and me lately. We’ve found ourselves misunderstanding each other, and unable to find the string that connects us. It’s not rare for these moments to occur, especially when you’re parenting three kids, tending to life on the daily, and crossing off responsibilities on the constant. It’s very hard for J and me to have a moment alone. We don’t ever get the chance to go on dates, alone, or have a moment to hear ourselves converse. It gets tricky when you have children (I’m sure you can all relate to this).

Well? What happens when you’ve had just enough of parenting, and you try to find each other through the dirt, the mess, and the chaos of being parents? You sometimes don’t. So I guess, that’s what’s happening with us. We’re getting all our times mixed-up, and our priorities for each other lost.

I miss him. I see him everyday. We don’t ever get to cuddle anymore. The kids are always occupying the space between us. I wanna tell him secrets. The kids will hear. I miss holding him, as I fall asleep. Arty’s taken my spot, and the arm I used to cling to.

He mentioned we should get a babysitter or a nanny, so we could go out. I spent ten minutes after that telling him with anxiety how terrible I feel about it. I couldn’t imagine leaving my kids with a stranger, because I want a moment to myself. That’s the thing. I don’t know what I’m willing to give up. I feel like the juggle can only be done by me. The feeling of leaving the kids with a total stranger, just boggles my mind. I couldn’t. What if something happens to my babies? Why shouldn’t I be the first to be there, if they ever got hurt. What if that stranger is bad? Ugh. What am I willing to give up for a couple of ours of J & M-time?

My heart feels a little heavy lately. I can’t seem to find the string that connects J and me. It bothers me because we’re important too.

Any words of wisdom?

 

xo, MM

Belle River

Remember at the end of last year when I mentioned that, there are a ton of changes to happen this year?

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The first of the amazing things to look forward to this year was the birth of our Third child, Cassiopeia. She was born this month, and boy is it amazing to have three children. It’s quite chaotic, and an adjustment on its own. I mean, having one child was an adjustment, then came the second, and that was even more of an adjustment because, the second time around we had a girl. For the last six years, we raised a boy. But we managed. We learned, we conquered, still conquering, and now, I think we’re doing okay raising Artemis who is now a one year old. It’s a lot to be alone with three kids. Getting one child ready for school, and then getting the other two ready to tag along was overwhelming the first time. What I have learned so far is that, there’s absolutely no such thing as being well prepared ahead of time. There’s no such thing as timing specific things so that it works out you’re on time. If J, and I managed to be on time for things with the first two children, having five people in our family definitely means, now, that we’ll be punctual in our definition of time. But the good of all of this is, the moments that make it all worth while. Just like the car ride is filled with laughter in the back seat because, Apollo and Artemis is now sitting beside each other, and the fun is great. I love how Arty constantly kisses her baby sister. Unlimited, slobbery, kisses for Cassi. There’s so much love. My home is filled with so much love, and it’s all I ever wanted. 

On to the next; 

J, recently accepted to team up with an automation company in Michigan, USA. That means, we’re required to move. While we have decided not to move to the USA for the job, because it’s just too much with a newborn, we have decided to relocate near the boarder. That means, Windsor, ON. We actually found a house fifteen minutes outside of Windsor, in Lakeshore, ON. It’s quite a nice place, in a nice neighbourhood, safe for the kids. This means, goodbye Toronto. The home, we grew-up in, the neighbourhood we only know to be home. It’s going to be quite a change. A scary one at that, since we don’t know much about being three and a half hours away. The move is scary, the transition is scary, but nothing is greater than knowing our lives continue to move forward. 

J, and I are goal oriented people. We do our best for our kids, and we work hard as a family. So, this next adventure is definitely one for the books. Now we don’t expect to be gone forever. We don’t expect to be over there forever, but we do expect to make that place our home for the next few years. 

This change is bittersweet. As much as I like to believe being far away is going to strengthen our bonds within our immediate family, it is going to be hard to be away from everyone we know; our family, our friends, our neighbourhood, the things we enjoy within our city, and the things that aK has grown up to know within his surrounding for the last seven years. This move isn’t just going to be a transition for us, but also for the kids, especially aK. aK’s been to two schools in the last three years of his academic life. He’s about to venture into another one, and rebuild again, in terms of his relationships with teachers, and peers. He’ll be leaving his best friend behind, and find a new one over there. I’m certain he’ll be fine, but the soft-heart mommy in me can’t help but worry he may struggle at first. But this is a struggle we’ll all be tackling together, as a family, and that’s all that matters. 

Anyway, this is all the time I have folks. I’ll be sure to update you with more great news soon! 

I’m hungry.

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