Half Point

It’s been nineteen days since my last post. It’s been crazy busy in the last few weeks, with small minor details consuming our days. It’s not very often when we get ‘down time’. There’s always plenty to do. Aside from mommy duties, there are a ton of stay-at-home mom stuff that needs tending to.

The last three weeks, seemed to have been a little easier with going out. Exactly three weeks ago, I got my license to legally drive. It’s been great to to just go when you have to. I’ve taken Apollo on ‘mommy and kuya’ dates, frozen yogurt treats with Arty, and small ventures to the grocery and Starbucks for some ‘me-time’.

Apollo was to spend two weeks at his grandparents in Toronto, but half-way through his mini-vacation away from home, he missed us and wanted to come home. We drove to Toronto, two consecutive weekends in a row. Dropping him off, and then picking him up. He, of course, changed his mind, the minute we arrived. Bribed with the thoughts of camping in the backyard with Papa, and other small adventures with the person he admires most, Papa. We didn’t end up letting him stay, because missing him was just too much. So now, the house is filled with noise, running around, and constant ‘mommy can I play on the Wii-u”, “watch YouTube”, “play NHL on the PS4”, and so on. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The girls and I have been sick this week. In the middle of summer, it’s always fun to be sick…said nobody! Perhaps, we’re all just a little tired and then some.

Does anybody know what happened to summer? It’s already half way done. It seems like it was just last week, when Apollo finished Grade 1, and we’re excited about the summer at home. Now, it’s half way over and we’re thinking about school shopping for Grade 2. On that same note; Apollo is going to Grade 2. Whoa. Where did the time go? I can’t believe he’s going into Grade 2. It’s all too fast.

Two months from now it’s Halloween, and it’ll be Cassi’s first Halloween. Then two months after that, it’s Christmas. I’m not mad though. Christmas is the most exciting time of the year in my household. We absolutely love Christmas. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m the one who gets everyone riled up about it. But hey, I can’t wait. It’s definitely exciting to decorate and have the kids celebrate this wonderful time. It puts an emphasis on Family, not that it’s not emphasized enough throughout the year. But it makes it a must! I can’t wait!

I realize this post barely has anything for you to ponder about. But then again, I said I would only share what I had in mind.

Hope you have a wonderful Tuesday…wait, it’s Wednesday!

Just a rant of updates for you.

 

xo, MM

 

Baby just drive 

I thought for the longest time that I’d never get my license to drive.  My father was afraid to drive from a traumatic event when he was still a bit young. A truck dragged him. This in turn effected his wonder to drive. We never had a car, we relied on public transportation. It grew on me as I got older, the convenience of going everywhere just by riding one transportation to another. It became a thing for me; riding the public transit as some thrill space.  

As I got older, I just never thought I’d ever go for my license. I didn’t think of ever owning a car. I know absolutely nothing about cars. But time has changed. Motherhood has changed me.

You know that list of motherhood that everyone’s passed around on Facebook? The one where it lists your job as a mother; a cook, a nurse, an song artist, a driver? Yeah, for the longest I thought my list of motherhood is short of one compare to most. I’m not a driver for my kids, because well I don’t ever drive. Today that changed. I know it’s funny of me to be so proud of this, but getting my license kind of opens up doors in my box of parenting. It provides freedom, better access to my requirements, it just gets me out and going to get the things I need done. So yay ! Thanks j, for pushing me to do this. You’re right. It does help! 

In other news; the weather in windsor has been quite crazy hot, lately.  I heard even in Toronto it’s the same.  Luckily tonight we got some thunder, lightning and a crazy amount of rain.  Tomorrow is supposed to carry throughout the day, and then clear on Friday and for the rest of the weekend. We’ve been growing a forest in the backyard.  J doesn’t want to cut the grass because the lawn mower sucks and the grass is all uneven. The yard needs work. Work neither of us are willing to do. So we’ll have to dig for some lawn caretakers. 

Mothering be like; Apollo. Apollo has been on some crazy tip lately. A tip I cannot find the connecting wire to. He’s bearable at times, and times when I swear he’s into this whole ‘bad boy’ persona. I’m just gonna roll my eyes at this because I’ve run out of excuses in my head for what I’m doing wrong. All I’ve really got is brain farts about this topic. #stillstruggling #sevengoingonseventeen 

I really just wanted to update you on my G2 license exam.  But the day has been super long with constantly trying to find the patience to figure stuff out with Apollo on the daily. But you should know, he’s a good kid, with a good heart, and I still love him with my every being. He’s my favourite son, you know! 

xo, MM 

It’s always, YOUR TIME

I was sitting in bed last night contemplating whether or not to turn the fan on in the room. And suddenly I realized how lucky I am. I am sitting there with a controller for the fan that sits above us. No I didn’t need to get up to press a button, or turn a switch on. I could sit in bed and have this controller do it for me. I got to thinking about how J and I started…


3236_91744935618_1530498_n.jpgJ and I lived in Scarborough, ON while I was pregnant with Apollo. J worked as a Reservations Manager, and I as customer service rep for U-Haul. I lost my job, for some petty stuff, and we had to make due with J bringing in the one income. We eventually moved in with his parents, to help with cost, just a few months before I was due to have Apollo. I remember J telling them I was pregnant. It was the most difficult thing in the world for him to do at the time. While I was twenty, and he was twenty-three, we weren’t financially stable. This was our fear for starting a family, as well as  his parents’. We understood that. But this wasn’t a yes or no answer. This was a moment in both our lives we had to stand-up to our responsibilities and move forward from there. For those thinking ” You could have had an abortion.”, this was not an option for either of us. My beliefs are strong with life-changing situations such as this, and I wasn’t going to be selfish and run away.


When Apollo was born, J had taken parental leave to help me with the first few months of caring for a baby. After all, I had no clue what to do. I don’t have siblings, never did I have to take care of a baby alone. While my experiences in babysitting my little cousins, and baby nephews and nieces, it was a completely different experience to care for my own baby. Luckily J had a baby brother, who was sixteen years younger than him. He had gained experience in diaper changing, feeding, and changing clothes of a tiny baby. I, on the other hand, was too afraid to touch the baby. So him being home helped a lot. But this meant what he was earning was cut to almost half of what it was before. He didn’t earn much at U-Haul to begin with. When he returned to work, I had to be home alone with a newborn baby. This proved to be the most difficult thing in the world. But in moments as such, you find your way. You figure it out. You do what you can. Luckily his work moved closer to where we had moved and it was an easier commute for him.

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It wasn’t easy sharing living space with his family. Personalities butt heads, and decision making was difficult for our little family, when you’ve got to be considerate of others. In times when we would fight, it would become embarrassing when we’re yelling at each other and trying to figure out our way together. When you first start a family, it’s not easy. You’re both learning to live together, both learning to do things together. You’re understanding responsibilities together and it puts strains on your relationship. We had to work on this, however way we had to, as long as we figured it out.

When Apollo was five months, we decided it was time for us to take charge of our lives, live through the choices we’ve made, and do our best to do things on our own. Well, we still required help from our families. It got really hard financially. J’s income for two weeks was the amount of what we had to pay for rent. We had gotten a car because we needed to get around and that added on to our costs per month. We had less than the bills we’ve accumulated. We were deep in waters, way above the waist. I had applied for a job at Tim Hortons, because I hadn’t gone to post-secondary studies to have a career. When would I have been able to find the time? That’s the mentality you have when you don’t know any better.Thankfully his uncle, and sometimes my Dad, would help babysit Apollo. This job helped a tiny bit with costs but it still wasn’t enough. Even worse, we had gotten into a car accident, had to get rid of the car, and now we’re down to one income again. J was injured and had to take leave from work. It was one unfortunate event after another. We had a couple floods occur during the few years we lived in that basement apartment. There wasn’t enough money to re-direct to various places. We were late on rent payments, struggled with all our other bills, and could barely afford the luxuries we took for granted when we were single. We ended up having to move back to his parents house again. One night, an infomercial on the television for post-secondary education had popped up while Apollo slept. We were sleeping in the living room on a blow-up bed, since J’s room had become a storage room shortly after we moved out. I thought about it in that moment, ” What would it take for me to upgrade my skills and provide a better life for our family?” I was set on going to school from that point on. Apollo was two and a half. I applied to Humber College and from there we had to move forward. We found an apartment north of where we were which would provide a closer distance from the school I would eventually attend. School was to begin in May and I had to figure out what I would do with Apollo while we were both gone. J had returned to work, and I was going to need someone to watch Apollo. My dad had offered; after a while it was no longer possible. Apollo would eventually turn four and he would require some type of social experience. We opted for child care. The good thing about being in Canada is you get some kind of help with child care fees. We were able to put Apollo in childcare without breaking our banks with the cost because most of the fees have been covered by child care assistance from the government. I felt at ease, knowing someone is watching Apollo while I was in school and J at work. But the feeling of being incapable of caring for my own child was always there. I had to do what I had to do. I worked really hard as a student, and in the end I attained Honours in Early Childhood Education. I graduated Honours.


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After completing my post-secondary studies, I began working part-time, while J worked full-time still at U-haul. Things got complicated for us at that time, because as much we have finally accomplished one of our many goals, he was beginning to hate his job. Five years at U-Haul, it felt like forever. It felt like he wasn’t going anywhere with working there. He felt stuck. He felt unhappy. He didn’t feel like it was enough to provide for his family. We had gotten into a huge fight one night, most likely because his unhappy attitude effected his home life. I’ve had it with the fights and arguments. I needed him to get better. I needed him to be happy again. I needed him to be the J I know. He was lost, far in there, hoping to be saved. Well he’s not one to ask to be saved. I couldn’t save him. I had one thing left to help him. Being the paper-hoarder that I am. I loved keeping papers in boxes for no reason. I had kept his acceptance letters from colleges when he first graduated from high school. WELL before we had Apollo. In this file was a variety of different types of programs he applied for, not knowing exactly what he wanted to do. A few of his options were, Fashion Design, Electro-mechanical Engineering Technician, Business Administration, and a few other ones. Well, I wasn’t too fond of Fashion Design. I had no clue what Electro-mechanical Engineering was, and he’s already had a go at Business Administration and didn’t like it. So he had to choose. I gave him that night to figure it out. It was four in the morning, and he was concerned about what we were going to do for him to achieve this. Well, I had taken out a loan from the government to pay for my studies until I was finished. It was a debt, I was willing to take for the sake of achieving an education to better our lives. J had to do the same. We were about to venture into more hardships and sacrifices to achieve one more goal from our list. We had to move again, Apollo would be starting Jr. Kindergarten at a new school. We moved back around his parents and lived in a much better apartment with two bedrooms. It seemed big for our little  family. I worked and J went to school. We were doing what we can with the income I had, and sometimes we still needed help.

J’s program ran for three years. The first two years happened so fast and just before fourth semester in his second year, we found out we were pregnant with a second baby. This was tough. It was about to get even harder financially. But the thought of being blessed with another child was everything for J and I. We were ecstatic. We knew that it was going to be difficult after she was born  but we were going to do whatever it took, as we have always done in any difficult situations we found ourselves in.

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J had a couple of semesters left to complete, before we could get our lives going accordingly. It was tough being home alone most of the time to tend to the kids. I’d have the responsibility of taking Apollo to school, and picking him up after school. I’d have to tow Artemis in a stroller with me, get home do some house chores. Sometimes I’d be too exhausted to keep up with the cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc., but I’d pick-up where I’ve left off and continue. Sometimes I wonder how J and I did it. How we managed all this time to do what we had to do for our family. I don’t guarantee that there were never fights or misunderstandings. There were plenty of that to go around. But just like in everything else in life, stress is rooted from the overwhelming loads of responsibilities. Then just before J was to finish his third year, we were granted another blessing, Cassiopeia. She came, just in time for the transition of all the new changes we were about to venture into. J finished school. Honours, at that. I am so proud of what he has accomplished thus far. He has worked hard in everything. The demands were a lot, even for any other persons, but he did his best at all turns. I am so proud to be his partner through this adventure. While it was all hard and we struggled through and through, we have completed our five year goal, from the time I decided to pursue post-secondary education, to J completing his program. We had achieved a house, and a career to be proud of.

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Life isn’t easy. But if you try your best for any cause, I can guarantee you the outcome is that much sweeter. There is no good in giving up. You will fall time and time again, but if you get up, just get up, you’ll succeed in whichever way. Trust that you can, and believe that you will. It’s that important, to give yourself the chance. If it doesn’t work the first time, try again, you’ll always get an outcome. Good or bad, what have you got to lose?

 

 

 

 

 

“The starting point of any achievement is desire”

 

 

xo, MM

AKMH2

I remember the first time I held you. I cried. I cried because I was so scared, my body wasn’t strong enough to keep you safe and healthy.

I had been sick a week before I had you with the worst flu. I was in the hospital on New Years Eve, alone because your Dad had to stay with your brother. No one could watch him, because everyone had been sick.

I laid in that bed, missing your Dad, and brother on the night of a new year. But I wasn’t alone, because you were there with meYour heart was slowing down, because my fever had been so high. They had to keep me over night, so they could monitor you.

The day of your birth, the contractions effected your heart rate. They had to deliver you with help. You had a cone head, sorry. I thought the pain would never end, I felt all of it, for a much longer period of time, than with your brother. I was brainlessly not pressing the button to administer more drugs to numb my bottom half so the pain wouldn’t be so crazy. But when you came out…

The world had stopped. The tears began to fall. What I had feared, has arrived. I was afraid to have you. To have a girl. Because, everything that I am took buckets of tears, and long, lonely nights. I never wanted you to feel an ounce of it. I never want to see your heart break, because as girls, we feel more. I didn’t want to see your disappointments, because we have a harder time accepting them. I didn’t want to ever see tears fall from your eyes, because when they do, it tends to hurt more. But you were here, and I was going to have to do whatever it takes to help you become stronger than I am, help you through the toughest moments in life, because I am, your mother.

 

xo, MM

 

Repost from Tumblr -December 5, 2015

Graduates//Secret to Parenting is?

 

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Go, J, Go!

First, I wanna give a shout out to my husband who worked really hard in the last three years. He started again. Became a student, while tending to the needs of our family and home. He never ceases to disappoint. Always giving his best in everything he does. Even at times when he faltered, and had his head above the waves, he never gave up. He achieved honours in Electro-mechanical Engineering Technologist, at Humber College, and being the oldest in his program. He managed to create friendships, and enjoy his time as a student again. In the last three years, it was hard. It required him to piece himself in more ways than one, to accommodate and achieve every want, need, and requirements from his home life. He never complained, and was always apologetic for not being able to do better than exceptional for his family. I saw him at his lowest, with topped-up schedules, but never did he say I can’t do this. I am so honoured, and proud of the person he is. He continues to make me proud with every bit of him.

Moving Forward

We have ventured into new adventures in the beginning of this month. We have taken on quite a handful of changes, with relocation, job opportunities, and family. While sometimes, changes are scary, it makes me feel assured with J, by my side.

Windsor, is still something to get used to. It’s very different from where we come from. But at the end of the month, the goal is to finally get my G2, to be able to drive without having to depend on J. It goes a way with having three kids. Doctor appointments, grocery shopping, drop-off and pick-up from school, and personal errands. That’s exciting!

Writing, though I haven’t been as consistent as I would like to be with frequent blogs, nor starting on my paper and pencil tip to begin my journey of writing my book, I am certain that in the next few months, this will change. I mean, when have I given you guys a date, and not have proved to give you something new to take on with me? In the near future, the goal is to invest full-time to writing, whatever kind of writing. So stick with me, it gets better from here.

Family, I’ve got to get planning for Cassiopeia’s baptism. I have yet to round up ideas on having this done. Soon!
*Apollo has began making friends at school and with that said, the “hanging out” part has arrived. Is it just me or do you also have this concern?
He had asked to go hang out at R’s house, one afternoon, after school. I didn’t feel comfortable with allowing him, since I had never met his parents nor have any kind of stable, consistent relationship to know them well enough. So I said no. I had offered for R to come over instead, but R’s dad, had a dental appointment he felt R, had to be there for. Well, I think he felt the same way as I did. Having just moved to Windsor, we have yet to make friends or have any sign of making close bonds with anyone. This makes it a little difficult to entertain Apollo with activities and pass times that he likes. I feared that because I didn’t know R’s parents, I didn’t know their ways, I didn’t know their beliefs, I didn’t know who they were. Was I acting too attached to Apollo? He’s seven. Is it okay to allow him to take on these experiences, and make that call? I couldn’t. I wouldn’t mind his friends over, but I’m still uncomfortable with the idea of letting him be, alone, with another family, that I don’t really know.

Long weekend, during the week

We arrived in Toronto on Tuesday night, to attend J’s convocation Wednesday afternoon. We’re settling at my in-laws to spend time with them and to enjoy the extra time J was allotted with work. Tuesday-Sunday we’re here! So if you’re in Toronto, and you wanna hang, give me a shout! My mother-in-law has planned a party for us, birthdays and graduation. How nice! There’ll be cake, and candles, and food, and family. What a great way to spend our little mini-vacation.

 

See you on the other side!

Studies show that children best flourish when one mom and one dad are there to raise them.

-They will flourish!

Dinner soon,

xo, MM

 

My type of love

I was walking home to my in-laws after a day at the salon getting a much needed manicures pedicure, and I seen my younger brother-in-law shootin hoops with Apollo. He disappeared behind the car parked in the driveway. As I got closer, Apollo came back running with a small plant in his hand with two, beautiful, red, nicely-bloomed flower. 

It isn’t every week that a busy mom like myself gets a treat to get pampered for a couple of hours. Perhaps those are the little luxuries I took for granted as a single gal, so many moons ago.

It isn’t because of my children that I’m unable to keep some kind of level of ‘pretty-ness’. I never wore make-up on the daily–before the whole ‘kids thing’ to say I’m missing that these days. Nor did I pride myself on dressing up a certain way before I had children. Therefore, a lot of the time I look like, your everyday, exhausted looking mom because the dark circles I had before I even had any children, has become more permanent from the lack of sleep, I choose to have for the sake of my children. Yes, I’m that kind of mom.

I wear, what I wear because comfort is a big deal. When you have children seven years old and younger, there’s no point in wearing fancy, name-brand outfits. If you are the type of mom to get through the day using your shirt as every type of cloth, may it be to: wipe hands, snot, milk drips, dirty mouths, etc., then there is absolutely no reason for you to dress like you’re about to attend an adult, weekend bbq. 

There are better things that matter to me most, than how people perceive me through my outfit of the day. I do, however, give kudos to my fellow-moms who keep their exterior portrait on point.

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I live in this hoodie

(Off topic but..)

A few weeks ago, I had dinner with an old friend. Pinks and I go way back, to twelve and thirteen year olds, trying to figure out if, one day we ever married one of the BSBs or N’Sync hotties, how would life be?

We rekindled our friendship in high school, taking summer school together. I think we spent one class, just chatting up one time, and never actually made it to class. A three hour class wasted on high school drama. That was our life then, and it was important to be able to discuss this and give that the priority. 

A few years down the line I had Apollo, and then she had B, and all of a sudden, mothering and all the attachments to that, ran our world.

Through all those changes, one thing never changed..Pinks had always kept up with her extroverted image. She was always into that kind of stuff, the girly stuff. I, more of the tomboy gettup.

We’re all different. We mom different. We do us different, and that’s ok. That’s what makes us unique.

What I’m trying to get at is…

While sometimes I wish I could give myself the attention to be able to ‘fix’ myself up every morning, I choose not to. I don’t bother because I would rather spend that fifteen minutes glamming myself to get some extra few minutes in bed, with my kids.  I would rather spend those fifteen minutes, staring at how beautiful my children are preciously growing, each day. I am willing to give all of me, in this way, to my kids. And I am ok with that.

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My life

I am, every bit still loved, still wanted, still appreciated, still needed, STILL their mom.

…and gestures as sweet as that, need no change in my type of love.

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xo, M.

“I am proud of many things in life, but nothing beats being a mother.”

When blood is not thicker than water.

Have you ever heard of that saying within the family, “Blood is thicker than water”?
How often in families does that line fail? This line means nothing to me. My adoptive family, literally sticks to this saying. Being adopted, this doesn’t apply to me. But the funny thing is, it’s a two-way street with this line. So I’m going to say, this line is absolutely nonsense.

I realized, as I got older how much the word FAMILY, applies to anyone willing to treat you, and take you into their lives. Family doesn’t mean, just the same blood that runs through your veins. Family is whoever is willing to include you in their lives. Who’s willing to understand where you are in your life. What you have in common, so that getting through life is a little bit easier, together. Family are the friends you make. Family are the people who you meet, and become close to. Family isn’t just blood.

I often think about how sad I am, with those I’ve lost through the years. Whether it be we drifted, or we no longer had our lives aligned. But the thing with that is, you learn from those experiences. You learn that as much as they were a part of your family at one point, time, experience, and life itself finds a way to diminish what used to be. When one becomes too comfortable in their relationships, there’s no longer that light that kindles your relationships. and soars to greatness. It becomes stale. It becomes predictable. It all becomes boring, and eventually it falls apart. I’m not saying being comfortable is a bad thing. But, I am saying when one relies on having their relationships flourish through comfortability, it becomes repetitive.

I’m thankful for the relationships I’ve managed to have through the years. I don’t expect to keep my family small. I know that as time passes, as I get older, more people will come into my life. They will dance, they will drink, they will play a part in my life. I also know that, through time, I will have moments when letting go is important. When those people have given and taken from me, they will move-on and provide that definition of “Family” to someone else. It’s all a cycle, you see.

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Define Family

Anyway, I need a snack..

“Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who LOVE YOU no matter what.”

Hello Change?

When in Windsor, Ontario.

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Well, Hello, Windsor!

Helloooooo!! I know I’ve been MIA for a while. I have been crazy busy with a few changes. The photo above is our new home. We have officially left Toronto, ON, Canada and moved three and a half hours to Windsor, ON, Canada. We are now close to the boarder to Detroit, Michigan, USA, where J, will be doing some work with a company in automation. The past month, has been crazy hectic, with packing and getting sorted for the move. From a two-bedroom apartment, you’d think we’ve not much for such a tiny place. But guess what.. I have never packed so much stuff and sorted through so much stuff like that before. We have done many moves, we have hauled many things, but this time, the truck was literally packed up to the rim, to the point where as soon as they opened the truck when we got to Windsor, stuff just fell out.

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On to a new adventure..bye for now Toronto

Now that the move is done, we have settled-in Apollo at his new school. He’s back to a Catholic School. So the adjustments required are in place. Coming from a Public School, academically he feels a little behind. But there’s nothing that smart boy can’t figure out. He started the Tuesday after we moved. He was a little bit afraid and nervous, but the day he started I pointed out all the boys in his class looking at him, excitedly wondering who he was, and the beautiful girls in his class. That helped with his social nerves.

Arty on the other hand, seems to require at least two more weeks of adjustments. She’s been rather cranky and unsettled. Perhaps, she feels we’ll return to Etobicoke, to our old place.  I don’t blame her. I miss home too!

Cassi doesn’t understand the change that just happen. She is growing everyday, and becoming more responsive. She smiles, coos, and makes noises now as if she’s talking to you. She loves chatting. Her personality is slowly starting to show, which is great.

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Cassiopeia Reine

My In-Law’s came over the weekend. They spent the weekend with us, which was great. It’s still a little hard being so far from everyone. And the kids love that they get to see them as if not much as changed. I’m thankful they’re willing drive here 3.5 hrs, because I know it’s hard. It’s not that far, but it’s still half a day drive.

It was my birthday yesterday. We didn’t do much, but I’m definitely a lucky girl to be surrounded by so much love.

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A card from Apollo, Artemis, Cassiopeia and J. The drawing is by Apollo. 

This new change is definitely one that you require you to slowly seep into. I don’t think I fully feel the change as yet. It feels almost like we’re just on vacation, but I know as time passes that feeling will subside and we’ll really have to start setting up roots and make this our home. We have yet to furnish the place to our liking, and to figure some of the stuff about the house..we’re sort of just taking our time to really slowly transition the kids. We’ve got a garage full of stuff still that we’re slowly unpacking, but that surely takes some time. There’s no rush.

I should be able to blog more frequently, I had just been in a funk after the move that it’s been hard to sit in front of the computer and figure this whole writing stuff out.

Anyway, I’m hungry..

“Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember every thing you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.”

Be good.

xo, M.

More to Mommying

Sometimes I feel bad for wanting more than just being a mommy. Those times when I worked full-time while aK was growing up, I missed some days with him. While I took care of other people’s children and taught them things, I sacrificed my time with my child who I could have been giving all my knowledge and time to. But I would never feel satisfied just being a homemaker. It’s not a bad thing to be one. I, now, know how it feels to be a stay-home mom. Not because I have to be, but because I want to be. I want to be there for the things I lost out on with Apollo. The girls are still very young. Practically just born. It isn’t fair for them to share their milestones with random sitters, and not me, who wants to be able to remember those moments.

More to Mommying

Seven a.m. Itch

I’m laying in bed, holding Cassi, after she had fallen asleep from her feed. She’s a little over a month. She’s grown so fast, developed her own facial features, and she’s the sweetest little angry muncher there is. As I lay there, trying to get my website going (stay tuned), I had this quote in my head, “It’s not what you’ve lost but what you have gained with being a mom, that’s important”.

I realize that it’s so frustrating as a parent, evermore so, as a mom that your life no longer belongs to you. You have become slave-like to everyone else’s needs but your own. You no longer tend to your needs first, and maybe never. I hate that I can’t shower when I want; eat when I want; watch television, or the show I like when I want; get out of the door, or go anywhere on time when I want; get my zero to a hundred done; write when I want; have all of my coffee when I want; eat ALL of my food when I want; wear nice clothes when I want; go out with my husband, alone, when I want; sleep in my bed, alone, when I want. There’s always someone else calling out to me, there’s always someone squeezing into my ribs, as if they have yet to be born, and they find such comfort in giving me discomfort. 

…but these frustrations, they keep me going. This frustration, motivates me in my life. It pushes me to be who I am, without second guessing myself, it gives me confidence, it makes me powerful, it gives me superpowers, it keeps my life interesting. 

A lot of the times, mothering is tough. It’s never a dull moment. It’s always crazy. It’s always on the go. But, how would you rather have it? How would my life have kept going, if I didn’t have my son, when I did? How will our lives be, especially Apollo, if Artemis didn’t come? How would their lives be as adults, if there wasn’t one more to add to crazy, if Cassi wasn’t made? These blessings, they have reasons, they a purpose, they are my purpose in life. 

..and when you think it doesn’t get much crazier, then there’s also my husband. He’s a well of humour. That’s just putting it nicely. 

I’ve got an amazing life. Hardships in life, it’s all part of it. That’s normal. It’s normal to be challenged in life. Otherwise, how would you make it better, at every point? But the win; the prize; the epic story, it’s having a family that’s all yours to keep. 

xoxo, til next time.

p.s. more updates on the move soon. ALSO, it’s not Lakeshore anymore, it’s just Windsor. 

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