Where ze baby?

I’m having trouble sleeping.
I figured why not update you guys. I’m writing from my phone, so the quality of this post will not be up to par, in terms of my expectations.

My due date is March 5th. It’s literally two days away, but at my last OB appointment on Tuesday, my doctor examined me to see how far along the baby was. I happened to be 3cm dilated. She also scraped the membrane to help with getting things going. She said, I wouldn’t last to the weekend, and that I would the baby either that night or the day after, at some point. Its now, 2:28 a.m. Thursday. Still no baby! I thought the bloody mucus discharge you get meant it’s almost that time, since both times before, thats what happened. It seems the snow storm passing, the roads being shovelled, and the side walks being salted, has come and gone, and this baby is just not ready.

What is it about Pisces? Such stubborn people. LOL

I spent the day bouncing on an excercise ball, walking around the house, walking for 45 mins at Walmart, eating spicy chicken, and even allowing my brother-in-law to drive me over bumps (since he was responsible for aK’s arrival, seven years ago). I’m praying to God, she comes today at some point.

I know, I sound crazy, seemingly rushing Cassi to come out; especially with already knowing the process of labour, but…i’m so tired of being pregnant (two yrs in a row). I’m tired of not being able to do much because i’ve grown so much, it’s just impossible at this point. I’ve got packing to do for our move, that I have yet to figure out. I just need Cassi out. 😕

Ill update again soon…

aK

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I don’t know why you, and I butt heads so often. Why I feel like the connection wire of our relationship seem to have some chewed-up marks. 

I feel so guilty for not having all the time in the world for you. Your requests are so simple, too. 

I don’t mean to use your sister as an excuse, but this whole ‘mommy’ thing with ‘two kids’.. I’m still trying to figure it all out. With the third one coming, I’ll probably get worse, before I get better. 

I need you to trust me, I need you to give me a chance, to give me the benefit of the doubt, that I’ll figure this thing out, with us.

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I’ve probably made all the mistakes with you, and now it seems like I’ve been unfair to you. But I promise you, my love for you then, now, tomorrow has been the same since you gave me the title, “MOM”. 

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You are so much like me, more than you want to be, more than you’ll ever be like you’re daddy. I’m sorry you’re more like me than your dad. Maybe we wouldn’t butt-heads so much. I appreciate you for all that you are. In times when it’s not chaos and arguments, you are everything amazing. 

You’re kind. You’re sweet. You’re thoughtful. You’re generous. You see things in ways, most people are too blind to notice. Your voice, speaks not just with volume but with character. Your heart is pure, and humble. You are everything, any parent would hope their child to be. I hope you never loose that, because of my shortcomings. 

You have the humour, the wit, the smile, the heart. 

Thank you for being so good to me, when I don’t deserve it. Thank you for ‘understanding’ me, even when you don’t, really. 

I hope, I don’t screw you up too much. 

xoxo, Mom.

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