I’m laying in bed, holding Cassi, after she had fallen asleep from her feed. She’s a little over a month. She’s grown so fast, developed her own facial features, and she’s the sweetest little angry muncher there is. As I lay there, trying to get my website going (stay tuned), I had this quote in my head, “It’s not what you’ve lost but what you have gained with being a mom, that’s important”.
I realize that it’s so frustrating as a parent, evermore so, as a mom that your life no longer belongs to you. You have become slave-like to everyone else’s needs but your own. You no longer tend to your needs first, and maybe never. I hate that I can’t shower when I want; eat when I want; watch television, or the show I like when I want; get out of the door, or go anywhere on time when I want; get my zero to a hundred done; write when I want; have all of my coffee when I want; eat ALL of my food when I want; wear nice clothes when I want; go out with my husband, alone, when I want; sleep in my bed, alone, when I want. There’s always someone else calling out to me, there’s always someone squeezing into my ribs, as if they have yet to be born, and they find such comfort in giving me discomfort.
…but these frustrations, they keep me going. This frustration, motivates me in my life. It pushes me to be who I am, without second guessing myself, it gives me confidence, it makes me powerful, it gives me superpowers, it keeps my life interesting.
A lot of the times, mothering is tough. It’s never a dull moment. It’s always crazy. It’s always on the go. But, how would you rather have it? How would my life have kept going, if I didn’t have my son, when I did? How will our lives be, especially Apollo, if Artemis didn’t come? How would their lives be as adults, if there wasn’t one more to add to crazy, if Cassi wasn’t made? These blessings, they have reasons, they a purpose, they are my purpose in life.
..and when you think it doesn’t get much crazier, then there’s also my husband. He’s a well of humour. That’s just putting it nicely.
I’ve got an amazing life. Hardships in life, it’s all part of it. That’s normal. It’s normal to be challenged in life. Otherwise, how would you make it better, at every point? But the win; the prize; the epic story, it’s having a family that’s all yours to keep.
xoxo, til next time.
p.s. more updates on the move soon. ALSO, it’s not Lakeshore anymore, it’s just Windsor.