My 3 min saver

It has been an insane last couple of weeks with stomach flu, questions on my motherhood techniques and down days..but today, today im feeling upbeat. 

As a mom of three, you barely get a second to yourself. If your hair is a mess, your clothes have some unknown stain, uncertain if you’ve brushed your teeth and even sometimes not sure if you’ve finished peeing before running to one of the kids calling out to you. It takes a worried mom literally 2 seconds to run from her bathroom to the living room struggling to pull her underpants back up. In many situations, i get to that child and its a cryz-out for “a snack”. 

With that said, after moving from Toronto, I’ve had zero life. I mean what has changed really? I didn’t have much even when we were still in Toronto, with three kids. But at least i had friends. Well, my only friends are really my baristas at my local starbucks. Most of the time, they’re the only ‘adults’ i see all day and have the opportunity to hear me speak, not scream, not whisper..speak! 

They inspire me, and what they don’t know is, they are the 3-minutes that saves me in moments when im falling apart. Moments when i cannot mom any longer, moments when i just need another adult to speak and remind me im still alive. 

So for those of you moms who have 3-minute savers, take it, keep it, and cherish it. Who knows, maybe a minute more after, you’re due for the next challenge of motherhood again. 

Have a blessed weekend, ya’ll! 

P.s. Happy 1ST Birthday to my sweet baby, Cassiopeia! ❤

MM 

Reaching achievements

It’s been four lessons since I started practicing for my g2. I must say, I feel more confident now than I did before. Never being the one to drive with anyone else but J, narrowed my thoughts of being ‘able to drive’. I spent four lessons (4 hours) with Pami. I covered, one-way routes, parallel parking, forward parking, and reverse parking. My most feared test was parallel parking, but it’s not as hard as I thought it would be. Mind you, I’ve no examiner ticking points off at my tiny mishaps. 

Next, is my driving test this Wednesday. Bright and early at 8:25. I’ve opted to have one more practice with Pami, to refresh my mind and calm my nerves before the examiner sit-in with me.  I’m certain the nerves will continue to pounce me just until I begin that test, like any other tests/exams I’ve ever taken in my lifetime.  

So here we are, another achievement in my lifetime.  I have to say, I wouldn’t be this brave, if it wasn’t for J.

I’ll let you know how that exam goes. Hopefully I’ll be g2 licensed by the time I conjure up some next update for you all! Cross your fingers and pray for the people on the road that morning! LOL 

Some things in life are impossible until someone pushes you to go and do it. 

xo, MM

It weighs less to stop thinking too much

I’ve often found my past to be a neusance. It appears in moments like a puzzled film. It captures the state of my current heart only to fracture what I’ve managed to heal back together. I often like to dwell in pretending I’m some kind of superhero who can heal myself, with whatever kind of wounds that ceases my being in times when I’m strong. And one thing that always breaks me down; in moments of their weakness are my children.

I thought about the instances I’ve recently found myself in. Moments that wiggle themselves out from negative vibes. More recently it seems, I’ve a harder time finding the patience, understanding and courage to assess what’s happening with my son. He sits at number seven, and finds himself in the state of ‘bad to the bone’. I’m at my wits, trying to figure out how to ‘fix’ what’s being broken. Perhaps, I’m losing sight at the strands of what breaks him. Perhaps my visions are what needs fixing rather than catching only what he breaks. 

My son is the most sweetest, kindest, purest heart I’ve ever come to know (with the exception of my two girls who share this heart). His smile, it literally lifts you up from the pits of darkness one has managed to find themselves imprisoned in. His love for fun, intimidates ones very being because, sometimes when you’ve transformed into an adult, you lose your sense of innocence. I find its harder for me to sift through my chaos, to connect with him in his state of cognitive process. 

Tonight, a fellow blogger (@mikemadigan) made me see things in a different tone. 

It’s been stated many times before, ‘being a mother is hard’. It’s even more difficult when you’ve got demons you’ve yet to face. Perhaps what holds me back are my annoying fears, that like to sneak up to remind me I’ve got changes to stamp in the present, so that tomorrow may not sting as much. What I don’t realize is how much my vision of tomorrow, breaks my present time. 

We could all use a little less thinking and a little more feeling.

After all, those are the basis in which my son mostly functions in. I’ve forgotten to feel, so much so, he’s slowly drifting from me.  My very fear in being a mother. 

I shall stop blaming my past, and work on the now. My son deserves better! 

I’m hungry. It’s too late to snack. Tomorrow I’ve an hour of spare with Pami. I’m taking her for a drive again.
xo, MM