Don’t cry for me

It seems that throughout the years, with all the half-wits of life, I’ve managed to stop feeling. Like I mean, just feeling emotions in general. It wasn’t until I buried myself on Netflix watching all ten seasons of ‘Greys Anatomy’ that tears, real heartfelt tears, would stream down my face like it does whenever I recall that part in ‘My Bestfriends Wedding’. You know the one where she confesses her feelings, and it didn’t go the way she wanted it to, and they go on this three-way chase, and she ends up being called worst than the fungi that grows on scum?!

I can’t exactly pin-point when, or where this cold feeling began. But ‘crying has never been my thing’. It shows too much vulnerability. When you show even the slightest bit of vulnerability, you end up looking weak. When you’re weak, you’re irrational, when you’re irrational, you look like a fool. When you look like a fool, the meaning in your life at that particular moment disappears, and well. .there goes a chip at who you are. Gone. Just gone. You don’t get it back.

While the whole world cries to Adele’s latest hit, and Gwen Stefani’s used to love you crap, I’m over here like…what feels?

These days, I can’t categorize anything. I’m usually good at that stuff. Then again, I’ve had a lot; been chipped off me. Then it gets tough to relate to anything. You kinda lose yourself. When you lose yourself, it gets hard to rebuild, coz you don’t know where to start.

Author: mommyingmaars

Maria, author of Imommy blog. Maria has three children, Apollo (8), Artemis (2), and Cassiopeia (1). She is due to marry her best friend July 2017. Maria used to be a Registered Early Childhood Educator, before having her second child. She is now a SAHM, that is not paid for wearing many other professional hats. She is, and not limited to some of these professional positions: Doctor, Nurse, Nanny, Chef, Maid, Uber Driver, and so on.. When she isn't mothering or tending to all her other unlicensed professional positions, she loves writing and dancing. She is a previous ballroom and latin competitor. Some of her favourite "stuff" are, turtles/turtoises, the colour green (lime - forest), Laneige's Sleeping mask, make-up, and eating (food is her most favourite self-care aspect). Maria is also currently writing a book on her autobiography, which has been ongoing for the last few years, she's certain she'll eventually finish if she could just get over the hump of emotions attached to exploring oneself. As you read Maria's blogs, you'll get a feel of the true individual that she is, which can sometimes be a fine line of crazy and sweet, but not too sweet. Maria hopes you'll enjoy her blog as she does talking in her head to herself as her fingers skim through the letters on her keyboard. A message from Maria; I do not intend to use my writing to impose or tell you how motherhood should be done. I am no pro at this, and find as I share my wisdom from my experiences, that it shall uncover parts of your heart that find it relatable. My posts aren't always consistent in writing, but it is meant for you to to take in as it is. Find it humurous, sad, lonely, or helpful. Whatever it is you take from it, it only means one thing.. that I have found a place in your mind for those few minutes you dedicated to reading my crap. Thank you for being here, for giving me the chance to share my thoughts. Please return, and remember all written materials and photos on this site, is not to be taken without permission. xo, MM

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